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Best Poems Written by Gillian Brumbaugh

Below are the all-time best Gillian Brumbaugh poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

A Day Late and a Buck Short

Wanting what I can’t have,
That seems to be my M.O.,
Why I keep doing it I’ll never know,
You’d think I’d understand that I can’t have it;

(Yeah yeah yeah,)
(Go ahead,)
(Make a blonde joke,)
(I’m not even blonde dumb ass;)

But no,
I still go on wanting it more and more,
I want what someone else has,

(Yes, I know,)
(Slut,)
(Shut up;)

I want what’s too far away,
I want what doesn’t want me,
I seem to want the impossible,
And then,
Outta the blue,
Something wants me,
And of course I get excited,
But then there’s luck I got,
Something always comes up,
And I always end up a day late and a buck short,
Story of my life,
It’s not just that it happens with something important,
No,
Of course not,
It’s with everything,
I can’t seem to get a break,
No matter how much time I have,
Or how many 20’s I got in my wallet,
It always ends up short;

(Yeah,)
(Go ahead,)
(Laugh it up,)
(I said short,)
(I know,)
(Smartass,)
(You aren’t helping my situation,)
(So just shut up,)
(I don’t care,)
(I’ve got bigger issues to deal with;)

Because I don’t seem to have enough of somethin’,
And lemme tell ya,
It ain’t fun not havin’ it;

(Not that you care,)
(You’re busy makin’ wise cracks,)
(Doesn’t really bother me though,)
(So get over yourself, a’ight?)
(Why am I even bothering?)
(I’m not writing this for you;)

I’m not writing this for anybody,
I’m just writing it,
Just putting my pen to paper,
And letting the ink write whatever comes to mind;

(That explains the ranting, eh?)
(Yeah,)
(Bite me,)
(I’m having enough problems without you,)
(So could ya just lay off for maybe five minutes?)
(Somehow I doubt that,)
(But one can always hope;)

It’s not my fault I come up short;

(And don’t even say it;)

I am who I am,
With or without whatever’s missing,
No,
Strike that,
Because if I had what was missing,
I wouldn’t be me now would I?
The thing I need,
Wants me without whatever’s missing,
But good luck finding that,
And we all know how my luck goes;

(That’s it exactly;)

A day late and a buck short,
Ahh the universe loves me;

(Don’tchya think?)
(What?)
(You don’t agree?)
(Can’t imagine why,)
(Well, I guess I’ll have to put up with you,)
(Lucky lucky me,)
(Nothin’ I can do about you;)

At least not now,
Not until I got an extra penny,
At least,
And I’m half an hour early.

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

The Tattoo

I'm telling you up front right now,
Ignore that tattoo on my forehead that says ‘soul mate’,
I know what you're thinking,
‘I don’t think I can love anymore’,
‘It's just a crush I don’t love you’,
‘You can't fall in love this way’,
‘You're just a friend’,
I've heard it a million times,
And they all fall for the ‘soul mate’ tattoo;

No one can seem to resist the tattoo,
And I can't see why,
They fall for me left and right,
They see the tattoo and nothing else,
Head for it until it's too late,
It tells them they love me,
It will tell you the same,
And after I've told you this,
You’ll say that’s the dumbest thing you can do,
And I’ll say finally someone smart,
A week later you'll be planning our wedding,
Just because you looked up,
And saw the tattoo on my forehead;

Don’t make me say ‘I told you so’ down the line,
I know you believe it won't happen,
But it always does,
Don’t fall for the ‘deep’ green eyes,
That ‘gorgeous’ smile,
The ‘luscious’ full lips,
They all belong to the tattoo,
Don’t listen to the ‘sweetness’,
All the similarities we have,
Or the ‘not-like-any-girl-you’ve-ever-met’ quality,
Somehow the tattoo uses those too;

You see,
That tattoo is a lie,
It wants to suck you in,
I'm here to save you from it,
Because the tattoo that speaks the truth,
Is hidden from you,
It's the tattoo on my ass that says ‘heartbreaker’.

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

Memory

You came to mind a couple days ago,
Memories of you and the various things you said,
All of those things I used to love about you,
The big brown eyes I’d stare at for hours,
That smile that rarely showed up,
Now I can’t honestly remember why I was so enthralled in it all,
You’re just a memory now,
Not wishful thinking,
Heartache,
Or remorse,
Just a memory;

I won’t lie,
There were things I felt that I never had before,
I’m just not sure why I was feeling those things,
Was it because you loved me?
Invested so much time in me?
An obligation I felt I had?
Maybe I was just kidding myself because I wanted to love you;

Some of the things I remember about you make me smile,
Others just make me shake my head in shame,
Why did I ever let myself get involved?
Why did I say the things I did?
Why didn’t I notice how wrong it was?

Thinking back I remember when I used to say I was made for you,
I can’t understand why I thought that,
Someone who was meant for you would have to share your feelings,
At the very least they’d stay true to you;

Occasionally I wonder what life would be like with you,
That thought quickly fades though,
I simply can't see it working,
We were never meant to be;

I don’t hate you by any means,
But sometimes I wonder if I really was that desperate,
Desperate enough to believe that there was love,
Just for the sake of not being alone,
We saw how well that worked,
I still ended up being alone even though we were ‘together’;

Maybe things would have been different if there wasn’t the distance,
Then again I doubt I would have even given you a second glance,
Seeing you around would be enough to let me know what type of person you were,
I would know that I couldn’t be with you;

I now see ‘being’ with you would not be right,
There would be more annoyance in our home than passion,
I surely couldn’t keep telling you I loved you that long,
At some point you’d indefinitely know my feelings were false;

Sometimes I wonder if you still love me,
Or if you ever really did,
Maybe you were playing the same game I was,
Maybe I ‘showed you the light’ so to speak,
I may never know;

I know I changed both of our lives,
I let it all go too far and then stopped it in its tracks,
This is why you’re now just a memory to me,
To save us both from each other,
But even though you’re no longer part of my life,
And I’d rather keep it that way,
Your memory lives on and will stay with me for the rest of my days.

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

Spirals, Rants, and Delusions

What's real?
I'm not sure I know anymore,
Delusions are taking over,
Pulling me apart piece by piece,
I don’t know who’s telling me what,
I don’t know who’s lying,
I can't tell what I'm really feeling,
This fantasy I've conjured up,
The life I wish I had,
But don’t and probably never will,
That’s where I'm spending my time,
Dreaming about it,
Thinking about it every chance I get,
I have things being whispered in one ear,
Other things being subtly being told in my other,
And then things just being shouted into my face,
I don’t know what to believe,
Who’s steering me the wrong way?
Who’s real and who’s not there?
This confusion I'm in,
This thing contradicting itself,
This part of me that’s in the dark,
This longing for nothing,
This unreal reality,
This is where I'm getting lost,
Confusing myself with my thoughts,
Letting people pull me apart,
Letting myself get too deep,
Letting myself get too close,
And to someone I can't even touch,
Nothing fits together,
To go in one direction I’ll crush dreams,
To go in another direction I’ll crush other dreams,
I can't go in two directions,
Even if I tried I'd crush twice as many dreams,
I'm just spinning around,
Going back and forth between degrees,
Different degrees of myself,
Being different to every person,
Confusing everyone else,
Dragging everyone down with me,
Keeping my secrets,
So I can stay partially in the delusion,
A delusion where everything’s okay,
And everything will be better shortly,
All I have to do is hold out a little while,
The reality is it's not all gonna get better,
It's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better,
And it's gonna take it's sweet time getting there,
But I don’t want to face the music,
So I’ll make it up as I go,
I’ll believe it so it's all okay,
Then I’ll try to decide who’s lying to me,
Like it’ll matter that someone else is lying,
And since I can't tell what's real and what's not,
I'm gonna stay confused in this delusion,
Living this way,
Spinning around lies and things unreal,
Just so I feel better,
Just so I don’t get hurt,
Just so I don’t have to know what's really happening.

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

Fairy Tale

In my fairy tale I have to be my own hero,
No one’s gonna rescue me from anything;

The curse put on me by some witch is being alone,
Without anyone to love or love me back;

My closed off tower is Blanchard,
Isolated from the outside world;

The conflict I have is being a teenager in this place,
Having no way out and nowhere to go;

My lady’s in waiting are leaving left and right,
For all their pushing and back-stabbing;

I haven’t come to the good sorcerer yet,
The one that will help me through all the twists;

The noble steed being a ’79 Volvo with over 300,000 miles,
Is the only means of transportation I have;

My glass slippers are leather knee high boots,
Hardly being ballroom attire;

My far off castle is the city,
Where I want to be more than anywhere;

My knight in shining armor I haven’t met yet,
In anything more than a dream anyways;

All that’s left is for my fairly tale to end,
So I can have my happily ever after.

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

Open

Opening is a bad thing,
At least it is if you’re me,
They see right down to my soul,
And sometimes that hurts;

I know I want to,
I want them to see my soul,
I want them to see me for me,
But once you open your soul,
Something leaves it;

If I open my soul too much,
The thing I lose doesn’t come back,
Then I slip down and down,
And just don’t feel quite right,
I know something is a little off;

Did you take something with you?
When I let you in,
Or was it my fault?
Was I too careless,
And lose what I had?

The depression will subside,
About going completely away?
I really don’t know,
I’ll tell when I know,
Until then I’ll just wait;

Before I let you in,
I’d never really been down here,
I’d always been mostly happy,
But something obviously changed,
I’m not the same as I used to be;

Letting you see into my soul,
That was not a mistake,
But now I have pain,
I hope it was worth it,
Just for you;

Maybe I gave it to you,
So now you’re happy,
You can stop coming down here,
And take my place up there,
Such is the price for opening my soul.

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

Confession of a Pain Inducing Heart

Again, I’ve screwed up,
I’m almost amazed that I could actually think I’d quit that,
Old habits die hard though,
And someone I really care about is going to get hurt because of it;

I know his love is genuine,
And that’s the problem,
Because no matter how much I care for him,
I can never be with him,
Not only because my heart belongs to someone else,
But also because he scares me more than anything,
I know with him I’ll get hurt,
I know he’ll hurt himself,
And there will be nothing I can do about it;

What’s worse is the fact that he doesn’t even know me,
Or I, him for that matter,
And he fell in love with me anyways,
Taking me down with him,
I had no choice but to feel something,
I do love him and want to save him,
But I could never be his wife;

The letters and pictures just did me damage,
They scared me but prevented me from letting go,
With every letter there came new hope,
Maybe false hope,
But hope none the less,
Every sentence of his made my heart sink though,
And I soon realized that I could not change him;

The hardest thing is knowing that he won’t understand,
All he knows is that he loves me and I love him,
And that’s good enough,
He’s got thoughts of our future,
While I quietly listen to him,
Knowing that he’ll never see me again;

Losing him is going to be painful,
Knowing that I hurt him so much is even worse than losing him,
But not being true to my heart will drive both of us to the point of no return,
And I simply can not do that to either one of us;

I feel guilty knowing that I’ll have someone to go home to,
Someone to love me and make me feel better,
Because I’m going to rip someone’s heart out their chest,
And he’ll be alone and heartbroken,
While I’m sleeping peacefully with the love of my life,
I don’t want to cause him so much heartache,
But there’s no way around it,
And no way I can ease the pain;

I just have to put his fragile heart back in his hands,
I have to say goodbye and not look back,
I have to remember what I have and love,
And everything will be okay,
Everything will end the way it’s supposed to.

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

What If

The first of my screw ups,
Possibly anyways,
I know I could have gone down in flames with that one;

I am almost positive that it’s what started it,
The untrusting,
The apprehension towards the one thing I want the most;

I can’t exactly say I was burned,
Because in reality – I wasn’t,
But I might as well have been,
It left the same effect on me,
It caused me to do the same things,
And either way I was left out in cold,
Alone,
Without ever knowing why;

The question why comes to mind a lot,
Why was I suddenly alone?
Why was I lied to?
Why did I fall like that?
Why did I believe the things I was told?

I honestly do not understand a thing about it all,
Or him for that matter,
He built up this hope in me,
This….hope,
Hope that I don’t even know why I had,
He convinced me of things,
Things I’d never heard before,
And then disappeared without a trace,
Didn’t come back,
And I couldn’t find a thing;

Sometimes I nearly forget about it all,
And it’s just a faint memory way in the depths of my mind,
I know all too well that it’s still there though,
Still there to eat at me every once in a while,
Still there to make me skeptical of things I should know by now,
Still there to make me contemplate it;

I am almost positive that it’s what started this chain reaction within me,
And I can’t seem to let that go,
I can’t seem to figure it out,
And because of that it lives on;

I keep wondering,
What if it happens again?
What if it always happens?
What if it happens this time?
I don’t think I can handle it,
And that’s what I’m afraid of,
That’s what scares me more than anything,
What if it does happen this one time?
What if I never get over the ‘what if’?
What if I never let this go?

Details | Gillian Brumbaugh Poem

The Crush

The object of my affection,
The thing constantly on my mind,
What I want more than anything;

That’s what you are right now,
A little obsession of mine,
Everything that I want;

I think of how you'll be mine,
Contemplate ways to do it,
Imagine them all in my head;

I think of the things I’ll do,
And what you'll do to me,
Oh how great it will be;

I watch you from afar,
I know you'll belong to me,
It's just a matter of when;

Does that scare you a bit?
Being someone’s obsession?
Being what they want so badly?

I may just use you,
So I'm secure and somewhat loved,
Even if it's only for a little while;

But you will be mine,
And I’ll continue to obsess,
And be completely wanting you;

But don’t be afraid of me,
You aren’t anything real special,
You're just my currant crush.