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Best Poems Written by Ella Lillian

Below are the all-time best Ella Lillian poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Ella Lillian Poem

Finality

Closer to the edge I walk
Closer to my mind I reach
Everything that has been foggy
Clears up In a blinding screech.

Am I worth something?
Will I be worth anything?

Why am I alive?
Why do I breathe?

I toe the line of the edge,
Insanity and exhaustion 
taking me,
down and down

No help to reach.
Apathy has taken me in its clutches
Sleep has forsaken me.
Sometimes I feel, I am at the edge of losing everything I hold dear 
And another I question If I could even love anything.
I don't even love 'me'.

What is this feeling?
What is this duality?
Both apathy and Misery
taking me.

I do not know which I would choose
Between these two behemoths.
What if my only choices are feeling nothing
or feeling constant misery?

I stay awake and stare at the ceiling
Night goes by 
And I try to drown these feelings.
I want to be clutched close by the Sandman 
I want to be cradled in the arms of Morpheus 

Yet disowned by happiness
Disowned by the God's above.
I kept edging towards the edge.

It's enough,
Please let this be enough.
At the end of breaking 
At the end of losing.

Nothing makes me happy, 
It feels like nothing ever could.

They told us to conquer our demons
But I never could,
I am not strong enough,
I never was. 
Weakness runs through me.
It's enough to numb any of my tenacity.

It's said Misery loves Company,
Yet I never do.
I crave the human touch,
I crave to be embraced,
I crave to be loved.
But all I do,
is build walls, run, and hide.
Isolate me in this miserable life. 

Why do I keep going?
Why do I bother?
For a better future?
When the present has left me stranded it's wake
When present isn't even mine to take.

Lost and found, my happiness is never found.
It's lost somewhere in this constant Misery.
I dance and dance,
I edge closer every second of this forever ticking clock.

My mind, it's not my ally.
It has long ago tried to make me go awry.
It twists everything, I see, feel, and think.
The nemesis I never saw, someone I can't defend against. 

Reaching hands turns to dust,
this is it, this is my resolution
I have given up on finding any solution.

What was it about love conquering all?
Yet it could not reach,
a blinded mind full of chemical polarity. 

I am not at fault,
Please believe me, I am not at fault.
I have fought hard and long.
But now I am tired.
Tired of going on and tired of losing on and on.

So this is it,
this is my last waltz,
I shall go down with my final song.

The edge comes closer,
my mind sings clearer.
It whispers the words for sleep and rest.
And I, I smile, with nothing to confess. 

In a moment of peace and bliss,
I take a bow to my audience,
watching the show I have put on.
Lovely are they and lovely they will continue to be,
without me.

This is it,
This is a final stance,
the epilogue of a beaten-down soul. 
So I take a step ahead, a smile on my face.
As I let go of and discontinue to live life in a constant race.
So I let go and finally dream,
Dream for something better, something bigger
Or if not then something quieter and soothing.
A place where I would finally be able to sleep,
My serenity.

So I take a stance, I take a stance.
For the first time, for own self.
I take a stance. 
I take a stance and leap.
I leap and then I fall, I fall and I fall. 
I finally fall to a finality.

Details | Ella Lillian Poem

In My Very Own Dreams

So this is it, huh?

This is the end?

We have come this far,

And this is the end?



All over, just like that?

Your betrayal seep in through my pores,

It taints me whole.



This is the ending of a horrible beginning,

So we have said our peace,

We have bared our souls.

But this is it,

This is our toll.



Heartbreak conquers all,

It corrupts and fractures all,

So why am I standing?

When my heart has caved in

Mind, body, soul, crushed because of fanciful whims.



I have lost the ability to cry,

I have lost any semblance in this lie,

Is this what it was?

Negligence, manipulation and the terrible terrible lies.



The web you build, and I willingly fell,

Was I the fool?

Did I become your tool?

Maybe I should have known.

Maybe I should have shown,

I am not yours to own.



I am no ones' to command,

I do not heel,

I do not submit,

I have never quit.



So tell me now,

My mistakes, and my being,

But I will rise with glory

I will shun your sham,

And rise above.



I am not one to kneel,

So this you would heed,

Even at my most broken

I have come to accept my weakness,

I have come to engage with my demons.



I have risen above to any delusions,

Loving you was a slip,

So now that I have fallen,

And lived through the bruises and bleeding.



I have become more than I was,

And I will continue to be,

Just that little more

That you would ever hope to see.



Because I believe,

There is something in me,

Something to love,

Something to protect.



So I will do it for me,

Because no one seems to see,

The little girl in me,

Who cries each day

Hoping someone will pick her up,

Someone will comfort.



Yet no one comes,

So I will grow to be big,

I will grow to be strong,

I will love myself enough,

So that when I am finally found,

I wouldn't need anyone else to be a complete person.

I wouldn't be left with this pain of being less.

I would be finally found,

By my own loving sounds.



You could wound me,

But I would you kiss blue,

And I would leave you.

For me, I have lived with myself

And I would continue to do so

I would like to live and live 

Just that little more.



This existence is a blessing,

I have lived for myself,

I came in this world alone,

I lived to carry the burdens,

I lived to overcome misery.



You or anyone will not break me,

You can put me down,

But I will get up again.

Bleeding scrapes but I will get up again.



Because in this world,

I have come alone,

No one to love,

No mercy is shown.



So who else should I love,

If not my own self.

I will love myself enough,

Because in the end

I have come alone,

I have suffered alone.



Love is not an illusion,

But it could give you delusions.

You were the person you were, 

Before you fell in love

And you would be the person you are even after

Your lover has left.



A person doesn't make you whole,

You build yourself whole

For another person to fit in your soul.



So I will build myself up for myself,

Because love will come and go,

People may or may not show.

But I, I will exit. 

I will exist for myself.



I do not need anyone else to justify my existence.

I will continue with my resistance,

I will fight whoever puts me down,

I will continue to live,

And love my very being.

Because I exist for myself 

And to live in my very own dreams.