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Nesma Alnsour Poem
What is death?
A mystery I can never solve
Or even understand I don’t think any human can
What is death?
A question no one ever gave me an answer for
Well not the one I need
I’ve been living in confusion since the day I lost you
They told me: tomorrow you will forget
They told me: Tomorrow everything will be better
How can I forget?
When everything reminds me of you
What is death?
I can never find an answer or even understand
You were here and now you are gone
You were there and now you are not
I hold the phone to call you
Cause I can never believe that you won’t answer
I see your grave I read your name a thousand times
In order to believe and yet
It might be someone else the same name as you
Am I losing my mind?
For nothing makes sense to me
Will it ever do?
Will I ever understand?
How you were just right there
And now simply now you are not
They tell me you are in heaven
You are gone
But yet they say he will never leave he is always in our heart
You are either there or not
You can’t be not here and yet in my heart
I don’t want you to be in my heart
I want to call you
And I want you to answer
I don’t want to hear tomorrow will be better
I think I’m faking it
Why do I even care?
Questions in my mind
Maybe a way to make my self-feel better
Why do I even care?
But I do
I need you here
I need you now
I need to call you
And I need you to answer
I don’t want to understand death
I don’t want death
I don’t believe in death
It’s a lie they created to take you way from me
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2012
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
My pen I will confess,
For you will hear my every thought
Without condemn
When I’m alone, my head
Is abundant with loud questions
Of where I belong
I sometimes find myself gazing
Through nothingness without an end
I find myself drifting
Through this life without effect
I wonder
If I deserve this gift I’ve been given
From a god I have forgotten
I wonder
If I’m worth what I’ve been blessed
Eyes to see
Ears to listen
Hands to touch
Mind to think
Heart to love
Life to live
I swirl through days and night
Searching for a definition
For this life I’m living
I often try hard,
To analyze and guess,
To investigate and ponder
For things I don’t understand
Somewhere deeper, there must be
Some meaning to this life,
Some way to make a difference,
An ending for the puzzle of the mind
...It's undefined
Is there some hidden meaning?
Maybe in a dictionary I haven’t found
A greater purpose awaits
For care and desire
It bothers and hurt me, to be always slightly out of sight;
A vivid vision out of reach,
Where darkness sheds the light
I struggle to bring clarity
For a vision that might give me an answer
Yet, this perfect illusion
Always fades before my glare.
Just adds more questions,
To my tired endless gaze
Perhaps I'm trying too hard,
To understand it all,
For can we ever truly know
Just what we have in this haunted soul?
But will my searching bring to me
The answers i cant define
Or will it leave me shattered,
And confused as I always am,
While questions bring no relief
To my wrinkled eyes
still...
undefined
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2010
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
When Cries and quite prayers fills the air
As things go wrong, as they usually do
When life starts to hurt as seconds fly away
And the Paths you plodding seems all-uphill
When Love is lost and hate is found,
And nothing goes right and all goes down
When People change as seasons in the year
And you look for a friend but all are gone
When you search for happiness and find none
And you need to cry but you have to smile
When Life pushes us to the edge with its twists and turns
We close our eyes try to stop the burns
We try to float away
Leaving all this chaos and confusion behind
Wondering how long it will take to be free from these chains
Floating through it all
My soul sees
What Eyes can't see
Take a break if you need but never do quit
A golden crown might be an inch away
Even if your eyes cant see it
You got to believe
You never can tell how close you are
Trust in yourself and Let faith lead your way
Grasp your dreams and never let go
Don't give up even if the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow
I promise you the goal is closer than it seems
Don’t be the struggler who has given up
Be the survivor who has captured the winner’s cup.
Thoughts of doubt might consume your mind
But keep in mind failure is just steps to success
Keep your head up with your armor and sword
And get in the battle in its hardest blow
Even when you feel weak, you must be strong
Believe in time
Believe in yourself
Those two can change the universe
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2011
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
Linger through the moonlit night
Wear the mask and cease to exist
A face within a swirl of mist
extend my arm and turn my fist
Red rivers flowing through my veins
Yawls for an exit to freedom
Scratching the inner of my skin
The colors of my face drain
By the shrill of trees dwelling within the mist
Howls of wind stirs the soul with its every spin
Eyes rolling everywhere with fake smiles and perfection covering their every inch
Lots of copies rule over this world
A cry of agony screamed my soul
A yearn for this play to end
A dream of truth
Cast upon the mind
Try to reach a point where every thought is a positive
Until the day we crash
Hoping for a lie to hide our very soul
A simple three words
Everything is okay!
There lies the process that kills us all
Through our soul it winds and steal our mind
Mighty echoes of silent cries
Rushes through the nights darkness and bitter silence
With the melody of horror
Down on my knees
With tears flowing with red rivers
I wailed in pain
I wail in pity
My reflection is my enemy
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2010
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
Nothing worse than a sleepless night,
My body’s a sleep but my mind’s wide-awake
With all the starts in the dark sky
None with enough light
I struggle to put my fears aside and my thoughts to rights.
Struggling, through the meanders of my mind
Screaming thoughts rumble and tumble exploding my head
When sleep finally finds it way to me
Nightmares sneaks in my bed
Causing such a fright
Fights to scare sleep away
Living life over in my head
Afraid to go to sleep at night
Afraid to be alone or to make sound
By five in the morning I wish I were dead,
There’s nothing worse than lying awake at night.
Screaming and hearing nothing but my echo in a moonless night
With Closet monsters peeking at me
Wish to tightly clutch my teddy
But all grown up and too old for a toy
As the closet door creaks
I wait for this endless time to end
Hoping for the monster not to hold my leg
And for nightmare not to sneak on my bed
Wishing to sleep yet I’m still wide-awake
Feeling dead and wondering if I’m still alive
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2012
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
I feel like I'm living in an isolated island with nothing around but fear and mystery
I feel like a child stuck in an adults body
I look around and i see memories that makes me smile
I close my eyes
And i wonder why should i grow up is it a must
Why cant i live life as it was
Where my only worries was not getting my favorite chocolate ice cream
Where all I wanted was to hang my drawings in the refrigerator and playing restaurant with my imaginary friend
I remember those days
Where pica boo makes me laugh
Climbing mountains of pillows, and making towers of books was the goal of the day
I miss those days
Where I used to fall asleep to my favorite lullaby dream of rainbows and chasing butterfly
Where I only cry over a lollipop that I cant have
I want to go back to those days
Where I used to think everything was mine, friends forever is true and there’s nothing such as death
Where my toughest times is saying goodbye to my teddy bear
Where being responsible means not drawing at the walls
What happened to the days?
Where tooth fairies and wishing under a shooting star was real
Where a mirror is a portal to another universe
What happened to the years?
Where my words don’t hurt
Where everyone was here to stay
Where love was innocent and true
Where fathers was the only super hero
Where mothers cuddle made all pain disappear
Just yesterday
I was waiting for my fifth birthday
Today
I’m waiting for my 20th birthday
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2012
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
Sounds of horror in the raging night
Gasps of fright
Lots of fights
I can hear your loud silent screaming prayers as I stand in this moment
Your angry, hateful, painful thoughts in my head make me shake in the dark and it
captures my soul in a careless way
Voices of others is leaking into my mind
Is it a gift from the lord?! Should I be grateful?! Should I help who I can hear?!
The despairing voices made me age quickly
The wrinkles around my eyes are growing as I grow.
And so, it begins
As I prepare to pass the valley of the nights and leave the earth behind, I give the wind a moment to touch my wrinkled face and say goodbye, with my sight frozen at the edge of my life, just a step to front will take me to an eternal sleep where no voices exist!
A drop of the rain clears my head
Parties, funerals, heart attacks, cancers, beer, drugs, running away from death, running
to death...silliness!!
Standing among all human in this world as death stand aside, waiting for me to climb above
its balmy wings, with the relentless screaming voices in my head
I try to cover my ears for the last time
with my hands reaching the hands of god
With my lips calling for help
With my eyes looking at the eye of the sky, to the lord to whatever is above me with the higher power
I pray for forgiveness which I need the most, as I stretch in the sun-as if the sun is
mine- saying goodbye
Step forward...flying an amazing feeling!
Acidic tears from the depth of some growing despair are dropping from my eyes with the falling rain
every tear feels like knives stabbing my soul though I don't know any more is it tears or
is it just the rain; no feeling...it’s all gone.
My life slips away from the day of my birth till the day I say goodbye to this world
I can see every day I lived
Every memory I have crashing at the beginning of my eternal sleep...one by one
Lots of sorrows and pain
Lots of joy and pleasure
Love and hatred
Hopes and dreams
every story should have an end and mine will finish now...
Goodbye to all gods’, human creation, to all madness, to all thoughts.
Forgive me for I couldn’t help
Wet, red ground under me, pain I can feel but not for too long
Cars, children, screams, war, and fights!!
Suddenly nothing!! Just emptiness!!
Freedom at last!
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2010
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
Joy, happiness, pain, sadness, love, passion, hatred, greed, tears, pleasure, grief, lies,
regret, pride, addiction, suicide....
Lots of emotions
Lots of feelings
Lots of confusions
Some are nothing but acts, lies and performances
Some are truthful and painful
And Some are helpless and hopeless
I stand as a baby bird ready to fly
I blunder forth and back, Left and right
Where ever the wind takes me
Just like the voices in my head moving inside my mind
The sound of the screaming nights, the stormy lands, the raging hungry oceans, the cries in every drop in a rainy day and the broken heart of planet earth.
The floating sea animals, the burning forests!! Because of the intelligent acts of human!
Thoughts, poetry, stories scrawl across the white empty pages... Meaningless words!!
Safe, secure!! Look at them no houses, no families, no shadows... Nameless!
They're hungry for hugs and kisses for a bosom and we get angry for getting a bad payday
and they aren't getting any!
Their only shield is the naked trees!!
The mask of blessings and the beliefs of belongings are wilting with the fires of
loneliness and guilt.
The music of the weddings
The screams with every new birth
The voices of the crashing bones when a body hits the ground...another suicide!
The shouts of a girl lost in despair holding her father in her arm screaming for help to
save him...another heart attack!
War, human, peace, god!!
Voices of thunders - god creation - Reach from the farthest, vast skies burning houses
trees and cities.
Human creation crashing the skies blowing homes, women, babies... Blowing them into pieces!
Soulless men!!
Somewhere in this world in this minute
A girl weeps
A child cries
many dies
somewhere in this world humanity fades
Some are killed
Some are hurt
Some lost in dreams
Lots of voices I can't handle
The thoughts of an addict living with a blue hole in his arm barely losing it
The thoughts of a daughter brutally beaten from an alcoholic father
The thoughts of a hungry child of war
I should have helped them all, but I can't!
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2010
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
Thinking about tomorrow
You wont be there
Thinking about you
I miss your voice
Thinking about my birthday
The one I don’t want to have without you
Thinking about my friend
And how we are drifting apart
Thinking about a bond and how could be broken over a night
Thinking about how people could simple walk away
Thinking about life
I wish it would end
Thinking about me
I hate so much
Nothing makes sense
A lesson I learnt in life
Everyone walks away
Everyone leaves
There’s no such thing
As I will be their forever
Or true friendship
No such thing as love
Being close to anyone
Only brings pain
Pain to heart
Pain to soul
They either leave
OR god simple choose
To take them away
Thinking about the things I’ve done
And you are not here to see
Thinking about all the days I tried to make you proud
But never really did
Tired of life
Tired of everything
I think it’s time to say my goodbyes
And put my thinking aside
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2012
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Nesma Alnsour Poem
It’s been years and I did nothing but watch the walls crack
I look everywhere and see a glimpse of things I missed
I try to go back to do things that was undone
But what’s in the past can never be undone
I’m so littler now
Stuck in the jail of my heart
Broking to pieces
Barely breathing
weeping bitterly for my savior
I’m sorry for I left you for so long
I’m ashamed of holding you
You were the only one who gets me
You’ve always been here through my ups and downs
And I simply walked away from you
I always exploded all my feelings to you
You did nothing but listen
Never judge me with a glance
I’ve hit you
Threw you
Broke you
You’ve always forgave me
And came back
You always knew what was really there
I didn’t need to show you for you to see
I spilled my heart to you
Without even saying a word
You just simply knew
You helped me find my words
To show the world
As it is from my heart
For they need lots of words to understand
With just a movement of my hand
You helped me draw my dreams my thoughts my unspoken words
On these wet forgotten papers
Gave it a new life
A new story to share
I promise ill never leave you again
Forgive me, My Pen My savior
Copyright © Nesma Alnsour | Year Posted 2011
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