Home » Poems » Gillian Brumbaugh » Memory

Memory

You came to mind a couple days ago,
Memories of you and the various things you said,
All of those things I used to love about you,
The big brown eyes I’d stare at for hours,
That smile that rarely showed up,
Now I can’t honestly remember why I was so enthralled in it all,
You’re just a memory now,
Not wishful thinking,
Heartache,
Or remorse,
Just a memory;

I won’t lie,
There were things I felt that I never had before,
I’m just not sure why I was feeling those things,
Was it because you loved me?
Invested so much time in me?
An obligation I felt I had?
Maybe I was just kidding myself because I wanted to love you;

Some of the things I remember about you make me smile,
Others just make me shake my head in shame,
Why did I ever let myself get involved?
Why did I say the things I did?
Why didn’t I notice how wrong it was?

Thinking back I remember when I used to say I was made for you,
I can’t understand why I thought that,
Someone who was meant for you would have to share your feelings,
At the very least they’d stay true to you;

Occasionally I wonder what life would be like with you,
That thought quickly fades though,
I simply can't see it working,
We were never meant to be;

I don’t hate you by any means,
But sometimes I wonder if I really was that desperate,
Desperate enough to believe that there was love,
Just for the sake of not being alone,
We saw how well that worked,
I still ended up being alone even though we were ‘together’;

Maybe things would have been different if there wasn’t the distance,
Then again I doubt I would have even given you a second glance,
Seeing you around would be enough to let me know what type of person you were,
I would know that I couldn’t be with you;

I now see ‘being’ with you would not be right,
There would be more annoyance in our home than passion,
I surely couldn’t keep telling you I loved you that long,
At some point you’d indefinitely know my feelings were false;

Sometimes I wonder if you still love me,
Or if you ever really did,
Maybe you were playing the same game I was,
Maybe I ‘showed you the light’ so to speak,
I may never know;

I know I changed both of our lives,
I let it all go too far and then stopped it in its tracks,
This is why you’re now just a memory to me,
To save us both from each other,
But even though you’re no longer part of my life,
And I’d rather keep it that way,
Your memory lives on and will stay with me for the rest of my days.

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