Emily Ann Poet Free verse

Inane

I have this inane hope
This firm belief
Implanted so firmly in my head
That my subconscious writes stories about it
And shows them to me
When I do not have the domain
To tell if not to

The moment I escape
Or rather 
I enter
It’s there
Excited to show me 
The story it made today

“It’s not good enough
Unless it makes her ache
When she wakes up
Remind her what she thinks
Remind her
That we control her
She cannot control us”

“Not that she is too weak
Or that it is impossible
But because she cannot convince herself
That she wants to
That’s why we are here
Because she still wants us too
We need to remind her
That she wants us to write
About him”

I don’t
I don’t want him
I don’t want the performances
I’m throwing roses at the stage
In hopes the thorns hit
And draw blood

Cause I have been bleeding
I have been slick with crimson 
I can’t stand or I slip
I wipe it but it pours
Out of each and every pore
As if i am Christ 
Waterfalls of red
Seeping from my body

I want you to know
How it feels
I know you’re bleeding too
But it’s different
Your cutting yourself
Willingly
And I am bleeding 
out of my control 

Always having to say no
Is easier than always having to beg
Even when you don’t want to beg
Even when you don’t want to say no
I believe you want to say yes 
I know you think you cant

But I have this inane hope
That one day
You will
You’ll kiss my bleeding pores
And bandage my body
Until my veins run dry
And I have nothing left to give
Except my utter devotion
To you

I’ll clean your self induced cuts
And heal any others that escaped my knowledge
Until eventually 
We are whole enough
To hold each other 
God
I just want to hold you

“Remind her
How she loves his eyes
How she loves his laugh
How she loves his mannerisms
His voice
His hair
His soul
How she thinks she is mentally sick
Because she cannot convince herself 
That she doesn’t love him
Remind her
That she loves him”

I don’t
But I have this inane hope
This stupid belief
That you do too

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