The Effects of No Confidence

Iv'e pondered life in so many ways and for so long i feel like iv'e fell down a hole iv'e witnessed the wind blowing on my skin feeling like a hug from gods iv'e heard birds in different trees of a forest making separate sounds that put a song to nature iv'e suffered for trying to love iv.e suffered for trying not to love iv'e seen my mistakes and begged on my knees to forgive me and let me live iv'e watched everyone i know grow and create familes and become happy and i still stayed in the same place i ask my self constantly when is it enough when can i take my throbbing heart and put it back in my chest and let my self be excited again Every time i think about doing better and moving forward i get a feeling in stomach that gods saying NO or Not right now i find my self miserable and being able to think about doing better with out thinking im going to it up to me i feel like the biggest fool i know because i know what im capable of i hide my self away like im beast that only notices beauty But Its not what ive done it what im afraid i might do