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Regina Vasquez Poem
My Mind whats it doing?....where is trying to go? A once safe haven only i could control. What happen to me i feel like im falling so deep into a lonely darkness. thats now in my mind i recognize it its not my first time. confused and lost its just me again. feeled with anger and sadness its already consumed. i come here often .sometimes you know whats going on and most of the time I linger away its quiter there not much to say. quick flashes of images come out just for a second not long enough to figure it all out...I see u when I go to that place...i smile and wave it gave me comfort just to see your face..sometimes the flashes are really hard to take...whats it all mean i try to think to myself... maybe in my mind this is really how it is not a mistake. it feels like something pulling on me to go that way so i let go a lil cause my mind needs to go the other way ...conversations are heard i dont really know why...i..hardly remember cant seem to reach out to my own mind...slowly im slipping and leaving my family behind...im sorry for all this pain and disappointment i might have to leave behind...i cant even understand it...so i just cry...when i wants to it can have thoughts and worries all night...than there is the times when not a single thing will cross my mind....i know i have to let u go...its so hard i cant let go...but it seems like i have to try to save whats left of my mind...i erase the thought quickly you are my sanity without you my life went blank...thats why my mind is doing the same...too broken and weak no use in trying..cause i noticed today my heart stopped trying..and now. it looks like im comfy like i once had been...and u here with me. im happy again....but wait i hear my daughters voices...mommy come back...but i dont want to. i cant, but tears start to fill my eyes...how could i just leave them behind...i feel a sudden rush of love pass by me....and i know it was him making sure i made it back safe where i belong where ive always been..its that close sometimes where we cant take it all in and our mind will takes away but its not coming back, at least not the same way ...and if it does its probably gonna wander off again ...just remember to tell your loved ones just in case...im sorry this happened...i will love you no matter what...but please remeber me the way i was before, not this way when my mind decided to give up. ..i will hate myself for this forever for doing this to all of you..but its not giving me a choice it happens so fast and if i cant come back..dont feel bad..its not your fault i couldnt fight back...i will struggle till the end....just know i love you all and eventually i will return back to you again
Copyright © Regina Vasquez | Year Posted 2013
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Regina Vasquez Poem
I fell, I fell hard...when i lost you..I cant catch my breath like i used too. Lost and confused, angry that you left. It wasn't your choice, I understand that. I didn't only lose you that dreadful day i also lost myself, my mind and my entire life cause it hasn't been the same. you loved me unconditionally how do i function without that now. My body still here but I'm dead inside from all the pain and sorrow i feel cause i will never see you or talk to you again. My mind likes to wonder now all on its on it's scary sometimes..I'm worried everyone will leave me all alone. I think of you alot, and smile cause you always made me laugh..I cant stand it..its not right...i feel like where in a dream all the time. You were the best grandfather, wasn't fair how you suffered up to your very last breath..you held on so long day after day cause u couldn't stand how you had to leave us that day. I remember talking to you and you would try to tell me something back..don't worry i know what is was I love you but i have to leave you i need u to know i will be watching you don't let yourself go....I know i told you its okay for you to go,,,but I'm sorry grandpa i lied,,,, I didn't want you to leave me i still needed you around, call me selfish I don't care, you belong here with me not away so far. I cant accept it or handle it the way I should cause my mind and my heart stopped doing thier work. everyone tells me snap out of it, act right, but i cant I don't know how i lost the one who guided me through life...I feel like a burden, all needy, like I'm in the way..so why do i stay? I need you to tell me that your okay...cause i cant move on like this i just cant, there is no way.
Copyright © Regina Vasquez | Year Posted 2013
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Regina Vasquez Poem
I can say I have a regret that cant be
undone
the day I stopped living my own life
and became
a character in someone elses tainted
world, just a sad litttle role im so
sorry i just didnt know..
just an innocent naive girl..I would
never be the same ever
again..I could only remember who I
once had been..I did it for
love I did for spite whatever it was it
still couldnt make it right.life of
struggles filled with so much
pain..tears of despair filled my eyes
like
I never knew and they would
remain everyday ..such a fool...i
tried many times to turn back...and
failed..is this my life now
I just didnt want this..but who
knew...I died that day...and no one
had a clue..
It took my kind heart and made it
dark and mean...now my daughters
will have
to grow up with what this cold world
did to me...I regret it but I have
learned to adapt in it..doesnt
matter what I want my life to be..
this is it..no one chose this but me.
stand proud..It was my choice..gotta
stay solid. i laugh now.. really thats
what matters ..cmon grow up
now..so much more out there...trust
me.. i once lived it..of course not
now.. I stood for something before
now i stand for ...nothing..I didnt
know..to be in this strange
world..where i would lose myself
and everything i was meant to be.
maybe a nightmare...not so lucky im
wide awake..this is me . childish
foolish things that make no sense in
my mind at all..its waste of a life. i
tell myself just sit back now...and
just endure...many years left..its not
ready to let you go..not even close
who do you think you are..
Too much unecessary lies..followed
with emotional madness...Was it
worth it..not
even a little bit...If I could of just
been strong...and remembered how
much I was a
descent person..in my little boring
life...I would be on top of the world
instead of running
from it like a scared little soul, cant
even think right..nope.. not no
more. its not your mind anymore ..u
have no rights stop trying its useless
by now .I end this with a little piece
of me....Never change yourself to fit
in...and be somewhere you are not
meant to be...cause trust me...I lived
it .. i would rather have my sanity....
Copyright © Regina Vasquez | Year Posted 2013
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Regina Vasquez Poem
I numb myself everyday and night. I struggle to stay alive.. Drugs will numb me, alcohol will follow, mixed together it helps. Ease the sorrow, mistakes I make everyday. I want to be me before my life was changed. My mind is gone, I want to remember how my life was before, can't understand why I'm so low. Hate In my heart love is no where near, what do I do? Do i Keep moving on? Maybe it's up to me. I'm shut off to the world and the people all around, if they can only see I'm good inside its just a bad time for me right now. Look deeper inside my eyes and maybe you will realize I'm crying inside its hard for me to reach out. Life has been hard and I can barely stay awake but my mind keeps going and going its a nightmare for me but I'm wide awake.
Copyright © Regina Vasquez | Year Posted 2014
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Regina Vasquez Poem
I numb myself everyday and night. I struggle to stay alive.. Drugs will numb me, alcohol will follow, mixed together it helps. Ease the sorrow, mistakes I make everyday. I want to be me before my life was changed. My mind is gone, I want to remember how my life was before, can't understand why I'm so low. Hate In my heart love is no where near, what do I do? Do i Keep moving on? Maybe it's up to me. I'm shut off to the world and the people all around, if they can only see I'm good inside its just a bad time for me right now. Look deeper inside my eyes and maybe you will realize I'm crying inside its hard for me to reach out. Life has been hard and I can barely stay awake but my mind keeps going and going its a nightmare for me but I'm wide awake.
Copyright © Regina Vasquez | Year Posted 2014
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Regina Vasquez Poem
Weakness is part to blame.
I was vulnerable ...it let u in.
You don't deserve to be part of me.
You lie and have no respect.
My mind again in choas..not
needed..I can't focus..just great.
Trust..there was some..now it all
comes down to none.
I ask why, I don't understand ..is it
me? or is it you in the wrong?
Question myself ..so unfair..I'm
going thru a lot, spare me all this.
I try to let go, don't know why i let
this go on..scared if I let u go..its all
so cruel..I'm about to fall.
I care, but you don't, why you stay if
you see I can't take it all.
Is it all a game..cause I know I will
lose.
let me go..since I dont matter to
you..you be strong and it will
eventually release me..its hard for
me just to let go.
Copyright © Regina Vasquez | Year Posted 2013
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