Split Personality - Duelling Proverbs

Mum said "birds of a feather flock together" so I searched for a man who liked similar weather until Dad stressed "opposites attract" and I tried to determine just what I lacked "Small packages", Mum said, "held the best things" so I looked for a humble guy with diamond rings until Dad said I should find a real go-getter because it's a fact "the bigger the better" When I fancied a guy from amongst the herds Mum said "action speaks louder than words" but Dad said this advice should be ignored because "the pen is mightier than the sword" Mum believed men should be kept closely entwined because of the saying "out of sight out of mind" Dad urged I give them space and make them ponder because "absence makes the heart grow fonder" I worried how I'd react to being charmed Mum emphasized "forewarned is forearmed" The male perspective gave my ego a hit – Dad said "cross that bridge if you come to it" When I found love the saying Mum liked to push was "one in the hand's worth two in the bush" Dad said "there's always time to be the faithful wife" and persuaded me "variety was the spice of life" I struggled at courting and was getting old but "you're never too old to learn" I was told However my confidence was hit for a six when Dad said "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" "If first you don't succeed try, try again" this was Mum's attitude toward courting men Dad's radically differed of course – he told me not to "flog a dead horse" My parent's advice couldn't have been sounder for I found a genuine all rounder but I hope he can live with the reality I now have a split personality.