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The Effects of No Confidence

Iv'e pondered life in so many ways 
and for so long
i feel like iv'e fell down a hole 
iv'e witnessed the wind blowing on my skin feeling like a hug from gods
iv'e heard birds in different trees of a forest making separate sounds that put a song to nature
iv'e suffered for trying to love 
iv.e suffered for trying not to love 
iv'e seen my mistakes and begged on my knees to forgive me and let me live
iv'e watched everyone i know grow and create familes and become happy 
and i still stayed in the same place 
i ask my self constantly when is it enough 
when can i take my throbbing heart and put it back in my chest 
and let my self be excited again  

Every time i think about doing better and moving forward 
i get a feeling in stomach that gods saying NO 
or Not right now 
i find my self miserable and being able to think about doing better with out thinking im going to  it up 
to me i feel like the biggest fool i know because i know what im capable of i hide my self away like im beast that only notices beauty 
But Its not what ive done it what im afraid i might do

Copyright © Ethan Mcwhorter | Year Posted 2022

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Book: Reflection on the Important Things