Emily Ann Poet Free verse

Parts of my Life for Now

There are parts of my life
I forgot I put you in
Like the little flower
That sits a top my mirror

It was right before a show 
And you ran after me 
In your costume
Holding a single
White
Flower

There are other parts too
Parts that became so ordinary 
That I forgot they were once
New

 my wallpaper
Pictures of you 
Or your name in my phone
With an extra sparkle 
Or the way I drive to school
Going straight on man o war
One hand always 
Holding yours 
Always

And i know we said “for now”
But how much of you do I remove
For a for now
I like the flower a top my mirror
And the necklace a top my breasts
That necklace that once felt like a collar
I hadn’t realized how much I held it during the day

Any ounce of uncertainty 
My hand wandered to my collarbone
A moment to think
My hands wandered to my neck
A smile
My hands clung to the charm
I hadn’t realized 
You stopped me 
pulling at my eyelashes
Or picking my skin
Because I always had one hand on the necklace
And the other in yours

There are little parts of my life
I forgot you showed me
I shake when I become overwhelmed with emotion
And i can’t ever find a place to put my hands
Until you gently fold them 
In yours

I shook a lot with you
Tears
Laughter
Fear
Lust 
Heartache
I forgot you showed me
How strong I could still feel
When I thought I lost that ability 

How much of that do I loose in this “for now”
The only problem with us was that I felt
Far too much
That the shaking became uncontrollable
And it wasn’t because of laughter anymore 

I forgot how you fit into my view of myself
Every outfit and appearance subtly lined with 
“I hope I look pretty enough” 
A part of my life I thought I had put 
In the past
But I guess that was just a good bye for now as well

And there are still parts of my life 
I forgot I put you in
I can’t recall the last time
I slept without your hoodie
But I recall taking it off this morning
And feeling hollow in way
That would not be filled for a long time

For now I will continue finding parts of my life
That serve as a reminder of us
And I will continue to be frozen in indecision
On what to do with them
Because I can’t hold on to them 
But I can’t let them go

Perhaps I will find a bag
Place everything inside
And write “for now” on it

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