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David Kidd Poem
Mum said "birds of a feather flock together"
so I searched for a man who liked similar weather
until Dad stressed "opposites attract"
and I tried to determine just what I lacked
"Small packages", Mum said, "held the best things"
so I looked for a humble guy with diamond rings
until Dad said I should find a real go-getter
because it's a fact "the bigger the better"
When I fancied a guy from amongst the herds
Mum said "action speaks louder than words"
but Dad said this advice should be ignored
because "the pen is mightier than the sword"
Mum believed men should be kept closely entwined
because of the saying "out of sight out of mind"
Dad urged I give them space and make them ponder
because "absence makes the heart grow fonder"
I worried how I'd react to being charmed
Mum emphasized "forewarned is forearmed"
The male perspective gave my ego a hit –
Dad said "cross that bridge if you come to it"
When I found love the saying Mum liked to push
was "one in the hand's worth two in the bush"
Dad said "there's always time to be the faithful wife"
and persuaded me "variety was the spice of life"
I struggled at courting and was getting old
but "you're never too old to learn" I was told
However my confidence was hit for a six
when Dad said "you can't teach an old dog new tricks"
"If first you don't succeed try, try again"
this was Mum's attitude toward courting men
Dad's radically differed of course –
he told me not to "flog a dead horse"
My parent's advice couldn't have been sounder
for I found a genuine all rounder
but I hope he can live with the reality
I now have a split personality.
Copyright © David Kidd | Year Posted 2023
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David Kidd Poem
There was a day set aside for the wedding
but the groom was very much dreading
it would be the same day
his grand final would play
and that’s where it looked it was heading
Alas his worst fears came true
So what was he s’posed to do?
Change the date
he’d marry his mate
or send a substitute to say “I do”?
Of course, that could be done covertly
The team had done it before with Curtley
but if the bride found out
she’d give him a clout
and the next month he’d spend inertly
So I hope we have the real groom today –
shame on his mates for staying away
but he stayed away too
when best man for Stew
and the ladies can still throw the bouquet
The bride is also very fond of her sport
loving a good tussle on field and on court
It’s clear and plain
she knows Glen’s pain
and she’s the kind and compassionate sort
This wedding’s been the perfect storm
The bride’s team’s in awesome form
Today’s their final too
So what’s Jane s'posed to do?
Miss it, or follow the wedding norm?
I’m sorry the groom’s grumpy and pre-occupied
but the final’s on now and he’s not in the side
but Jane empathizes
with his sacrifices
having hired a substitute bride!
Copyright © David Kidd | Year Posted 2023
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Details |
David Kidd Poem
It is common knowledge to those who have shared rooms with the groom and those who have only shared houses with him, he snores
and no matter what one tries to do to stop him, or to dampen the sound, his snoring stubbornly soars
After having tried everything from clothes pegs to sound-proof walls
after drowning out his hog-like snorts with the seventh symphony of nature's bird calls
I finally arrived at a solution that could only be dreamt up by someone on the edge of insanity
How often, I thought, do annoying sounds top the musical charts of humanity?
If record scratching, Sesame Street's Grover
squealing guitars and da da das over and over
are able to be the musical hits of the night
then why couldn't the sounds of snoring become a delight?
A chart topping snoring song would send a message to the ear-battered wives of the world their sensory perceptions have erred
that snoring is not to be complained about, but rather preferred
Wives should be proud of their man's popular melody
They should listen intently for talent and balladry
It should lull them to sleep as the lulling of their feral felines that have purred
or as the evergreen 'Rock-a-by’ or Hush Little Baby Don't Say A Word’
If, however, the bride can't obtain this perception of snoring
I'd instead recommend she perceive it as boring
for it would be highly inconsistent of her to fall asleep while her husband is making advances toward her
but to stay awake during his monotonous snoring, which to the same extent hadn't bored her.
Copyright © David Kidd | Year Posted 2023
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