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Terrence Carter Poem
i once heard:
"i slept in my uniform last night because i wanted to
win today."
this statement intrigued me and i felt in away i could
relate. when i sleep with my book in hand i'm ready to
tomorrow. when i sleep with my bible in hand i am
ready for understanding of future situations.
when i sleep with you in my heart and mind
my love for you is always.i know you have a man
and the feelings you have for him i cannot change,
but these feelings i have for you
are eternal.i've tried to ignore these feelings
but they won’t go astray. if it is wrong to feel this way
then this is a sin i'm willing to bare.
the love i have for you i cannot live without
it’s as if it is my air
WITH SAYING THIS I END THIS CONVERSATION
IN DESPIRE BECAUSE YOUR OTHER IS NOT I
AND I CANNOT BARE TO TELL YOU THIS
BECAUSE YOU ARE NO LONGER THERE.
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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Terrence Carter Poem
Nobody knows the grief in me
Nobody knows the misery I feel
Loneliness feels to be eternally destined for me
Where is that lady for me?
But I guess I’m being a bit over zealous cause I’m only 18
But being in love with
being in love
makes it difficult to wait patiently
but I haven’t truly waited cause
I’ve searched unthinkingly
So I guess it’s time to stop because
I’m looking where it seems not to exist and all just like and mistake infatuation
for love
It’s said you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone
So am I divinely appreciative of this because I’ve obviously yet to experience this
mental, emotional, physical, and most of all spiritual intimacy I so long for
Like an orphan for the love of their birth mother
Maybe it’s not a divinity personified appreciation
I think the saying is wrong
Or not so much wrong as it is incomplete
Yes it’s true when something is lost it is truly appreciated
But and seen so much and not experienced it is appreciated beyond means
So all that hear this pray
Cause if you’re going through what I’m going through you can only rely on God to
truly guide you
And please pray for me because I’m praying for you
Cause those of us who put ourselves in this land of loneliness need it
And I thank you Lord for giving me these words. Helping this lonely one to stop
searching for what is not meant to found but shall come to me when it is
suppose to
If it is suppose to
With saying this I am gaining the virtue of patience
Waiting for love to make its appointment with
Me
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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Terrence Carter Poem
SINCERE AP
I said I’m sorry or what was done
But I guess it wasn’t sincere because I’m being destroyed by the bitterness in
me.
Although I hide it with a smile, a joke, or laughter when in reality I’m continuously
in sorrow crying on the inside because I’ve cried so much my tears have become
dry and I programmed myself to make my tears go in reverse so I only cry on the
inside
Some days it’s easy to hide and some days it’s not
It’s like a cancer rapidly killing me mentally
It would be easier to be true if you didn’t give so many empty promises
If you talk to me and not at me
But I’m not occupied to judge
Just to forgive and ask for forgiveness
It’s just hard to forget
But I will stop trying to forget, so I can look out for the same thing from happening
since I was 7
A continuous cycle that has been going on
Yet I will dig deep in the black hole that I have formed with the bitterness that has
tried to consume my soul
And apologize:
For the lack of communication hiding my feeling
Excluding one of you like the brother of the prodigal son
And forgive:
For missed birthdays, your days, graduations, and communications
With saying this a ton has been lifted
Unfortunately it hasn’t been said so I maintain with the weight of this
unnecessary bitterness
Living life on the edge because tomorrow is promised to one and that one is no
me
So I’m endangered of dying in regret and without reconciliation of my
FIRST
TEACHERS
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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Terrence Carter Poem
Dogs
A predetermined since of all Blackman by women
dogs as a black man is seen as nothing more than a constant trying to get a nut
off
This stereo type continues to plague me as I try to get to know the opposite sex
As I converse telling of my virginity.
To only get non stop
You lyns
Are you serious
What are you gay or something
Making an fool out of themselves foolishly assuming that I’m only a sex craved
sperm donor walking
When in actuality I’m looking for friendship
And the intimacy I want can’t be given physically
I get to know you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and not your anatomy
So to all women
Yes there are some bad dudes out there, but there’s at least one who respects,
cherishes, and wants to only get to know you
The only relationship I’m looking for is friendship
This is the opposite of a so called dog
I am a friend out to gain nothing but your friendship
And the only way I want to pleasure is through your laughter and making smile
with my words
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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Terrence Carter Poem
I have not seen my mother in a while.
I have these dreams where she comes back.
when she comes back it feels as if I'm in a fairy tale.
It's like there can be no wrong.
It's as if God made us perfect.
All I lost I found.
The sun rose over the empty sky and made where there was a forever lasting
cold night a warm bright day.
An emotional nuclear bomb wiped out all hate. Breaking down the barriers of
insecurity to bring out the harbored bitterness stored deep inside releasing all
feelings, and there was nothing but understanding and love left.
All this happened the day she came back.
Then i woke from my dream to my nightmare, and I realized what i felt was like a
fairy tale was just that a tale.
When I woke: I could find no right, but wrong was all around.
When I woke: I was no longer in Gods world of perfection, yet I found myself in
the devils world of corruption.
When I woke: There was no sun to bring day just cold darkness in the sky of the
everlasting night.
When I woke: There were many unspoken words, bottled up feelings, and
bitterness stored deep in the middle of my soul.
Even when I was awake she came back, but she didn’t stay and every time i
waited for her when she left.
When she did come back i pleaded with her to take care of my brother and sister.
I let her know we needed her guidance, wisdom, love, and compassion.
I weep every time she leaves, but it seems she shows no sympathy toward these
needs or me because she yet keeps leaving.
I get angry so angry I feel my mother is some what of a black widow, but the
sorrow she caused me and my sister and brother. I would sometimes call her
Queen of Black Widows.
She earns this title by loving and caring for you where you can’t live without her.
When I sleep i have dreams about her. Then she leaves and you can’t stop
thinking about her. It overwhelms me so much I can’t breathe without her. It feels
as if you die inside slowly leaving nothing but sorrow so all I can do is cry.
I would go on but there’s nothing else to tell , so i wait till she comes back if she
has not died i hope she took my advice and gave her life to god so she wont go
to hell.
This is how I felt before my mom got well.
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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Terrence Carter Poem
God gave man 2 things
Freewill and many choices
From those choices the outcome of our minds, lives, and souls are determined
I pray the lord will lead me on the path of wisdom and righteousness
I pray I make the right decisions on that path
Sometimes I find mirror and resight this poem to myself
And find total contenment with me being my own audience
I let my eyes become compasses
To guide me to a better life
As a man
A good man
And not being an old boy
Who is mentally stuck in time
Acting as a child as an adult
So I end this poem to be continued because I haven’t gone down this path long
to finish poem
This path I call life
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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Terrence Carter Poem
The
Yeasterdays
of Me
I had felt defeated so long
I accepted it
And with that acceptance
I accepted all that needed to be denied
The failing
The not taking care of my responsibilities
Being ignorant of the consequences and how they affected me and others
To let others take the blame for my mistakes not seeking wisdom through those
mistakes
But trying to let others suffer the consequences for my actions
The procrastination
The putting off till tomorrow
When tomorrow is a gamble
Because tomorrow is not promised
The man who put off till tomorrow today died incompetent because he never
finished what he started today blindly thinking he had tomorrow
When today was his last day
The mediocrity
The letting barely be good enough
Hindering the unlocking of my true potential
Keeping myself ignorant of what I’ m truly capable of
The negativity
The allowing of others
Ridicule, bad habits, and falsehoods
In my surroundings
The self-pity bringing upon self-loathing bringing upon a deep depression within
me
At this time I shut my eyes from the truth
Purposely making myself ignorant of my problems because I felt convenience in
not knowing
With not knowing the need for change is not known
Yet the need is still there
But as life goes on people grow
As I did
And through growth the acceptance of that bitter taste of defeat slowly began
fading away with a sweet taste being victorious
I end this to be continued
Because I have yet to do all that is needed to be done
And this poem shall go on till it is all done
But since no more has been done I can go no further
Just reminisce on my yesterdays so they won’t happen today....
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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Terrence Carter Poem
this is about not a girl
but a woman
a mother
a mother with an addiction
an addiction that took her away
with her gone the system came in and left
but left with my siblings
who's to blame
is it!
a negligent brother with harbored feelings toward his mother for abandonment
for loving a drug more than her child
is it!
an addicted mother with only the pursuit to get that next fix
i feel that both had apart
the brother for not trying harder to conclude& resolve the situation
the mother for making the situation
and the consequence
is today
3 years 9 months 18 days
since i last seen Tamara who was growing & learning so fast
she was 3 last i saw
Tyron so small so innocent it was if i looked at my baby picture when i looked at
him
when i saw him he was 3 months last i saw him
yet the search goes on
for the reuniting of my family
for the restoration of the relationship between a brother and his younger siblings
between a mother and the rehabilitation of her purity, sanity, and salvation
the this search ends is the day of my great throne judgment
until then
THE SEARCH GOES ON
THIS WAS WRIITTEN AUGUST 8, 2005 IT IS MOTIVATED FROM MY URGING TO
SEE MY BROTHER&SISTER
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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Terrence Carter Poem
(original version)
this is what i have seen in my 16
as i look at myself, i saw the instrument i was using to
do so, and i saw anger. i continued to look, and i look
deep and wonder the where, the why, what could
bring such an anger within me. as i continue to look, i
ponder what it is i was wondering, and i think to
myself(haven’t gone through any thing the next
person hasn't been through, yet it's not what i've been
through, but what i've seen). these things that i have
seen, and i continued to look and think. as i think i
picture the things i've seen the lies that have been
spoken, the wiping out of nations by disease,
starvation, the corruption of young minds by the
bringing of yesterdays irrelevance today so we will not
look to tomorrow. these things i see the corruption, the
starving, the poverty, the difficulties of immigration to
the land of the proud and free yet this proud land is
very costly. what's the bill 400 years of slavery, 600
years of open discrimination who has paid every
race except none wanting of change caucasian.
a land so proud when in reality has no
integrity.
a nation the give a month to celebrate 4,000,000 years of accomplishments, but
only recognizes the accomplishments made after slavery.
showing only 400 years of the4, 000,000 years of history
my eye of anger began to weep in sorrow from this realization.
i turned from the mirror and toward a book of knowledge.
i saw not what be if the world but what the world could be.
a world where the tree of knowledge didn't exist
a world without a war within the world
a world without war of races
a world without war of religions
a world were everyone has nature
Copyright © Terrence Carter | Year Posted 2006
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