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Carly Steelberg Poem
One year ago to the DAY.
My best friend..my only friend...my Mom passed AWAY.
It doesn't feel like a year has passed, yet it also feels like lifetimes AGO.
The day my Mom passed...will forever be my deepest, my darkest LOW.
Seems like forever since I was at HOME.
Losing my Mom has given new meaning to feeling ALONE!
No one to talk to.
No one to take care of me!
No one UNDERSTANDS!
Im just taking care of everyone else's DEMANDS!
I lost my soul!
I lost my WAY!
I'm lost.
You can't care about tomorrow if you don't care about TODAY
Copyright © Carly Steelberg | Year Posted 2015
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Carly Steelberg Poem
Will I ever be the same?
It seems everything RELATES!
I'm stuck in a memory of what
was, and I don't know if I will
ever ESCAPE?
How can I replace the only
person that ever
UNDERSTOOD!?
How do I accept someone
else... hoping that maybe they
COULD!
There are so many memories
that I want to forget, and even
more that I choose to KEEP!
I wish that I could choose the
memories that stayed as well
as the ones that I bury down
DEEP!
As you say love is a battlefield,
and yes we earned our SCARS!
Its ironic that you taught me
self defense, how to box and
SPAR!
I never thought you were the
one that I should FEAR, but
you were the one that had to
leave when all I wanted was for
you to stay HERE!
How will I ever RECOVER?
How will I ever love
ANOTHER?!
You changed my life in ways
tragic and MIRACULOUS.
The love we had I thought was
FABULOUS.
Did I not UNDERSTAND?
Did I just fall for what you had
actually PRE-PLANNED?
How do I feel again that
INTENSITY?
How do I believe that someone
else is truthful in what appears
to be their SENSITIVITY?
These questions I ask knowing
you cannot ANSWER!
"You are dead to me."
No, that is not an ANALOGY!
You and I are not allowed to
TALK! You may be gone but
your not FORGOT!
The last petal I picked was he
loves me NOT!
Copyright © Carly Steelberg | Year Posted 2014
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Carly Steelberg Poem
Panic attack!
I heard a noise and just freaked the **** OUT!
I immediately thought it was you, and I started to SHOUT!
Tortured and stalked!
Tormented and brain washed!
Yes that is my PAST.
But I swear it will be me who laughs LAST!
An empty SHELL.
That's where I feel safe to DWELL.
It feels like heaven because it reminds me of my HELL!
Born a blank canvas.
I want to be a beautiful work of art.
Will I die never being PAINTED?
All I keep getting is confirmation that I'm TAINTED!
Born alone.
They say you die alone too.
What If you live alone all your LIFE?
Do you exist if no one has ever validated you with their own SIGHT?
Invisible I FEEL.
They couldn't see me because the reality of my existence made their own reality too REAL!
Copyright © Carly Steelberg | Year Posted 2014
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Carly Steelberg Poem
Courtrooms and CAGES
Arrests, scared...scarred from
the RAGES!
Broken hearts from broken
doors.
Glass SHATTERED!
The consequences didn't seem
to MATTER!
Built me new!
Tore me down.
Never built me BACK!
I don't know which hurt worse
the first... or the last ATTACK!
It was me and you.
Then US!
Now it's you and ME
SEPARATELY-
No TRUST!
Epiphanies, metaphors,
moments of CONNECTIONS
We had it all through deep
INTROSPECTION.
I may have been your mirror
but you were mine as WELL,
In your reflection I saw
heaven...
in my reflection, you saw HELL!
Copyright © Carly Steelberg | Year Posted 2014
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Carly Steelberg Poem
BIPOLAR BIPOLAR send Carly
right OVER!
Disorders GALORE.
Wait something's different...
This diagnosis I was given is no
MORE!
He thinks I seem to have this
figured out, or this is an
amazing ACT!
Because he thinks I'm cured,
and he's never wrong.
His motives are always EXACT!
Maybe his eyes were set on the
wrong TARGET?
He thought he MARKED IT
But he was wrong.
Cuz I'm not BLEEDING!
Instead I have figured it out.
His opinion is no longer
NEEDED!
You can keep doing speed, but
your not going to get there any
FASTER.
Our love was crazy!
A beautiful DISASTER!
If I don't want to continue to
be
your slave.
Maybe I should stop calling you
my MASTER!
I do miss your passion for ME!
But I'll never miss your
rage...HONESTLY!
I was the one dumbing myself
DOWN.
No, it wasn't the other way
AROUND!
You lie to free yourself from
your truth, but that will never
work.
The truth will always rise from
the ASHES.
No matter how many
breakdowns you have or car
CRASHES.
No matter how much glass you
BREAK or scars you MAKE.
You'll always end up at the
same place!
Alone and confined, trapped in
a CELL!
With no other ears to listen to
the bull shit you TELL!
Copyright © Carly Steelberg | Year Posted 2014
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Carly Steelberg Poem
36 years OLD.
Never done what I was TOLD.
I never learned what I was
supposed to KNOW.
I'm a seed looked over, so I
don't GROW!
36 years old. I try to be who I
want, but never CAN!
They keep saying you can't get
all your needs met from your
MAN!
36 years lived.
Growing closer to DEMISE.
I am even more jaded than I
was at 35.
I can't give another 36...
not to THIS.
It must get better because this
life I wouldn't MISS
I know I have been ignorant,
but to know all this sadness
makes me feel STRANGE.
I'm trying very hard, but I need
to be given time to CHANGE.
I've made many wrong choices,
and I have no true FRIENDS
I might be happier if my past
and I could make AMENDS.
I'll keep pushing on with
intentions that are PURE.
If I'm lucky maybe I will find
love's CURE.
Copyright © Carly Steelberg | Year Posted 2014
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Carly Steelberg Poem
Loving!
I have never been so FULL.
Now I'm empty!
My heart strings you no longer PULL!
Hating!
So much RAGE!
Your love for me...
I used your violence to GAGE!
Hurting!
I'm BLEEDING!
Your demons have given you enough REASON to feel righteous in your TREASON!
Praying!
On my KNEES!
Scarred arms covered with SLEEVES!
Sinning!
Good vs EVIL!
All my attempts are made FEEBLE!
Burning!
On FIRE!
All these head games!
I have grown TIRED!
Shaking!
So AFRAID!
I have nothing left to give!
Please stop!
I want to LIVE!
Living!
Every breath I took for YOU!
Now I'm just existing!
Breathing because I'm supposed TOO!
Dying!
Every moment felt like the END!
I'm still here!
Missing my FRIEND!
Copyright © Carly Steelberg | Year Posted 2014
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