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Crow Thepoet Poem
A shadow of the sun
a silhouette created by a sunset
One more summer has came and went
and I'm sitting inbetween the hours of 8 and 9
miserable and lonely
Is it me
Is it me to get screwed over aimlessly
tied in a knot of pretty little bow
on top of a brand new shredder
Oh no, there's one of my strands caught
here I go into the cascade of oblivion
Is it me
Is it me to lay here, stuck in a timeless routine
I could predict every step of my life
name all the things I would do down to the key
the hours and times I would end and begin again to find a source of idiotic entertainment
Is it me, is it me
Why is this me
I could blame every inch of this city
I could blame every inch of this city
I could point all my fingers at this blistering heat
but it would just look like I'm bowing down in submission to the sun
but it would just look like there's something massively wrong with me
Is there something massively wrong with me
I just want to go back home
but I would just be the same wreck as I am now
I just want to go back home
but I'd still be me, moping in someone's elses grief
I'd still be me getting screwed over by more cunning minds
or just the less naive
As morbid as it seems
the days I live sometimes just makes me want to abruptly
shut my eyes and never open them again
the poetic mind I bear which never ceases these endless visions
these endless memories I'd rather forget
and never remember
I can't chuckle at the things that point the knife in back
and turns to where I can't run away, paralyzed
I have a fear of drowning
I've mentioned it before
I just want to buy an ocean
and float on my back
float on my back, sail to a distant island
or close my eyes and sink like a feather of lead...
These summer days aren't how these used to be
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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Crow Thepoet Poem
Love
I wish I could tell how I feel
but I'm better with actions more than words
yet today I am just too far out of reach
I should apologize but you already know I'm sorry
so this is no time for sorrys
but still I'm sorry
I'm a little excited and I have no idea what to say
I could start with a cliche
like I am Earth and you are the Sun
and I just can't help but orbit around you
I'm not an artist, but I'm just drawn to you
Cheesy and a terrible pick up line
but hey can you blame me
you make my brain lose thought
and my heart skip a beat
Love, you are my everything
And I wish I could give you my eyes
let you see yourself through my eyes
for you to see how special you are to me
for you to see the beauty in you I see
Unlike these carbon clay cut outs
you are beautiful from the inside out
I act so sheepishly when I see you from afar
I know you can tell
for I know you see me
duck behind a tree
just so we can play a brief game of hide and seek
my own symbolic way of saying you found me
you found me from the darkest place I was trapped in
I can't thank you enough
I've never been so happy
just staring within your smile
just staring within your gateway to your soul
your very warm soul
Love, you are my everything
If I could spend forever
right here under the clouds
right here under the stars
on a checkered picnic blanket
with your hand in mine
your head resting on my shoulders
I will be the luckiest duck in the world
no matter how much I say I'm nothing
no matter how much I say I'm just another ugly duckling
Love, you are everything to me
Love, you give me all the confidence in the world
to be more than what I am
Love, you are everything
Love, I know you are asleep
but I hope my message won't disturb you
for you are my Sleeping Beauty
and I your noble prince
please dream softly until you awake
with butterfly eyes
to my gentle kiss, to my gentle words
Love, I love you
Love
Love
Love, will you marry me
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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Crow Thepoet Poem
Just enough to make it just
I want this to be enough to make this
The last song ever, the last note ever
The last romantically, poetically sad excuse for an apology, epilogue
But I've already messed up the melody that would've carried me to the finish line from this moment in time
So if you would allow me to pick up my fragile pieces, go back to my quiet solace
Hit reset and start all over again...
This Wild Life, my muse today
A consistent mainstay
I just hope it helps okay
I made a mistake, a miscalculation
A slight misconception
Played a song to induce tears
I knew it would hurt
You'd think I would learn
It's been gone for years
And I can't get it back
You'd think I would learn
Cause for years, it's all I asked
Then I said, "Get Away, Get Away
Just give me some space"
Hey, This Wild Life
Is it okay for me to turn this into a song for myself
Give it away, give it away
Let me have this today
Don't Say no, at least not right now
For right now, I'm not fine
I'm not alright
And there goes my melody tonight...
I called you here, stay here please
I will get this right
Sarah, hey how are you
No, please don't look so confused
No, you did nothing wrong here
No, you haven't appeared in a blue moon
Forgive me, I just miss you
So soon, everyday feels so soon
Years too late and it feels so soon
Don't leave! Wait! Just hear me out
Please just stay, no don't turn away
I need you okay, I need you okay
If I told you to listen to this song
Would you say okay?
What did you do so wrong to me?
I turned the thought over and over in my head
Found negative answers instead
I turned the thought over in my head
And wanted to go home to sleep instead
I turned the thought over in my head
What did you do so wrong to me?
And there it is, the question it seems
You don't know and I don't apparently
What did you do so wrong to me?
Played our song on repeat as you told me constantly like a tape recorder mouthing off all your indecencies
As you washed yourself of me with love and all it's other drugs
Were you snug like a bug in your rug as you took your blanket shape shifting it like a knife constructed to pierce me
Were you happy knowing that you slit both my wrists and broke my neck leaving me dead
Did you ever once consider how I felt, did you ever even hear me when I said you were all I had left
Did you ever once hear me when I said you were all I had
You were all I had
There it rises, the problem I have with you
The anger, the rage your memory ensues
My gut says to hate you for all you put me through
The lies, the false goodbyes, the way you had me by rope tugging at me
A blind dog on all fours
My gut says to hate you
Call this the end, scream for you to
"GET AWAY, GET AWAY! LEAVE ME BE THIS DAY!
JUST GET AWAY, GET AWAY! Let me dabble in the misery you plagued me with this day"
While my heart says, "No, shut up. Sarah, I love you. Don't leave, stay with me. Sarah, pick up the phone, contact me. Sarah, I love you; say something to know you remember my name. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah please don't give up on me
As my mind bust out laughing maniacally, "She doesn't love you, why else would she torture you? Torture your insides till you felt like you were bleeding all the time?
Why would she love you, embrace you when all your love was blind?
Why would she love you when you've been living in her vicinity; you've lived in the same city as her and yet you've only seen her face once
Nearly collapsing on sight from a panic attack when you wished it, wanted it, asked for it
You cowardly fool, why would love someone like you when it's so much more fun to torture you? Muhahahaha!"
To be fair I thought you, Sarah, were all mine
Though maybe in truth my love was blind, I thought you were all mine
How many shared your fruit with me?
And that's what brings me to my dilemma
Why I called you here
Why I play this song on repeat, intentionally messed up the melody yet still keep it intact
Please don't go away, go away
Sarah, please stay
I am selfish, I don't understand
With you, I knew what it meant to be a man
Sarah, I'm lost without you
I'm no one, you were my dream come true
Sarah, I diluted myself with poison and revenge
I've turned green with envy, wanting you; demanding that you return to me so I can have the real closure I've wanted for so long
But all this closure that I seek, is for me to kiss your cheek and say see you soon
8 years later and it all still feels so soon
Don't get away, get away
Sarah, please answer me
Do you have any pleasant memories of us?
Do you think of us anymore?
I, cluelessly in love with you
You, blissfully radiant too
All I have are these downhill memories
A giant snowball of negativity
Please share with me what you have left
Sarah, please don't go away
I still carry pictures of you for my sake
So I don't run out of my house, screaming "where are you?!"
So I don't call your phone feeling blue saying I miss you
Sarah, please don't go away, go away
I need you okay
Sarah, please don't leave me all alone again
I can't keep screaming at your moving pictures saying I hate you with rage
I can't keep staring at your heart with wonder and puppy dog eyes
Thinking softly if I'm still there, somewhere
Sarah, please don't go away
I'm lost this day....
But she never answered me
She never heard me
I stare blankly at this mirror, envisioning her face
But it's just my own, twin streaks of tears rolling
This Wild Life singing softly
"Don't say it's over"
But it's over
It has been for 8 years
I've tried to twist time, make her mine one last moment for a lifetime
I saw it once, she was my forever
I am her never
What's funny is I know the words she'd say if she read this
She'd say incredulously
"Awe Russy, I'm impressed
You have a way with your distress
I love you too but there's no more room for you
I'm happy you see
You need to move on cause you won't be happy chasing after me"
But the thing is in small steps, I have moved on
There's a lovely lady I'm chasing west coast bound
I repeat for it to be real cause honestly it still sounds so make believe to me
That I am traveling to California to be with a girl I saw in the same light I saw Sarah
And I'm terrified, terrified
So I call back on my first promised wife
I don't say hello, and I won't say goodbye
I'm just letting my mirror know that I'm letting you go
So it can pass it on to your reflection so you can see me in your eyes one day and finally get back to me
Just don't say I love you too...
Just tell me "I remember you"
Because I can't forget you too
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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Crow Thepoet Poem
Bright lights, big city...
bright lights, big city dreams...
please just take me away tonight
Let me rest on your elegance tonight
I have no energy left to spend in reality
so please knock me unconscious
just to be in the place that makes me...
I wanted to sing
so loudly, proudly of a heroine
put aside a feeling of haste, of hate
of Juliet turned Medusa
now my Medusa Juliet turning Rapunzel
Strange it may seem, I'll explain a different day
something betters my attention
begs my words to form a letter
Veronica...once my Veronica
in this play, in this scene
we were able to make amends, stay friends
20, we are both 20
Life is confusing
all these convoluted schemes it throws our way
How are we supposed to seize the day
how about she seized me instead
A story, a flashback inside another story
remember 'If Your Reflection Could Kill'
a memoir asking questions and banishing Juliet from my life
if only for a while
I just wanted answers but she fled away
from what she believed to be cancer
though it gave a chance for Veronica and I to be consistently happy
but there is no happy for me
We hit a cosmic rift, a cosmic shift
a month after a daringly rushed proposal
someone got lost, got scared, turned ghost, just shutdown completely
Months go by and we reconciled
you'd think there'd be a happy ending in silver lining
yet a month maybe three weeks from present day
arrives Juliet atop her steed of do-overs and repeats
a fresh start
I didn't buy a single word
I don't subscribe to politics but I know how hers works
still I couldn't banish her again
I couldn't, I can't
Myself, I've been running away
pointing if only an ounce of blame her way
knowing full well I fell in love with the girl for three years
who was just words across a screen
a voice from a phone
I only dreamed of who she could be
now I know
and in her eyes I still felt that same bitter love
I wanted to keep 4 years back
so Juliet wanted my audience
my ears and my eyes to acknowledge she was finally here to stay
here to play no games
I had no good reason to deny
so my answer was obvious
but Veronica, she caught wind of this
and there went my attempt to gain back what time has torn apart
Veronica, she tore down my walls so she knew
I could hear her scream with disdain, curse my name
What was she angry for
an entire year, she tried to see my face again
an entire year, I had a list of excuses to keep her at bay
It was never because I didn't trust myself
it was all because I couldn't dare stare in the face
someone of importance
knowing it was me that once dared to keep a promised
and succeeded in the quickest time to break her and it
making her cry
What made her angry
She believed I chose Juliet over her
and I tried to defend myself with armed words
justified explanations
but I had no explanation to give
I was unarmed in these verbal fights
I didn't know what was right
what to say
that day changed everything
Juliet took Veronica's place
as the conversationalist, the smiling heroine
as the one I could compliment
the one I could make happy
the one I could just be me
Veronica, she just spent two weeks
taking jab after jab at Juliet
taking jab after jab at me...till yesterday
a bad day turned nightmare
when I unbottled truth built up for weeks
I confessed my reasons, my seasons
why she hasn't seen my face, a long list of apologies
so the weight of my shoulders would leave
so she would know, so we could grow
as like me, you would hope for a naive understanding response
as like me, you would hope for a silver lining
hope she'd understand
but I know all too well
there is no happy ending for me
The deities all laugh at my scorn
never happy till they see me destroyed
never satisfied till they, in awe, watch me weep
Veronica, I think I may have lost a friend in Veronica
I called it fate, I called it destiny
since she made it all to be my fault
that I'm a liar
when she knows full well I just want everyone in the world
who steps in my universe to be happy
Forgive me for my selfish desire but it's true
I may now talk about myself too much
but it doesn't compare to how much I cared about her
or want her to be happy
Oh no
She pressed the button, she pressed the button
Did she really say that she doesn't know who I am
did she really say that I'm not her old sweet best friend
does she really have the right to say anything? !
She left me behind!
When we were kids, she left me behind
for the religious remarks of my cousin tore her apart
She could've came back at anytime
She left me behind
For years, I waited for her return with baited breath
though each time she came back
once to tell me at 2 in the morning that she got lucky
once to accompany me through my second tour of Juliet
as freaking spectator
she left and never said anything else
If it wasn't for a mutual friend
she would've never talked to me again!
She left me behind!
She wasn't there when I needed her the most
when I needed a friend the most
but that doesn't matter no cause oh I'm a liar
cause I have a selfish desire to be miserable
while I want the whole world who steps into my universe to be happy
All these words I never said to her, to Veronica
I just sat defenseless, sat stunned, sat fed up, sat done
tried to defend myself again but there's nothing to defend
told her good night, good life
hope to talk again
but if she was done with me, tell me so
cause I'd rather not spend another night
getting cussed out, getting yelled at
trying to muster up a defense case
for something I do that doesn't directly effect her
but in her eyes this friendship isn't worth it
I'm not worth it
freaking perfect...
Bright lights...big city...
just take me far away from here
give me amnesia or just omit her from my memory
I'm sick of this
of everything inadvertently being the fault of me
Are you happy deities? ? !
Are you happy?
There is no happy ending for me
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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Crow Thepoet Poem
With this needle and thread I stitch the wounds Avril left
but with this blade I angrily carve a new
rough, short, jagged adjacent from the bone in my wrist
for a reflection of our relationship
and an outlet for the anger unable to release
Then another upon my neck where she used to sweetly kiss
fresh and clean, letting the blood fall slowly and peacefully
as I fall to chaos on the inside
Blue is the warmest color
the words sting more than the knife I hesitantly hang
above the vein I'm so desperate to cut
How can something so warm become so bitter, so brutal
I search the mirror for answers just to see her face instead
piercing me, mocking me; a bonfire to laugh at a candle
as she disappears in an array of fragments
falling to sleep by the lullaby of the earthquake
resounding from my fist
Cradling my hand, tossing away the pain
I collapse under the weight of my destruction
a king of night slain by the queen of day
as music, my magician, attempts to revive me
installing hope while simultaneously shrouding me in defeat
How can cupid so small shoot an arrow so mighty
I curse the sky, it's betraying hue
as I pray for night, praying for mercy
falling asleep in the arms of sorrow protecting me...
Where am I
I open bloodshot eyes into fluorescent white, an illusion
my world is pitch black and I can't open my eyes
As I begin to panic, shaking the bars upon my heart
for it to beat once again
As I begin to panic
beating upon the neurons while screaming, 'STIMULATE! '
As I begin to panic, kicking the glass in my iris to bring forth color
a vibrant world in contrast to the island of grey
I persist to escape
a calmness washes over me
a calm voice whispers so eloquently to me
'Hush thou art deceived
come, follow the sound of my voice; come to me'
Is this angel sent to guide me into a peaceful forever slumber
or is she a temptress so beautiful I die at first sight
She said I am deceived
deceived by what, by who; I must know
'Hush thou art deceived
come, follow the sound of my voice; come to me'
That milky, honey echo so familiar
so tantalizing, tangible; the feeling of invincibility to follow
'Hush thou art deceived
come, follow the sound of my voice; come to me'
That sound, that voice bouncing off the walls of my dreams
I burst through to find a coffee shop
teeming with no one but me
Then, like a miracle of air, there the voice beholds a face
a captivating beauty so perfect
Her hair, a halo of pink lost in a maze of fields painted black
Her eyes, twins pools of green, the most amazing I've ever seen
that no words give release as I make my attempt to speak
My mouth gains dust as my jaws begin to rust shut
Then she smiles
her cheeks produce dimples, her nose slightly scrunching
yet it's still enough to make me melt
me, now a puddle within my shoes
She giggles and lifts me up
I without a fuss as she sweeps me up in a hug
With a voice to make Aphrodite jealous she whispers softly
'Hush thou art deceived, you are not in love with me
but I in love with you so here take my hand
I'll show you my world if I can to see if you understand'
Puzzled I take her hand but I still don't understand
my breath won't resurrect so I save the rest
as she pokes my chest
for her to hear me breathlessly ask her name
She takes a step back with a small little laugh
she grabs my hand as I realize where I stand
Stunned and amazed I turn to run
but the sight of a whale shakes me to the core
the same frequency as I shake her
shouting, 'WHY ARE WE ON THE OCEAN FLOOR? ! '
With a playful smile, she bothered to ask
'You've made castles by the shore, no?
I know that we are more so let's make castles on the floor'
With a gleeful jump, she began to work
as my panic turns to curiosity, shaking my head in disbelief
I join in, my mind in a tailspin
I have a whirlwind of questions but they blow over with the ocean tide
as she regails her tale of the other side
a world unfamiliar yet she gains my intrigue
with stories I can't compete
Though silently I beg the question
How am I deceived, this feels right to me
How can this be wrong with her bright smile bringing me back to life
She looks up at the wrong time, aware I'm elsewhere
runs and jumps into my arms
placing a phantom kiss upon my lips
a stone fortress under siege by vulnerability
With a phantom kiss I return to her realm
amidst her question hanging in the air, 'Is anything amiss? '
I reply with a smile and a shake of my head
asking for a simple change of scenery
I have a request but it goes unheard
a mouse on Christmas night; though I shake with slight fright
as she gets my request just right
I sprawl out on the grass, the night sky spread out
a cluster of piercings mapping out my former source of glory
now the orchestrator of my misery
I wince with sudden grief, shedding tears of pain thought renounced
pausing only to find the object of my current affection
eyes brilliant pearls, mimicking the stars stoic beauty
perched upon my lap; staring at me intently, intensely
and without words asking who has wronged me so
With words I cannot bear to voice that name
so I pull her into my embrace
her gaze away from the image of me, clutching what ails me in my hand
till my knuckles turn white as snow then I let go
letting the memory fade so I know it's true
And with a sudden moment I look her square in the eyes
for love is all I have inside
as I ask her to sprout wings of butterflies with me
black as a panther mixed with red of passion for me
a costume of gold with a pink lining for her
for she's perfect beyond reason
I ask her to fly away with me to a galaxy outside the milky way
Sadness in her eyes, she denies
placing her finger upon my heart as she cries
reviving my stilled heartbeat...
Was it a dream or just my escape as my eyes flicker wide
welcoming a world I don't recognize
I try to sit up but I fall back
a heavy sigh to escape my thoughts, 'Where is she'
Like an owl, my head spins in a circle just to locate her presence
but like a ghost arises her voice in my conscious
'Hush thou art deceived for I lied
you are in love with me and I in love with you
but we can only exist in your dreams'
I know I should've savored every moment
but what happens when every moment was an illusion
to everyone, everyone but you
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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Crow Thepoet Poem
I have questions...
questions I seem to have stored in a jar
a collection seen as emptiness from afar
to these arcane corridors of secrets life has assured
My voice may be murmurous at best
lacking the presence of someone who is sonorous
who's voice is superfluous
but that's not going to stop me from speaking my mind today
This is an empty letter though every word matters
so apologies for the idle chatter
I just needed a foot in the door so please don't ignore me
just hang on to every word...
So where were we before this?
before we were born?
Where do our memories start and begin
outside our births or 5 years into being born
We may see with our eyes but how much of this dazzling world
have we seen that we can't recall
How on earth were we created?
was it really a random cosmic shift from nothingness
which brought time and life flowing
or is somewhere in the distant void beings of malevolence and benevolence
really somehow exist
Though with all the gifts modern society gives
how have we not been able to see
when we have satellites all over our solar system
bringing in information unheard of
Don't get me wrong, I know the basics of the universe
or what they teach us in school, in science class
but how in the world do we have oxygen on our little blue marble
if there's none in dark recesses of space
How are we the only planet in perfect placement from the sun
with all we need for sustainability
I find it surreal, very surreal
someone in time with gorgeous vision created all of this
but I find it insane, overwhelming there's not a hint of schematics
of how this was possible
just holy books lost in holy wars
fighting amongst textbooks worth millions of dollars in ink
as we all just watch the sunset fade, where do it go
I get it, we're spinning exponentially
but how can we see the sun from light years away
The moon is in our orbit and it's still not that much closer
which raises another question
on paper, the moon just looks like a stones throw away
so why does Earth's days last 24 hours
but it takes half a year to reach that stony surface
I get it, we are intelligent creatures
we are all pioneers in a sense
but who decides which pioneer lives and leaves an era
with something to build upon
Abnormalities exist, paranormal lives but answer me this
where did it originate
when did it start
where do we go, do we start over in a parallel universe
what do you see when you see nothing but space, empty
or do we just become souls in others...
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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Crow Thepoet Poem
This is how it starts
the decline of who we are, the decline of something more
the start of wars
Installed in us is confidence
confidence, a blessing or a curse
Without confidence we stand degraded, disenchanted, alone
while with too much we kick down too many doors
in celebration of charm and charisma gravely mistaken as a badge of honor when it's nothing more than a swelled head
a measly test to gain self esteem built upon miscommunication
Hello society, do you remember me?
No? well I doubt you would and I don't think you could
I don't really remember myself anyway
Who was I before I started typing
who is this new person filling these empty spaces
I have suffered amnesia in recent weeks
A trip to California filled with excitement wonder, adventure, love
something wondrous from the droll momentless wasteland
caused a slight chain reaction from inside quite frightening
My birthday was marred with my own inner demons attacking me
when I breakdown, I breakdown
letting free flowing tears never dared to stain my countenance in droves before
for a straight hour, the peptalk to make that day the best ever
turned into an internal war that raged on for two hours
killing the day, killing the moment, killing plans well prepared
so here I share with you an excerpt of the day:
'There's a lit cigarette...how I hope to high heaven it were true
but seems even my own dreams of tattoos are false
I am false
Do I even exist
What's the point of even trying, I screamed myself a pep talk
exiting from myself to get a grip of myself
What good did that do if I'm sitting here
crying, angrily crying inside my own mind
drowning in burning embers, feeling like a heel
I feel like such a heel ground so far into the dirt
Someone special did something special for me, my Maribelle
and all I can do is waste away here
as she pretends I don't exist, she's frozen by my inaction
as I cease to exist in the physical world like I wish I could
This was a mistake
I sabotaged my own birthday..again
I sabotage everything
Why am I my own worst enemy'
I blame well at least before that day I had an out
I blamed my job for grabbing at my nerves and ripping them out
It took everything I had not to tear my own hair out
Maribelle, she knew my discomfort
she knew my outrage, for a year now our contact has been consistent
a daily motivation
as all others in my social circles went on with their busy lives
we are all loving people with strong ties to one another
yet we are all just terrible at constant communication
a tangent but back to the main course
I've kept this hidden from Maribelle
but one close other knew the truth
I was contemplating suicide
I've been vocal enough of my hate for my life to end prematurely
and surely I hoped nothing would come of it
if I did so solely in writing as I've done in the past
but this last round of grievances
this last round of agitation made it ring true
I maybe overdue for a curtain call
that no amount of love, no amount of promise can bring me back from
so desperately I took feverishly to my notepad and this what came about: 'There's a lit cigarette in the hand of my new angel
at least that's what the ink on my arm dictates, enunciates with feeling, feeling like I'm all devoid of
If I slit my wrists now, may she save me
before I have a split second to change my mind for then it'll be too late
I'd tear my head from neck in violent protest
it was getting too heavy for me anyway
In any and every way, the sickness is sinking in
the poison in it of itself that labels suicide
it's sinking in, bitter ever bitter
burning wounds yet to heal filed under
anger which has been blooming for weeks
uninterrupted weeks clawing up the walls of my insides
begging for freedom
and I in an attempt to not submit chew my own version of cigarettes
a school born addiction of mint and crystals
harmless chewing gum
to ease the anxiety, to stop me from screaming at the top of my lungs
like my hero in anime
Anime, something's not working; this isn't working
the items I use to alleviate the hot air flowing through my system
a form of airbending called breathing, laughing, disintegration
persuasion to lose yourself in distraction
I call it decompression
but decompression compresses me into a box
a claustrophobic box of small proportions
and it's still here, absorption
embedded in my skin, an itch I can't rid myself of
So sets in the sun, singed becomes the hair upon my legs
as fire starts to spit and sputter from above in rays so harsh
and it's crumbling
the structure I was composing
the structure I built
the structure, the structure puncturing through skin....'
Puncturing through my skin was the image of Hannah Baker
displaying in two strokes upon twin wrists her 13 reasons
for ceasing to exist amongst an overflowing bathtub
with tears and screams of pure agony as her lifeforce slipped
I caught my composure in a pretzel knot and broke down
When I break down I break down
and now I don't know who I am
Maribelle, she's trying to put a humpty dumpty back together
yet she alone is grasping at puzzle pieces
while I like a ghost try to aid but I'm useless without my hands
all I can offer is love, love is all I have left
Everything else I fear is only a half measure
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2017
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Crow Thepoet Poem
They say dreams are the gateway to the show, the subconscious
like dreams are the free movies you subscribe to
once you close your eyes
If that's true
then what kind of movies am I subscribed to
What on earth do I think about while I sleep
This nightmare, the images I can't get out of my head
I repeat
incomplete are my thoughts
as I fail to sleep yet these drastic slumbering memories
find a way to seep through the disguise
of a day going all too well
freaking swell
Doctor, doctor
please tell me what all of this means
Doctor, doctor
tell me one thing
is 'delusional' the ailment to my disease
a spectacle of sorts
Doctor, doctor
What does it mean for you to be possessed in comatose by a ghost
then proceed to rip apart your own skin
to remove the demon within
shouting that you will not die today
What does it mean
to witness video game like death
a female apparition scratching names off her list
as she takes life after life
in search for her daughter just to kill her too
then resurrect the players to pursue and destroy again
What sense does any of this make
to be saved by a gaming controller
from a pack of werewolves on an abandoned dirt road
Doctor, doctor
what is your diagnosis
Doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor
could you tell me something, anything
Doctor, doctor
or would you shrug it off
make a joke and tell me to sleep it off
tell me to kill myself in my dreams
so I only find truth in my demise
like a personal cocoon to retreat in
and relive the moment where I thought I was in immortal
only to float back down on my magic carpet
bound and gagged
for me to be killed by corrupt castle guards
till I wake up in a panic
a childhood movie ruined internally
Doctor, doctor
am I delusional or am I really that evil
for even my dreams wish to bury me so far deep in the ground
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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Crow Thepoet Poem
Another night
Another fight to survive
As the days go by
Everybody with blonde hair and blue eyes
And if the religion fits
They'll burn to a crisp
This is a fight
A fight to stay alive
Some have tried to escape this
This Holocaust as some have called it
But they were stopped
Dragged, pulled back in
Forced to endure harsh labor camps
Forced to flee their homes
To find a secret place to
Live peacefully without a fear of
Their lives taken away without dignity
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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Crow Thepoet Poem
Is it time again
Is this another day again
where I sit up once more
waste my fingers to the bone
to describe my grievance with the Sorceress
named Sarah...
No...not this time
Is it time again
is this another day when
I sit up once more
waste my fingers to the bone
rejoicing how much in love I was with Sarah my Sorceress
No...not this time
she's not mine anymore
Was she truly mine to begin with
I don't really know
I don't think I ever really did
but it doesn't matter
cause in defiance to everyone who told me to forget
in defiance to those who told me to grow up and move on
in defiance to myself
I begin my ode to Sarah
Traditional, this is not one
They, the people
they've all heard the tales
my strives to be with you
my lessons to hold you
my ends to forget you
my means to erase, detach you from me
but it's all been an attempted failure
like plankton stealing a krabby patty
like Icarus flying with wax wings
I'm just a failure
a loser
I was crowned so
after a movie date gone awry with you
or do you remember
I can never forget
Where is the sense in all of this
I have no clue
All I know, well I know nothing
I'm miserable without you
I'm a fluctuating time bomb with you
I can't stand you
I love you
I want to push you off a cliff
I want to hold you and never let go
just to remember, just to know
what I felt four years ago was true
what I felt four years ago was real
Sarah, how did us become so wrong
Sarah, will you admit you were stolen from me
Sarah, how can you not remember you were stolen from me
Sarah, believe me...
Sarah, do you even remember me...
I once held you so close to my heart
Sarah, do you even remember me...
No...you've barely spoken my name since I was forced to leave
only to get a rise out of me
leading me on, building me up
sending your knights out to slay the dragon of me
sending your vikings out to slay me
sending your pirates out to burn me to the ground
sending your vultures out to make sure I would be laid deceased
Are you satisfied
I lay deceased
Are you happy
here I am depressed
and yet here I still defend your name
while I curse it just the same
Sarah...
Sarah...
(sigh) Selena...
I can say it like a man
I can take it like a man
I can stand up and be a man
to fall back down and be a kid again
I loved you
you were everything to me
you were...everything
but everything is now nothing
and that's I guess is me now
Nothing...nothing...nothing...
I'm sick of everyone telling me
holding on is unhealthy
I'm sick of everyone telling me
to grow up and get over
be a man and move on
when they cannot fathom how much I tried to
move on, ignore, fast forward
but like a scratched up CD
I lagged, I skipped forward and back
trying to keep my head on straight
bent in and out of shape
built a castle and moat in quick sand
everything just to...just to...
just to get away
but I lost all the battles
lost the war
I spent my entire freshman year of high school
just to detach and latch on
to hope
to hope maybe one day I could hold you again
to hope maybe I'll never see you again
So I guess one scenario came true
and I guess another truth is a wish untrue
Sarah...Sarah the Sorceress...Sarah my Sorceress...
Selena...
I miss you...
I hate you...
I love you...
I get depressed everytime I talk to you
everytime I think you about you
you were my happiness
you were my everything
you were...you were...
Sarah...
Selena...
I once said forever...
I once promised you my whole life...
but like rusty flowers
my promises have withered and flown away
So do I say goodbye this day
or do I hold onto you tightly
May 22nd,2009...
our first and last kiss
do I hold onto you tightly
in my mind...
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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