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Best Poems Written by Sloppy Joe

Below are the all-time best Sloppy Joe poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

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Sloppy Joe

Chicken is nice
But I enjoy something with a little more spice
I looked at my head and I looked at my toe
I thought, "Dang I need myself a sloppy joe"
I went to Mcdonalds but all they have are burgers and fries
I wanted to leave but I really hate goodbyes
They came to take my order and I yelled, "I'll just take a sloppy"
They got a menu and went and made a copy
They told me they didn't have that here
So I just told them to bring me out a beer
They then said they also didn't have that dear 
And I told her that she better stop being a queer
So finally after an hour of complaining
I left because it was getting a little draining
So I went home to bake my own dang joe
I couldn't find any meat so I cooked an old dang crow
Finally I got to eat
A sloppy joe is the best kind of meat

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Can You Drive Me Home

Dude my car just blew up
The dang fire killed my pup
I'm tired of my junk car
I might go kill myself in the bar
I went to a phone booth
I decided to make out with my tooth
I tried to make a call
But it was broke so I sold it to a mall
I need to get my car fixed
But I cut my arm, so now I need to go get it stitched
I was walking till someone stopped beside me
He flipped me off and then hit into a tree
I laughed at him and he got out of his vehicle
He then grabbed me by the throat and stabbed me with a nickel
Just when i thought it couldn't get any worse
I bought myself a purse 
I saw a cop so i went up to him
I asked if he could drive me home
He laughed and asked if I need a trim
I said no but he still gave me a comb
I then just killed the cop and stole his car
I could have walked home it wasn't even that far

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Love and Animals

Love is in the air
To be honest I don't really care
Come on love, get the heck out of here
Once I went to date this girl
I guess it was illegal to date a female squirrel
Cops took me in for animal abuse
Good thing they didn't find my dead moose
When I got to court I told them all I ever do is love 
And they told me you can't do that with a dead dove
I don't understand why it's illegal 
I've done it many times with untamed eagles 
Turns out I have ten years in jail
My animals still send me nudes in the mail

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Egg and Bacon Sandwich

I heat up the stove and throw oil in the pan
I watch as the grease pop
Here comes the eggs man
Don't let the cooking stop
Once the egg is nice and fried 
I slam the bacon down nice and calm
I burnt the egg so I slowly cried
as it sizzled and popped just like a bomb
I rushed to the fridge to grab the cheese
I ran to the toaster to toast my bread
Sadly I tripped and slammed my knees 
I might as well be dead
I got up so the bacon wouldn't burn
and flipped it over
making sure each side gets a turn
I finally finished cooking all the food
Made the sandwich to the inch of perfection
I freaked out because I saw this disgusting dude
I then noticed it was just my reflection
This was the perfect sandwich, I know I'm right
I smiled, the scent of the meat lingers 
I saw a large greasy hand come into sight
And rip it away from my fingers
I screamed as he bit into it
"Don't eat anymore of it, I forbid!"
I begged and begged for him to quit
He finished the rest of it, I really hate my kid.

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Cocaine Apple Sauce

Cocaine
Apple sauce
In my vein
Can't get across
I do it every day
Every night
I can't pay
Now I'm about to fight
I'm trying to get some from the store
I even smoked some off the floor
Chicken fingers and roast beef
Salads and a roasted leaf
Drugs and apples are the best
Because of it I always failed my drug test
Well life is good and life is great
Even if I am over weight

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Get Off My Food

I hate when people steal my food
Every time it happens I get in a bad mood
I once left my food with a friend
When I came back, it was gone, and our friendship was at an end
Don't ever let me see you touch my ice cream
If you do you'll be seeing a bloodstream
I once killed a man for eating my chips
I walked in when he was putting the last one on his lips
All my snacks are going with me when I die
I dare you to take them from me, just try
So you better get off my food and stay away
I don't care what you do or what you say
This chicken breast is mine
also the sandwich and this disgusting wine
I don't even care if it sucks
I'll even drink a plain coffee from starbucks
So better think twice
If you don't steal from me I'm pretty nice

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Wet and Juicy - the Story of Gum

Oh yeah Gum
You're hot, but you're dumb
You get wet as I chew
You're juicy and a sexy color of blue
Let me just put you in my mouth please
I don't even care if you were made by the chinese
Every night I get you out
I'll do you any day, no doubt
After a while your flavor starts to leave
My tongue, you will no longer receive
Sometimes I find you just sitting alone
Then as I chew you for some reason I start to moan
You taste great 
Even if this is only our second date
I finally decide to spit you in the trash
Turns out I'm allergic and I now have a rash
Screw you I'm done tasting your flavors
I'm going back to eating life savers

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Soups Only For the Poor

Soup is only for the poor
But seriously I want more
If only I could drink the broth
I would kill an animal, maybe a moth
I need a spoon to eat this junk
I'm in a boat, a shark hit it, now i'm sunk
I'm living on the side of the road
But I've got soup, it's not too cold
Even though it's winter
I wish I could use a dang fork
Possibly even kill someone in new york
Soup should only be given to the poor
Maybe, soon, I might score
Hopefully
Then again, I live on the street 
I'm always getting beat up, always beat
That's why I need soup
Because it's for the poor.

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Bath Time

For some reason I have to get cleaned up
My mom's trying to clean me like i'm some dang pup
She puts shampoo all over my head
"You're a dirty boy" She always said
I have to take a bath every day
I only take a shower once, and that's in may
The water's warm and the room is cold
If I want to get out I have to be bold
I step out and I'm freezing 
I think I caught a cold, now I'm sneezing
I swear I smelled like a flower
But I hate flowers so now I have to go take another shower
This time I used man soap
This time there was hope
Finally Im clean
My mom smacked me and I said that she was mean
then I went outside and got in the mud 
I guess I have to take another bath bud

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My Wife

If only I had a wife
I would hate my life
I couldn't imagine staying with someone forever
Unless their clever
I sort of wish I could buy my mom's husband a ring
But it wouldn't fit because he had a bee sting
Now i'm out here searching for my love
To bad all I found was a stupid hot dove
I was about to drink some coffee 
but instead I got some toffee
They are basically the same thing
Then I decided to start to sing
It pretty much sucked
Someone threw a tomato, I ducked
I wish everyone was single
Then I could share my pringles
With anyone I wish
But to bad I'm married
Not anymore though, my wife was just buried.