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Kierra Martinez Poem
Sixteen years ago he left me,
I was only two years old.
He chose a life of crime instead,
At least that's what I've been told.
He never tried to come back,
No gifts, cards, or calls.
While he was drinking and running from cops,
I was learning how to crawl.
He missed my first steps,
Missed my recitals and my first play,
He missed all my brothers football games,
I wanted to know why he didn't stay.
I thought it was my fault,
I turned toward men and drugs.
I was only eleven years old
Meeting up with plugs.
I replaced him with pills and powder,
Their love in place of his.
For seven years, I road the high,
Until the overdose had proved what this life really is.
Mom forced me to detox,
To rid my body of the addiction.
The drugs, the drinks, and the wanting to know
How my father could cause such an affliction.
I've been sober for a year now,
Sober from drugs and my need for him.
And though it took some time, I know,
The truth is rather grim.
He’s never coming home again,
He chose the life he leads.
And from him and all of my hurdles,
I have finally been freed.
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
for you, I'd let the world burn,
and we can dance in the flames.
even if I have to burn, too,
I'm willing to play that game.
I will light the match
destroy the world I love,
as long as you tell me to,
there's nothing I won't let go of
and though the heat is painful,
I'll endure the blaze
there's nothing that I won't do for you
for you, I'll burn til the end of days
as I cough and cry and blister,
I'll remember that this is for you
for you're my love, my light, my demise
I hope you enjoy the view...<3
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
I don’t want to feel this way
As if you took all of the air out of my lungs when you left.
I fight through it everyday,
And you will never know how hard I wept.
You stole the only light I had
Leaving me in an world of silent nothingness.
I did everything you asked
Upon my worst enemy, I wouldn’t wish this loneliness.
I miss the way we’d laugh
And how we’d comfort each other when we would cry.
I miss the way we’d sing and dance
And the way you’d make me laugh without having to try.
But I hate your empty promises
And your cold, meaningless, and beautiful lies.
I was nothing but a distraction
But for me, you were the stars to my night sky.
For two years my love was yours
But now I know your heart was never mine.
For you, I’d crawl across the earth and more
And for you, I know I was just a way to waste your time.
I was never the object of your desires
Not even someone to whom you could tell the truth
You were a boy trying to build a man’s empire
Acting as if the world couldn’t see you were forever hooked on your youth.
You know, I guess I’m glad we’re not together
Just embarrassed that it took so long
You taught me through your mistakes that I deserve better
I don’t have many regrets but you were certainly something I did wrong.
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
so many people have told me that they miss the girl I used to be, the girl who loved and hoped and dreamed. it almost pains me to tell them that that poor girl died a rather long time ago. she lived a life full of light and laughter, making her death all the more painful. her loved ones mourned her, laying her to rest in a field of daisies and sunflowers and other blooming things. they allowed her to return to the earth that had sustained her. from her body, more flowers grew and in them she found eternity. but eventually, those flowers died, leaving nothing but a cold and barren ground in their absence. all that was left of her was a shell of what she used to be. no longer bright, no longer joyous. no more laughter or dancing or making daisy crowns on warm spring days. flowers, sunshine, and music quickly became ice, razor blades, and pills. innocence lost to a world that was far too harsh for a girl with such a delicate soul. giggles replaced by tears, dresses, and skirts traded in for hospital sweat pants, our poor girl is now a sickly little thing. maybe it's for the best that the girl they knew is dead. I just pray that the girl she left behind lasts a little longer than she did.
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
no one told me it would hurt like this.
like sandpaper scraping through my veins.
head pounding, body aching,
tied and bound with chains.
they never explained the pain I'd feel
or the way my body would shut down.
straining against a sea full of destructive things
and I fear that I might drown.
I don't think I can continue
this is far too much to bear
I crave the habits that numbed the pain
that pulled me out of this despair.
the pills used to set me free,
and I'd drink until I slept
now reality beats me down
the title of sobriety is the only thing I've kept
I miss the times I couldn't feel
the times I can't remember
I don't want to feel this way
just a blink away from a bender
being sober feels like torture
I need the drug-induced bliss
I know this is what's best for me
but no one told me it would hurt like this.
k.s.<3
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
he tells me to do bad things,
things no child should have to hear.
he thrives on all the darkness,
the trauma, and the fear.
he continues to try to break me,
he tells me to hurt myself
I try to block out his sinister words
but nothing seems to help.
his like a whisper in my ear,
or rather a voice inside my head.
which I believe is so much worse
than a monster under the bed.
he is everywhere that I am,
he and I are one,
he lives and breathes and tortures me
and pulls my strings til I'm undone.
he's driven me to the edge
and he made me do very bad things.
pills, powder, blades, and blood,
he's the master who pulls my strings.
one day I'll break from under his rule,
I'll live without the voice.
I'll eat and drink and live my life,
and it'll all be my choice.
until that day comes,
I'll live with him right here,
for him and I, we are one.
I'm my own greatest fear...
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
how many times can a heart break?
how many times before the pieces don't fit together?
does time truly heal all wounds?
does it ever get better?
I don't think I could do this again,
don't think I could bear this type of agony.
I hate that this is what I've become,
an endless cycle of tragedy
the weight is all-consuming
a pressure that even substances can't shake
it's present even while I'm sleeping
borderline unbearable when I wake
I miss the life I used to have,
the one where I didn't care.
if a higher power does exist,
what made them think that this is fair?
honestly, how many times can a heart break?
how many times before the pieces don't fit together?
does time truly heal all wounds?
please tell me it gets better...
k.s. <3
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
Gone are those who blurred the way I see myself. Gone are the hours I spent scouring over every imperfection. This is the time in which I finally step into my light and not worry if it’s too bright for others to handle. I am no longer the trembling girl I once was. My bones will no longer clatter like thin branches in the wind, no longer snap like a rubber band pulled just a little too tight. I use this battered skin to form the wings that will carry me to my destiny. And though the scars will always remain, they will share my story. They will stay as a reminder that everything beautiful and strong was once helpless and weak. I will pull myself from the depths in which my past has placed me and finally give myself the love that I had so long reserved for others. I’ll wear my hair like the crown it is, my clothes like armor that show the world just how powerful I am, and my skin - with all its scars - as if they are medallions for every battle I’ve ever won. No longer will I apologize for the person I’ve become. It’s not like anyone apologized for making me this way. I now feel the luxury of bathing in the jealously of those who try to dull my shine. Even diamonds fail to compete with the brilliance I exude. This is my time, a time that has been postponed for far too long. So to those who doubted me, I say, gone are those who blurred the way I see myself. Gone are the hours I spent scouring over every imperfection. Now, ready to love the goddess I’ve become, it is time to step into my light, and to hell with who it blinds.
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
It took me years but I finally found him. The man that looks at me as if I were the sun that warms his body and soul. The man that grows through adversity and still manages to be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. He is thousands of stories and millions of moments, never denying who he is. Never have I seen someone so full of admiration and loyalty. His brightness never falters and his smile never fades. He is the light of my life, my warmth, my light, my sunflower.
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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Kierra Martinez Poem
it felt as if the air was too thin to breathe
the ceiling and walls moving separately from each other.
the blood rushing in my veins reached a decibel louder than a thousand engines
my skin a cursed mix of fire and ice
every noise, thought, emotion, and urge magnified tenfold
the sound of the package crinkling
the needle hitting the bottle and the pulling of the liquid
my watery sweet escape.
the sharp piercing of needle hitting skin,
the dull ache, and burning sensation,
then silence.
no more pain, no more worry,
no more hoping for death to reach out and take you to a world far far away.
the silence is blissful.
the numbness is heaven-sent.
for a few hours, the world falls away and I don't have to remember who I am
or what led me to this point.
once the high wears away, reality crashes back in with a deafening quake.
I guess I need a higher dose next time...
Copyright © Kierra Martinez | Year Posted 2022
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