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Emily Ann Poem
If thoughts were physical
If how much I thought of you
Was how much you thought of me
Was how close we were to each other
Then I would fall asleep
Every night
In your arms
Our souls intertwined
So intricately
No force imaginable
Could ever snap the thread
But that is to say
If I much I thought of you
Was how much you thought of me
If
Just if
Because I know
It’s not
So if thoughts were physical
I would be attached
To you
And you wouldn’t have a single
Red
Thread
Connecting
You
to me
I would sleep in a blanket of red string
And you would sleep bare
Or maybe in the strings
Of another
If how much she thought of you
Was how much I thought of you
she’d be smothered by red
She would trip in it
She would drown in it
She would dance whilst entangled
Red ribbon wrapping over her body
Gracefully
Maddeningly
Mummified by red
But she can’t think of you
As much as I think of you
Because no one else
Would be insane enough
To let you pull them along
Inch by inch
Just so I could get closer to you
I didn’t realize the string wasn’t attached to you
Like it was to me
You were just pulling it
And cascading it back and forth
Rainstorms of falling red ribbon
Follow me
You teased
Trust me
Trust Fate
Life has a plan
Fate has a plan
And it’s at the end of this string
waiting for you
waiting for us
Fate always has
Something for us to gain
From every situation
Tell me then
What was the plan
When you dropped the string
When you had lured me into a swirling vortex of red flames
Was that Fate?
Was that the plan?
Tell me Fate
What was to gain
When I watched him smile
And drop the thread
When I watched him turn around
And march away
Proud
Cackling
Grinning that I believed that my strings
Were attached
To his
Hungrily, I pulled harder on the thread
Chasing farther down it
Yanking handfuls behind me
Pleading to see that this wasn’t the end
That there WAS something better for me
That my fate wouldn’t be to forever chase him
And as I kept pulling
It kept dragging me closer to him
Every turn he’d make
the ribbon would leap towards him
Every pace he advanced
The thread would veer near him
Even though
He wasn’t pulling it
I kept hoping that it would turn
Last second
That right when I thought it would be him
I would notice a snag in the string
And watch it lead me away
From him
But it never did
Maybe I’m just pulling
An endless bobbin
Of red thread
If thoughts were physical
I would be hanging
By a red string
And you would’ve tied the knot
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
There are parts of my life
I forgot I put you in
Like the little flower
That sits a top my mirror
It was right before a show
And you ran after me
In your costume
Holding a single
White
Flower
There are other parts too
Parts that became so ordinary
That I forgot they were once
New
my wallpaper
Pictures of you
Or your name in my phone
With an extra sparkle
Or the way I drive to school
Going straight on man o war
One hand always
Holding yours
Always
And i know we said “for now”
But how much of you do I remove
For a for now
I like the flower a top my mirror
And the necklace a top my breasts
That necklace that once felt like a collar
I hadn’t realized how much I held it during the day
Any ounce of uncertainty
My hand wandered to my collarbone
A moment to think
My hands wandered to my neck
A smile
My hands clung to the charm
I hadn’t realized
You stopped me
pulling at my eyelashes
Or picking my skin
Because I always had one hand on the necklace
And the other in yours
There are little parts of my life
I forgot you showed me
I shake when I become overwhelmed with emotion
And i can’t ever find a place to put my hands
Until you gently fold them
In yours
I shook a lot with you
Tears
Laughter
Fear
Lust
Heartache
I forgot you showed me
How strong I could still feel
When I thought I lost that ability
How much of that do I loose in this “for now”
The only problem with us was that I felt
Far too much
That the shaking became uncontrollable
And it wasn’t because of laughter anymore
I forgot how you fit into my view of myself
Every outfit and appearance subtly lined with
“I hope I look pretty enough”
A part of my life I thought I had put
In the past
But I guess that was just a good bye for now as well
And there are still parts of my life
I forgot I put you in
I can’t recall the last time
I slept without your hoodie
But I recall taking it off this morning
And feeling hollow in way
That would not be filled for a long time
For now I will continue finding parts of my life
That serve as a reminder of us
And I will continue to be frozen in indecision
On what to do with them
Because I can’t hold on to them
But I can’t let them go
Perhaps I will find a bag
Place everything inside
And write “for now” on it
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
I remind myself
It’s not my job
To make my text
Easy to respond to
I don’t need to ask a question
Or wonder if my statement is enough
To warrant a response beyond
“Yeah”
I remind myself
It’s not my job
To teach you how to love
To show you that commitment
Doesn’t mean
Confinement
You saw me as a cell you placed yourself in
You turned yourself in and expected me
To lock the door
But when I left the keys in the lock
And told you to do whatever you want
You abused freedom as if
You didn’t turn yourself in
You ran like you had never run before
And pushed every single boundary
Because I never demanded better
You wanted confinement
because that is how you see love
A girlfriend
A woman should be a burden
Conveniently, we were both raised to think that way
Maybe that’s why we fit so well
As a woman, I needed to be easy
Easy to talk to
Easy to placate
Easy on the eyes
And it felt like a self fulfilling prophecy
The boy who didn’t know how to love
And the girl who tried to be the perfect lover
You wanted me on your arm
On your lap
At your convenience
And to disappear when something better came along
And I wanted to be easy
I only wanted to be easy because I knew
I knew you wouldn’t think it was worth it if I wasn’t
This does not come from a place of self deprecation
I know very well what I deserve
But it comes from a place of unfortunate understanding
Of how you see me
A love so shallow cannot hold a woman so deep
I became water
Willingly
Because I didn’t care if it wasn’t right
I wanted you to love me
And I am perfectly worthy of love exactly the way that I am
But I know you
And I know I would be too much effort
I remind myself
It’s not my job to teach you
How to love me
As I am
But god, I wish you did
And I know you do
And maybe that’s why I love you
Because you love me in a way I have never been loved before
Certainly not in a good way
But in a new way
I remind myself
It isn’t healthy
But god
When you pull me into a kiss
And whisper “I love you”
My body aches in a way that feels like an addiction
I remind myself
That addictions kill
But god
When you’re smiling at me
The pain melts away
Under the blissful high
Of a hundred useless reminders
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
I hesitate
When I reach for the knob
Unsure what percentage to leave the door at
All the way open
Is far too dangerous
Constantly at risk
Of intrusion
Constantly in danger
Of walking out
All the way closed
Is far too hopeful
I know it’s what’s safest
To be completely alone
But I can’t bring myself to do it
It seems far too harsh
To slam a door with no explanation
But that isn’t quite right
Because I always explain
Before my hand ever reached for the knob
I was explaining why
I thought about it in the first place
But it shatters me
Thinking about you
Sitting outside my closed door
Knocking to be let in
I halfway believe you wouldn’t bother to knock
And I halfway believe you would wail until I let you in
So I sit somewhere in halfway
You sit somewhere in the middle
Alone
But alone together
I wish I could close the door behind you
Find a way to trap you in
But I don’t think my heart could handle
You banging on the door from the inside
To be let out
Because you seem to love windows
Even when the door is completely open
When you’re free to come and go
You
Love to climb through a window
And if that’s what you did
When the door was open
What would you do
If I trapped you within
Would you look for a window?
Make a hole in the wall?
Or would you just sit with me
Not looking for a way out
That’s what I fantasize about
As I reach for the knob
Realizing I never answered my question
How open do I leave the door?
Someone else yanks the door
From the other side
The cold knob ejects from my hand
Sitting shut across from me
It seems I waited too long
Let all the heat out
And let a icy draft in
And the choice was made for me.
a window opens
I thought it was closed
But there you are
Back in my room
Door closed
Window open
I realized I didn’t have the key
To lock either
Because it was hidden between your lips
And I seem to have forgotten it there
The last time we kissed
I can’t seem to retrieve it though
you were halfway out the door again
When your lips met mine
Never long enough for me to take it back
Or perhaps it was long enough
But I forgot completely about the key
When you kissed me
On your way out the door
Does it matter how open the door is
If it’s always unlocked
Does it matter if it’s locked
If you hold the key
To every door
To every window
Is my boundary imaginary
Even so
How open should I leave it
Enough to appear as though we’ve moved on
But enough to know your intrusion is always welcome
And maybe some day
You’ll use the key
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
I dont remember much
Of the actual
Incident
I don’t remember what parts
I lied about
Because I did lie about some
To make it sound worse
Because it hurt so bad
That I needed to make it worse
To justify
My reaction
Driving home
Not only crying
Screaming
I wonder if that’s when it happened
when I lost control over my body-
lost the desire to be apart of it,
lost feeling possessive over it
It was not mine
And it had not been for a long time
Now it simply seems
That consent
Is a box on a checklist
I will always say “sure”
“I don’t care”
“Do whatever you want”
“I don’t care”
Maybe it was all those friends
And that religious indoctrination
To never say no
And then the one time I did
It was not listened to
You never say no
Because it ruins the illusion of choice
When you say no
And it is not listened to
You realize how little choice
You have in your own life
It’s oddly freeing
Like understanding that time is a construct
That it doesn’t hurt anyone to get rained on
Or to get a little turned around
Suddenly free from the anxiety
The rain isn’t so bad
It will rain anyways
Why plan your life avoiding it
I don’t care if the rain runs atop my body
Or if hands atop my skin
It is not mine to care about
Free from care
Free from possession
I let the rain drown me
Caring would not prevent it from happening
Simply it would minimize the aftermath
Why change out of wet clothes
When it’s eventually going to rain again
I don’t remember much of that night
But I remember many nights after
Feeling okay
But my body betrays me with its shaking
Shaking
Shaking
Laugh it off and continue
Shaking
Shaking
Shaking
He doesn’t care
He’s free from morality
Because he only cares about me
In the sense
That I’m crumpled arcade tickets
He can cash in at any time
For anything
He’s free from morality
Because I am not a person
Morals do not apply to possessions
Perhaps it’s deep misogyny
But I fear a bit of me liked being a possession
Though, it become nearly impossible
to tell the difference
Between liking being objectified
Or being accustomed to it
It takes the pressure off of a relationship
Because we aren’t in love
You cash me in
And I dance in the rain
Not really wanting to get wet
But knowing it will happen anyways
May as well dance
I dance to the pain
The pain of being aware enough
Knowing exactly what’s happening
But
Indifferent enough
not to stop it
Suddenly it’s night again
He slams his tickets on the counter
And I feel it start to rain
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
“Okay”
“Explain to me
what it is
about Him”
Her mouth opens
Before it clamps shut
Her eyes light up
Before they crush
“was it his smile
How his mannerisms
We’re so familiar
That they felt like home?”
She shook her head
saying there was nothing special
about him
That she dreamed to own
“What is it then?
Please explain.
Because I’m confused
Why you would fight though the pain
She hesitated
Not shaking her head
She knew the answer
You don’t love with your brain.
You love with your heart
She cried
You love with the shaking in your hands
And the tears in your eyes
You love the endorphins
That come
from riding the high
And crashing into the depths
Of late night panic attacks
Texts that didn’t get returned back
And cries that echoed from a revolving goodbye
You love with your heart
She pleaded
Trying to convince me
That’s what he needed
Trying to convince herself
That she had succeeded
In doing what was right
For what proceeded
She said
you can’t stop your heart
From loving
She explained
No matter how hard
It tries your brain
Cannot lock it up
Cannot shut it down
Cause I locked the doors
But keys you found
I took the keys
But you came back
Because truthfully
The lock had a crack
If my heart were superman
You would be kryptonite
If my heart were an addict
You would be heroin in its height
It my heart were a drunk
You would drive me home at night
Walking me inside
Not letting me out of sight
So I would be safe
For you to hurt
Next twilight
She cried
I think that’s why
This point
was so hard for me
To get to
I can’t fix a problem
I can’t think through
I don’t know how to process pain
When my brain can’t find a way
To rationalize the suffocating days
When you couldn’t bare to look my way
I think those cries
Are the reason
I’m having such a hard time
Because when day turns to night
I’m still trying to understand why
Why I feel this way
It’s because I over explain
Trying to force words
Canning every lie
You couldn’t have just loved me
Just to say goodbye
Everything needs a reason
A plan
A purpose
For it not to be worthless
And you can’t be worthless
You can’t have just been a fluke
You were my world
Maybe that was part of the problem too
You don’t love with your brain
Because on all accounts
I shouldn’t love you
But here we are
And I do
I love you
Like I was bubbly
And you were champagne
Like I was an addict
And you were cocaine
Like I was a lover
And you were mundane
I shouldn’t love you
But You don’t love with your brain
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
I took my hand
out of my cast
just
to hold you
I bled myself dry
splitting every vein
just
to nurse you
My love
into distain
Devotion
into pain
Resentment furrows
and blows
but hatred
never grows
how could a mother
hate her child?
Why would an angel
cut its wings?
How did I see so much potential
In a fallen cherub from the sky
I just wanted you to fly
but you cut your wings
So you could merely cry
I wanted to coddle every fall
but the castle you built
was just too tall
castle-
never a home,
built on the brittleness of
your mothers bone.
your wings-
a pile of feather.
I watched the scar
turn into leather
your suffering
made you split-
like a devil and angel kiss
your cruelty-
a childish endeavor,
for the child
cannot break
his mother
loving you
like stone
every crack
reminding you
of home.
The heavens
wailing your name
though I tried,
you remain
untamed
I only wanted
to teach you
that love
doesn’t equate pain
Foolish,
trying to heal
a fallen cherub
who cut its wings
In vain.
you defy
the cries of heaven
because you hate
your mother from Hell.
you refuse
to tend your wounds
so your earthly mother
must help
I kiss the cuts
self induced
and ignore
the warning bells
reminding myself
you’re but a child
who fought
until you fell
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
I painted a car the other day
A car on fire
I painted it with yellow
Which hurt
even when we were burning alive
I was still drawn in by the light
The car was our space
I always hated giving people rides
But I suddenly found myself asking
if I could take you home
If I would be allowed
To go out of my way
To spend time with you
I always hated giving rides
But my car feels empty without you in my passenger seat
Hard things happened in that car
But that car is also laced with every I love you
Every drop off was followed by an
I love you
A contortionist hug over the console
And two kisses because one just wasn’t enough
I knew it was ending though
Things felt like they were on fire
We sat in that car on fire for a long time
Both burning
Neither strong enough to leave its warmth and light
Even when it was killing us
“We have to”
In that car
“We need to”
In that car
“I’m not going to let you let me keep hurting you”
In that car
“I don’t want it to end”
A moment of silence
Between sobs
A nod in the car
As you stared into my eyes
A nod at what needed to be done
I shook my head no
Squeezing your hand three times
Sobbing as you squeezed in back in a pattern of three
In that car
not one ounce of my car was untouched by you
our mini golf cards are still stuck in the seat
And the cufflets from prom
Are still on my dashboard
You always left something in my car
Something to return
I know it wasn’t on purpose
But a little part of me would smile
Seeing your Chromebook on my seat
Knowing that you were so confident
That you would be back in my car
Sooner than you would need it
That you would be seeing me sooner than you would need whatever you had left
I liked that
It felt stable
Trusting
I wonder if my car will miss you in the passenger seat
I can’t recall the last time someone sat there
Besides you
I hate giving people rides
But it was never about that with you
It was the “we can do one more lap”
And “oh shoot I left my headphones in your car”
“Can I grab them next time?”
Our car has been on fire for a long time
Maybe it always has been
It’s reeked of gasoline
And your cologne when you left it after prom
But when I painted it in a state of frustration
I dipped into the yellow
Far more than I dipped into the red
Because even when burning alive
I thought your light was captivating
I painted a car on fire
But it wasn’t our car
Because our car is still in my driveway
And for once
You haven’t left anything
At the same time
You’ve left everything
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
I have this inane hope
This firm belief
Implanted so firmly in my head
That my subconscious writes stories about it
And shows them to me
When I do not have the domain
To tell if not to
The moment I escape
Or rather
I enter
It’s there
Excited to show me
The story it made today
“It’s not good enough
Unless it makes her ache
When she wakes up
Remind her what she thinks
Remind her
That we control her
She cannot control us”
“Not that she is too weak
Or that it is impossible
But because she cannot convince herself
That she wants to
That’s why we are here
Because she still wants us too
We need to remind her
That she wants us to write
About him”
I don’t
I don’t want him
I don’t want the performances
I’m throwing roses at the stage
In hopes the thorns hit
And draw blood
Cause I have been bleeding
I have been slick with crimson
I can’t stand or I slip
I wipe it but it pours
Out of each and every pore
As if i am Christ
Waterfalls of red
Seeping from my body
I want you to know
How it feels
I know you’re bleeding too
But it’s different
Your cutting yourself
Willingly
And I am bleeding
out of my control
Always having to say no
Is easier than always having to beg
Even when you don’t want to beg
Even when you don’t want to say no
I believe you want to say yes
I know you think you cant
But I have this inane hope
That one day
You will
You’ll kiss my bleeding pores
And bandage my body
Until my veins run dry
And I have nothing left to give
Except my utter devotion
To you
I’ll clean your self induced cuts
And heal any others that escaped my knowledge
Until eventually
We are whole enough
To hold each other
God
I just want to hold you
“Remind her
How she loves his eyes
How she loves his laugh
How she loves his mannerisms
His voice
His hair
His soul
How she thinks she is mentally sick
Because she cannot convince herself
That she doesn’t love him
Remind her
That she loves him”
I don’t
But I have this inane hope
This stupid belief
That you do too
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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Emily Ann Poem
I used to fear
Loosing myself so bad
That I lost the ability to fall in love
What could love possibly give me
That I haven’t already given myself
Dependence on someone else
Felt weak
I craved so badly
To be self sufficient
That I eventually became it
Yet you walked in
And I wrapped myself neatly in a bow
And handed myself over to you
I tied the knot over my mouth
And placed me haphazardly in your hands
God your hands
I remember being infatuated with them
I say that as if I’m not anymore
But i remember being shocked by them
Hands so big that my fingers hurt
When we interlocked digits
That pain grew into familiarity
A soreness after we parted
Paired with the sobs in my chest
I don’t know why I cry when I drop you off
Or at random stoplights
I don’t think it was your absence
But rather your presence
That led to such outbursts
Like a child demanding attention
Only to be ignored in defiance
But I never screamed or begged
for your attention
I never even asked
I just hope you would give it to me
And cried when you did not
Like a child who grew up on eggshells
I was painfully adept at reading your energy
Maybe that’s why I cried
You never did anything wrong
But it was how you felt about me
that left a hollow echo of paranoia
Because you don’t see the suffering
You assume it isn’t there
Because you are so loud with yours
You cannot possibly imagine how I could be so quiet with mine
But like a child
Who grew up “too much”
I instilled the belief
That suffering must happen silently
Not all suffering
Just mine
I used to fear loosing myself so badly
Because I knew when I did
I would find a child
Sitting on her shaking hands
And telling her mommy
I’m sorry for making you upset
I’m sorry for needing you
I hated dependency
Because it felt childish
Yet I fell down at your feet
Like a child to their parent
The one who provides love
Also forced pain
But like a child
Who’s brain was too new to love
I conflated the two
Because you hurt me
You love me
And if you are not hurting me
You do not love me
Like a child on Christmas
You opened me up excitedly
Tearing away at the paper
And unraveling the bow
I came apart in your hands
And like a child who grew accustomed to disappointment
You thanked me
It was the thought that counted
And then threw me in the corner
Collecting dust
Until I threw myself away
Because like a child
I couldn’t handle that you didn’t need me
Copyright © Emily Ann | Year Posted 2026
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