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Best Poems Written by Brittany Larson

Below are the all-time best Brittany Larson poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

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On Healing

Sometimes healing is messy
It is a rollercoaster 
Ups and downs
Sometimes I can handle it
Other times I lose control
I say I am in recovery for my bulimia
But I still struggle
I still consider pushing myself that extra hour in the gym
I think skipping lunch that day won't hurt
I sometimes spend too much time looking at teeth enamel strengthening toothpaste and whitening strips
I only look at healthy snack like plain rice cakes and original sun chips
Carboard is not the most appealing flavor
But it is the safest one
I don't have to feel guilty when I eat them
I won't need to punish my body later
Some days though
I will eat the birthday cake and not worry about it later
I will still go to the gym but only spend 30 minute there not 2 hours
I brush my teeth not worrying about if i will cause any damage to them from a purge
Healing is messy
Somedays are easier than others
But I know that I am trying my hardest.

Details | Brittany Larson Poem

Untitled

I go to the doctors office for a simple check up
The first thing she says, 
"I'm so proud of you for losing weight"
All I can do is look down at my feet and mutter thanks
I don't mention the dark circles around my eyes
I don't let her know that I haven't had my period in 3 months
How I feel dizzy whenever I stand
How many hours I spend at the gym
I can't tell her how good water feels on an empty stomach
Or that I don't remember when the last time I had a proper meal
I grab my things and call my mom 
Thinking that if I talk to someone who knows that weight and health are not the same thing I will feel better but I don't
Instead I stand on the scale and curse the girl in the mirror
And figure that one more skipped meal won't hurt
Or another 3 hours in gym won't kill me
I get told everyday how good I am looking and how proud people are of me
The girls at the gym ask me what my secret is and I can't tell them I am sick
We have sayings like "You can feel sore today or sorry tomorrow" 
And "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" yet I still don't look like Kate Moss
And when I do find something that tastes THAT good I feel guilty and restrict
I know my friends won't worry though
If I skip everything except the salad without dressing
Or I say ''I'm just not hungry"
You know that fat girls don't get bulimia 
So if I tell my friends I don't want a meal it 
They won't start to worry
Because, It looks like I don't miss any!

Details | Brittany Larson Poem

Big Man

Big man walks easy 
Owns everything he looks at
Turn his big eyes and his big head and says nothing
Because he doesn't have to
Big man walks with a hitch in his step
Because he is giddy with his owning
I have forgotten how to access my voice
I am so adept at saying nothing that when I do speak it has become indistinguishable from silence 
Big man is my brother
So I coddle his unruly
Big man is my father
So I forgive him untethered
I am afraid of how loud my voice gets and still goes unheard 
I am weary from not owning anything
Not even my body
I am ever startled by the sound of my own voice
It is not mine, it's his
It is plucked and seashell necklace
It is used against me until I uncle
Big man crosses the street without looking
He knows I will stop for him
Knows the concrete of his forehead is bang enough for anyone's buck
He slows down as he walks past me
Tilts his big head in my direction
And grins, eaten worlds

Details | Brittany Larson Poem

Open Your Eyes

For my Dear Friend Robby, though you may never read this...it's for you. 

When you have been cold for so long 
You sweat under blankets for hours
And still feel the chill ache between the bones of your feet
They are so tired
So walked upon and numb with neglect
And you have tiptoed through the silence in your empty house for so long you can hear the neighbors breathe
They are so alive 
when you have chased escape for so long
It begins to sound like rescue
Begins rolling off your tongue at a moments notice
Smelling like smoke in a silent bedroom
Open your eyes
Wide open
Like you've never been blinded
Like your lungs still work
and your heart still works 
And your tongue still works
And call me a liar if this isn't the brightest morning I can remember
When the mountains fall sharp and crumbling into this valley
you will not have time to pen your history
Or gather your belongings
Or kiss your mother one last time in case you forgot
What are you doing sleeping
When there is a city out there?
Rolling slanted and dirty out of the Pacific
Holding 630,000 people 
with 630,000 heartbeats calling home
This behemoth reaching in the dusk tint
When the dust settles
You will be exactly where you left yourself
Be it sitting in the dark
Or struggling to earn joy like it owes you a favor
So when you find yourself fighting with gravity for lung space
STOP! 
And cherish the burn of no exit strategy
It feels like February shot directly into your veins
And yes you are going to fall down again
But you are so freaking alive
You're billions of organisms that have somehow learned to live together
So what are you doing calling this just another day?
This is the only chance your gonna get
When you've been down for so long
You've made the bottom your only friend
When hope only comes in dreams and teases
Open your eyes
This is the brightest damn morning you're ever gonna get
So go ahead and use it 
Go ahead and take up space
Take as much as you want and stop apologizing
No one is going to tell you sorry for pushing you so far aside you fall off the edge
So start pushing back
Show me those wide open pupils
Show me a lifetime of stories where you win at the end
And I know winning is just a fancy word for content with what you accomplished 
It's so easy to give up and call it survival
I don't want to survive if it comes with numb and listless
Be grateful for that wide open sunrise
Open your eyes
You are so damn beautiful when you are alive!

Details | Brittany Larson Poem

I Believe

He doesn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster 
This revelation occurs six orgasms into my visit and totally kills the mood 
I say "But at least you can acknowledge that we don't know like for sure"
And he says "There is zero proof and I believe what can be proven to me using my own rules"
And I say "What if there is an alternate reality where dinosaurs never became extinct and right where the lake is there is a family of Ichthyosaurus and what if underneath the water there is a thin part of reality and sometimes the dinosaurs come true." 
And he says "I have never seen an alternate reality. Anyway the dinosaurs are extinct and everyone knows that and anyway even if that were true we'd be able to find it."
And I say "Well what if our equipment just can't register it because our technology is not that advanced"
And he says "You smoke too much pot" 
This is not a conversation that can go anywhere but back around so instead I kiss him and we don't talk about it again 
Somewhere deep in the lake huddled among plants only slightly different than the ones she's used to eating in her alternate dimension Nessie belches quietly and moves on 
This is not a thing I know for certain but I am certain that I am unwilling to live in a world that doesn't have room for the possibility of the unknown
I believe that someday there will be a zombie apocalypse
They will take to the streets and I will take to the woods like my hippie parents taught and eventually I will come to a part that no ones ever seen before and there, I will find magic 
I believe that someday I will rub the right lamp and the right good will and there will be a genie
I believe that bumblebees are spaceships for tiny aliens and the reason they can only sting you once is that the stinger is the escape pod 
But mostly I believe that without my imagination I am an empty shell of a plodding work week 
Pointless tik-tok without an end goal 
I believe that all the beauty of this world lies in the unknowable and the endless things to find and learn and relearn and relearn
He is kissing me goodbye and I say "No, I will always believe in the Loch Ness Monster and goblins and aliens and magic wishes"
And he says "I know and I never will but I believe in you and I believe you should be happy however you get there."
I take this as a win 
Settle into my seat on the big metal box flying magically through the sky and wait for the universe to prove itself it's real to him

Details | Brittany Larson Poem

There Will Be a Man

There will be a man and he will say
I am a good man
He will will say 
I am a good man and he will be so full of rules and responsibilities that you will believe him
Don't believe him
There will be woman after woman after woman
Who does not know what happened last night
Only that he kept buying her drinks and rubbing her back telling her all the beautiful things she deserves
She will not feel beautiful
I am so sick from eating my own tongue
For removing myself from spaces he might be in
From hearing from people I love that he is a good man
There will be a man who does everything right on paper
Who is so much more giant that you could ever be 
And he will rub that giant against you want him to or not
He will be waiting behind every unbidden sunrise to remind you how in control you are not
How next year will be the same as this year
How much it is your fault if you are hurting
He is not hurting
There will be a man who eats nothing but empty pedestals
He will say I am a good man and you are not a good girl
And he will be right on paper
He will erase the mistake from inside of your mouth
Relabel himself a martyr and bow out on yellowed
You will still be here tainted talked about