Spirals, Rants, and Delusions

What's real? I'm not sure I know anymore, Delusions are taking over, Pulling me apart piece by piece, I don’t know who’s telling me what, I don’t know who’s lying, I can't tell what I'm really feeling, This fantasy I've conjured up, The life I wish I had, But don’t and probably never will, That’s where I'm spending my time, Dreaming about it, Thinking about it every chance I get, I have things being whispered in one ear, Other things being subtly being told in my other, And then things just being shouted into my face, I don’t know what to believe, Who’s steering me the wrong way? Who’s real and who’s not there? This confusion I'm in, This thing contradicting itself, This part of me that’s in the dark, This longing for nothing, This unreal reality, This is where I'm getting lost, Confusing myself with my thoughts, Letting people pull me apart, Letting myself get too deep, Letting myself get too close, And to someone I can't even touch, Nothing fits together, To go in one direction I’ll crush dreams, To go in another direction I’ll crush other dreams, I can't go in two directions, Even if I tried I'd crush twice as many dreams, I'm just spinning around, Going back and forth between degrees, Different degrees of myself, Being different to every person, Confusing everyone else, Dragging everyone down with me, Keeping my secrets, So I can stay partially in the delusion, A delusion where everything’s okay, And everything will be better shortly, All I have to do is hold out a little while, The reality is it's not all gonna get better, It's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better, And it's gonna take it's sweet time getting there, But I don’t want to face the music, So I’ll make it up as I go, I’ll believe it so it's all okay, Then I’ll try to decide who’s lying to me, Like it’ll matter that someone else is lying, And since I can't tell what's real and what's not, I'm gonna stay confused in this delusion, Living this way, Spinning around lies and things unreal, Just so I feel better, Just so I don’t get hurt, Just so I don’t have to know what's really happening.