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Alonnah G. Poem
Why is the heart so confusing
You’ve been told it’s wrong
You know it’s wrong
But you crave for them more
Not even physically
Just their presence is more than enough
You give until you’re drained
Wondering why you don’t receive as much
You care so much
Why isn’t it the same
You want people to feel loved and cared for
But it seems obsessive to them
You find yourself no longer capable of understanding
Where it is you always go wrong
All you want is for people to love you as much as you love them
You feel as if you overdo it
You’re not even trying to
You just want them to feel understood
Every emotion they’re feeling and the circumstances they have you consider in intense detail
But it feels as if they force themselves to care for you
They swear it’s not the truth
But you find them going several days without even speaking to you
You have to initiate everything
When you spent time together it was because you asked
And when you don't ask, they don't notice
They don't realize why you went quiet
And when they ask if you're okay, if they ever do, you can't tell them how you really feel
You can tell them the situation
That's expected
But emotions?
Seem too much to handle
So you say you're fine
And you do whatever it takes to keep it that way.
Yet you let it build up inside
And when the attacks come
You suffer through it on your own
Because youre to scared to burden anyone with the mess you are
So when youre in tears
You don't tell them anymore
Not like you used to as a kid
Cuz then, you just wanted the attention
Wanted a omebody to notice
But now it has nothing to do with that
You don't want people to see how broken you are
How you fight to not cover up everything with a lie
Because they beg you not to
Yet you feel even worse wondering why they act like they care but seem so distant when you need them most
Or its just you over thinking two days of silence
Taking it as them not caring
When really they're just busy
But you make time for them
So why can't they make time for you?
But here you are overthinking again because they've come through at your lowest times
Yet you wonder why you feel so detached from them
Why it feel like you're always fighting to get their attention
They only ask when you ask
Only talk when you start
What if you just stopped caring?
What if you just stopped asking?
What if you just stopped speaking?
You don't want to stop existing
But what if she was right?
What if it doesn't matter if you did?
Copyright © Alonnah G. | Year Posted 2025
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Details |
Alonnah G. Poem
Your smile does something to me
Your laugh makes my head spin
How you’re so patient
And I don’t have to say a thing
Even though I’m always overthinking
How your opinion alone is reassuring
And your presence,
though it may not be physical,
grants me peace that I’ve never experienced with an earthly man
Love sometimes is beyond confusing
When you’re not ready for conflicting emotions
When you don’t want it because you don’t know if you can trust again
You haven’t grown enough for it, maturity hasn’t caught up with you
Yet it still appears from nowhere
Consuming every thought you could have
With fantasies that you fear will never exist
With stomach twisting butterflies from the little things he does
And you allowed yourself to fall off the side of a cliff for him
The cliff- the stable, comfortable ground
But the falling- the risky, nothing is guaranteed, falling into oblivion, but it’s comforting still for some reason
I don’t crave you just purely for physical desire
You make me feel safe when your arms are wrapped around me
But I get too nervous to ever say that out loud
I crave the emotional connection
The fact that you care
And sometimes I have to ignore it to not fall harder…
Just the thought of you caring is enough to make my knees weak
Maybe because I wouldn’t have fallen for you
I’ve had thought you wouldn’t protect me,
Love me, care for me, understand me, be honest with me, cherish me, and pray for me
I wouldn’t have let myself fall
Or so I’ve told myself
But four years is a long time to think about one single person
The whole time it’s been just you on my mind
I don’t know what God means by it
I don’t know why God brought you into my life
But I’ll cherish you, even if it’s just in my heart, until the day I die
I’ll wait for you as He tells me too
In hopes one day it’ll be just you and me
Though I’m not perfect
I feel like just you were made for me
Copyright © Alonnah G. | Year Posted 2025
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