Confession of a Pain Inducing Heart
Again, I’ve screwed up,
I’m almost amazed that I could actually think I’d quit that,
Old habits die hard though,
And someone I really care about is going to get hurt because of it;
I know his love is genuine,
And that’s the problem,
Because no matter how much I care for him,
I can never be with him,
Not only because my heart belongs to someone else,
But also because he scares me more than anything,
I know with him I’ll get hurt,
I know he’ll hurt himself,
And there will be nothing I can do about it;
What’s worse is the fact that he doesn’t even know me,
Or I, him for that matter,
And he fell in love with me anyways,
Taking me down with him,
I had no choice but to feel something,
I do love him and want to save him,
But I could never be his wife;
The letters and pictures just did me damage,
They scared me but prevented me from letting go,
With every letter there came new hope,
Maybe false hope,
But hope none the less,
Every sentence of his made my heart sink though,
And I soon realized that I could not change him;
The hardest thing is knowing that he won’t understand,
All he knows is that he loves me and I love him,
And that’s good enough,
He’s got thoughts of our future,
While I quietly listen to him,
Knowing that he’ll never see me again;
Losing him is going to be painful,
Knowing that I hurt him so much is even worse than losing him,
But not being true to my heart will drive both of us to the point of no return,
And I simply can not do that to either one of us;
I feel guilty knowing that I’ll have someone to go home to,
Someone to love me and make me feel better,
Because I’m going to rip someone’s heart out their chest,
And he’ll be alone and heartbroken,
While I’m sleeping peacefully with the love of my life,
I don’t want to cause him so much heartache,
But there’s no way around it,
And no way I can ease the pain;
I just have to put his fragile heart back in his hands,
I have to say goodbye and not look back,
I have to remember what I have and love,
And everything will be okay,
Everything will end the way it’s supposed to.
Copyright © Gillian Brumbaugh | Year Posted 2005
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