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Cecilia Rose Poem
You tell me you don't hate me but
then when I try to protect you, warn
you, you shun me.
I don't know how you say you love
someone, then turn around and
treat them the way you do.
Every promise we made, you broke.
Not once have I stopped being loyal
to you.
I don't know why I'm holding on like
I do.
I felt like an idiot and I still do after
that day I came to see you.
I don't know why you would hold me, and
tell me you love me, when I know
you really don't.
My heart is hanging by a thread, I
don't think it no longer beats the
same.
Everytime you punish me for my
mistakes, I break a little more each
day.
You were supposed to be my best
friend through thick and thin.
I don't see you the same and it
hurts in the worst way.
I'm always wishing the best for you
even when you ignore and shun me.
I don't need you to love me, I would
just like your love a lot.
Now I know what it's like to be in
your shoes when everyone except
me stopped loving you.
Through good and bad I always had
your back.
Now it's all about you. The narcissist
who has to find himself with music
and pot.
At one point he forgot about me.
While you're on this self discovery,
this freeing yourself journey could
you think please? Think of me?
One time to the girl who'd love him
even when he made her mad.
Two times for the girl that took him
back even when he cheated.
Three times for the girl who walked
away from her family for him.
No times for the girl as she sits lost
in love.
Everyday we spoke, and you're fine
coping without my voice.
Now you tell me in four months
you're sober to this love.
I know you won't respond you never
do.
You don't love me, not like I love
you.
You don't respect me, like I do you.
Don't look up to me, like I do you.
You care nothing about my feelings
you just pity me, and you're happy
with the girl I turned out to be.
You think I'm damaged goods.
One day you'll realize I was the tight
beat to that dope rhyme you kicked.
I was your backbone that always
helped you get back up again.
I was the Yin to your Yang.
Don't ever forget how much I loved
you.
Don't ever forget all the love I
brought you.
Yeah you're cold to me now, on
some I'm better than you ish.
You don't have to tell me I can feel
it.
And I'm not even mad I'm just hurt.
Not even mad, just hurt that I'm
always looking out for you.
Putting you first.
You'll never read this, you'll never
respond.
Forever, never, huh sweetheart?
Copyright © Cecilia Rose | Year Posted 2014
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Details |
Cecilia Rose Poem
I teeter and totter right on the edge
of sanity.
When these walls are painted black,
darkness becomes me.
I'm not myself, during this time I'm
climbing walls.
Hands in my hair pulling, and
scratching my scalp.
What feels good is self destruction
now.
You'll call me crazy, long to put me
in a cage and contain me.
I cannot distinguish this ache.
My mind is filled with an explosive
pain, the measure of escape is more
pain.
Hurt diminishing hurt is the only
way.
I relish in the smell of my burning
flesh.
The knife scarring my thin skin
makes the adrenaline rush.
Don't let me get into what the loss
of oxygen brings.
I know I am not sick, just sick—if it
makes any sense.
I can't scream like others when I
ache.
My voice too small, feelings though
not so much meek.
But my soul is weak.
This self harming does something
wonderful to me.
I am letting it all go for a moment,
because it doesn't fade.
It'll always stay the same.
One day I'll make brave—change
the course of my painful fate.
Until then give me lighters, and
razor blades.
Copyright © Cecilia Rose | Year Posted 2014
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Details |
Cecilia Rose Poem
I let my mind think back to a time.
A place where I can drift off, and be
free.
Laugh incessantly, heartbeats that
sound like African drums, the
clambering of the words love,
happy, trust fallin' from our lips.
I love these sweet memories, they
can taint the saddest part of me.
Back when I was free from this thing
called heart break.
Even in times of celebration I always
feel the faint ache.
The tears I cry are like acid rain.
I gotta think back to happier times
or I'll crumble.
I'll fall for the world to see, not as
strong of a girl I used to be.
I always STUMBLE.
With my head down I say that
shamefully.
There's a risk in love, a gamble you
see.
It's all smoke and mirrors until
things get real.
Realer than 5,000 soldiers standing
ready, guns drawn—ready to attack.
Can you imagine that?
I'm going through an internal war.
Battling feelings, feelings that are
just that feelings.
I wanna take these feelings and
compress them into a ball, into the
abyss they would flow.
We can't always get what we want.
I'd give anything to get that old
thing back.
Give my left arm to have me back.
She's not ever returning, she'll
never be the same.
Next time I'm being extra careful,
because if it happens again maybe
it's me to blame.
I'm tired of this pain.
So, I let my mind think back to a
time.
A place where I can drift off, and be
free.
Laugh incessantly, heartbeats that
sound like African drums, the
clambering of the words love,
happy, trust fallin' from our lips.
I love these sweet memories, they
can taint the saddest part of me.
Copyright © Cecilia Rose | Year Posted 2014
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Details |
Cecilia Rose Poem
These slender wrists are scarred,
and marred from razor blade made
cuts.
Scissors that are too dull to do
much.
Anything sharp with a point have
been on my skin, lines that are focal
points.
This is only flesh, I do not care.
If I peeled off this layer and showed
you my soul there would be
something far uglier.
This is no caterpillar turning a
cocoon.
I will not be a beautiful butterfly.
I will not sprout wings, with pretty
colorful patterns.
There is no turning back, for I am
damaged.
Nothing will change as I walk among
the dusted ground, and green
paths.
Maybe when I reach the throne and
rest my crown at his feet.
Only then I will feel pleasant in
beautiful speak.
For the path I'm on is dark, no
redemption in sight.
Try as I may I fail with all my might.
Half of me is all you see. I'm just a
shell so to speak.
I am not embarrassed, and I have
nothing to hide.
For what? You honestly think I hold
pride?
It would be for a loved ones sake
I'm meek.
But still the pain it bothers and
taunts me.
Don't tell me things will pass, and it
will get better.
For you are no God, you do not
know the future and my pain is my
own.
For I am grateful to companions
who speak with their heartfelt
tongues.
But words are just words, they
cannot fix feelings.
My ugly feelings.
I am inadequate in all that I do.
Best thing I can do is write a poem
about dying, my truth.
Copyright © Cecilia Rose | Year Posted 2014
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Details |
Cecilia Rose Poem
Some days I'm torn apart. Like the
teeth of lion, piercing a gazelle's
heart.
And I weep so much, those tears
now no longer fall. I feel like a
newborn, I'm learning how to crawl.
This love, I showered him, like rain
in a downpour. It wasn't sufficient
enough, like a nasty hurricane he
tore my love up.
I pick up the pieces of my shattered
heart, and I run behind him.
'Sweetheart, sweetheart—please
don't leave!' I have all these heart
pieces, I beg of him, love me.
I'm inadequate in his eyes you see.
I can beg like a pauper. I grovel like
a stray dog in need of food, but my
love makes me the biggest fool.
He won't take the love I have for
him back. I'm inadequate.
I bother too much, so I grow cold.
But when I blink an image of his
love being given away taunts me.
I'm appalled, and in pain, I fall to
my knees.
I'm replaceable, confused of how
can this be? I'm inadequate you see.
No he doesn't want the broken,
crumbled heart. Even if he's to
blame for my poor heart's state.
I plead and beg, I'm pathetic. Not
one single time though do I regret
it.
I wish at times life was like the
movies. In the end I'd get my guy,
we'd tape my heart up. And he'd
soothe it, no more aches.
This isn't a fable. I have no happy
end, as you can see I'm inadequate.
Copyright © Cecilia Rose | Year Posted 2014
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