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Brian Anderson Poem
I want to keep you safe from all this harm
The shouting the hitting so you keep Calm
I am determined to stop him touching you
He never left you alone he bloody knew
Hurting you in such an ugly cruel way
I will protect you so you won’t become prey
His evil way of attacking, was because he can
I’m older now, becoming a much stronger man
The fast river between us will get much stronger
The helpless life you gave me will be no longer
All that power you once had over that little child
I have become clever, smarter you won’t get me riled
Your accomplice was trained to be as bad as you
She was not a mother, just part of you, evil two
I will make it my only mission to keep him by me
This is so he can feel safe & warm till I get him free
He has suffered far to long now, I will make it stop
My strength the Lord gave me will carry me forever
I am ready to conquer you, this will be my endeavour
He’s with me now so go elsewhere if you ever dare
He will be with me now, as for you I don’t care
My love is for him now that’s been waiting to share
That’s just me, myself and the world out there
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
What is perfect? Do we understand what it really means
Is it a standard, a longing or just another pipe dream
It can make you so frustrated and sometimes even scream
Is it just behaviour or a feeling to get it right
Can we ever let it be finished to give us shear delight
I struggle to achieve this, to be happy just for me
Sometimes being that perfect is where you want to be
I find it hard to reach that level and want to give it up
You keep searching in your soul incase you don’t measure up
Does everyone else see it, this struggle I endeavour
Will I never stop looking? Or is this with me forever
Am I trying to please someone other than myself
So when is it all over, I can be put back on the shelf
Is there such a perfect something that can make you happy
Will I ever look and think you have done enough
And have reached the end here’s your happy Valley
Don’t keep looking, thinking it’s still not finished
Cause your heart, your soul will simply just diminish
Try to see you have done enough, the journey is over
Try be satisfied, happy and feel warm all over
You were already perfect in every way
So put away the rule books and stop the judging
Open your heart and be more trusting.
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
Why is being touched so hard for me
It should be soft and lovely like being free
But for me it’s none of these things
When it feels as if a thousand wasps sting
I am scared with feelings of things gone by
Pain and sorrow of wickedness I don’t know why
I long to be touched with feelings of deep love
That seam false, not Gods promise from above
I get mixed messages of what I feel they can’t be real
My tears of loss with a lack of understanding
I am not soaring way up high, I’m just crash landing
being touched with lust and compassion I can’t see
It’s sometimes fear and torture attacking me
I just want to feel the value in my heart
Not the suffering other stuff that tears me apart
When you have been abused right from the start
I’m not able to work it out on a doctor’s bar-chart
Why am I not able to reach the very top
Feel fulfilled with love and a cherry on top
Just the awful feeling of past happenings
The scared ways of life’s hardening
I just want to embrace all that lost love
Stop attacking, let me take of my boxing gloves
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
How to forgive yourself is hard for me
I am trying to stop him so I can be free
Where is your forgiveness to rescue me
You can ask God to take you home
Or you can sit and suffer and be alone
Forgiveness comes from the heart
Letting it go can be the place to start
I know I’m not to blame for any of this
Why is this life for me not sheer bliss
How do you forgive such wicked things
I’m not God or a heavenly Angel with wings
My heart is to fragile and it hurts to much
I even struggle with the simplest touch
I often wonder what’s wrong with me
The scars are deep they make you flee
How do I ask to forgive for all that’s wrong
It’s been all my life, it’s not been strong
I am to fragile with life long hurting pain
forgiveness to me is not removing a stain
You need to understand the pain still remains
I ask you God to forgive me with all my heart
Take it away and give me the fresh start
You stood by me in times of despair
So bad that nothing can ever compare
The worst thing of all was being left to suffer
The feeling of hurt that life can’t get any tougher
You need strength to forgive which I have no more
Help me someone it hurts to much to just ignore
Maybe I’m not ready to forgive even myself
Am I just another Victim to be put on the shelf
Help me forgive myself so that one day I am free
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
Why do I feel different and always so tense
I sometimes feel outcast by a very big fence
I struggle with company especially family
I just don’t fit in and have loads of anxiety
They don’t understand what I’ve been through
The torture and evil things that they could do
I just wanted the love like mothers give to you
My evil one and stepfather to, were a bad curse
No earthly child could never ever want to trust
You always have to be on guard, he just hates you
The things he did always leaves the head torn in two
I’m older now with to much hurt and unwanted pain
Like your carrying a bad smell with a nasty ugly stain
I just want to go far away in my own hidden forest
Watch the stream see the trees no one to be a pest
So please try to understand how I feel inside
I just want to be like you so I don’t have to hide
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
Why am I not strong when my feelings hurt inside
They took away all I had left me feeling blind
She ripped my heart out while he battered my soul
What’s it all for as you are thrown amongst the coal
Where was my hug after the evil deeds were done
The bullying always struck pain like a quick handgun
I had feelings of a different kind frozen to the core
The hurtful kind so bad they are locked behind a door
Why was I not loved like any other young soft child
Instead of these two wicked mad crazies gone wild
They would laugh if I made a mistake of any kind
The evilness look of being morally wrong in the mind
Why did you strike me again and again so hard it swells
Sometimes I was marked so hard it started to smell
Where was the loving care I was entitled to 24, seven
I kept thinking it was all stored up waiting in heaven
Why did I have to be given to that very evil, evil man
Who let him carry out his bloody wicked plan
Please my guardian angel keep looking over me
Take away the bad thoughts so I can be let free
Open your arms my Lord & be there just for me
how much more I can take please don’t forget about me
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
Oh how I feel you have got me and feel like giving up
You have ripped me apart crushed my pure heart
Somehow I never won you always managed a cover-up
You both destroyed me in a cruel horrible way
My grandparents saw that I could never ever stay
I am now being punished ripped from the inside out
Now I’m empty trying to keep going with only a shout
Who is listening to my cry’s of help, my life in doubt
I don’t want the hurt no more the pain is to much
I am struggling to get up without a helpful crutch
The flame in me is getting almost extinguished
All the love that’s left has totally relinquished
I carry many pains like the wind carries leaves
It’s torture to my heart that constantly greaves
You hurt me so very bad and both never cared
I never had the courage to ask why, I never dared
Oh why do I keep going, being tortured this way
These horrible thoughts with me every night & day
The struggle gets tougher as each day passes by
I keep asking God this question Why, Why, Why.
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
My passed few days have been really quite dark
They have struck me deep right to the heart
My head has been tormented with awful things
They just keep at me like savage hornet stings
Why didn’t others see what I was going through
The nasty things he did, they just grew and grew
I was left to struggle with every passing day
My plans were to go away so I never have to stay
Walking on the edge of life was never far from me
I just wanted it all to stop so that I could be set free
I am still carrying all these sad thoughts in my head
I feel like a lost spider, with life hanging on a thread
Why does hurt ache so much every long passing day
I am losing all my strength in a draining kind of way
I will just keep going with no where else to go
like walking in a blizzard till you freeze in deep snow
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
Why is being intimate so very hard
It can make you happy or very sad
To let others in your deep inner core
To let them inside that tightly shut door
Things are hidden for reasons unknown
The stuff that’s lost but somehow grown
It can stop your feelings or being touched
Shut you down and bury you under ground
What do you say without being hurt
It’s telling all them then you get burnt
Struggling with emotions everyday
Causing the pain to never go away
Having closeness is to reveal all you have
Is risking your trust inside a bee hive
Being left to carry the pain that I hold
How do I get better before I grow old
Who do you trust and who do you not
I have lost everything and feel caught
How do I open to experience love again
Let my heart heal, so I don’t have to abstain
Letting me share what is trapped in my heart
I know I have to some how make a start
Bit by bit it will take me some time
I want that freedom back, it will become min
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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Brian Anderson Poem
Why does my mind get tortured at such great length
It stops your thinking and takes away your strength
I am empty for words and feel really so very weak
pain keeps coming like an old tap with a noisy leak
Having a place to go when your all chewed up inside
Taking you to peace and rest like a lay- by at roadside
troubled past horror's you would never have believed
The cruellest of people that had to look after me
They never knew love only badness made for thee
You felt something missing in your lonely heart
Like you are longing for that special sweetheart
never knowing what was coming, day or in the night
Nobody cared how far they went or how bad the fright
I just longed for that day for it all to stop and end
So never thought they could drive me round the bend
I wanted it all to end or show me my own cliff edge
one simple step takes me with angels over the final ledge
Nobody could very start to understand their thinking
All I could very see was my will to live was shrinking
If there is any justice in this very cruel world of mine
So God please find me my place I dream to be Devine
Copyright © Brian Anderson | Year Posted 2016
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