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Best Poems Written by Lyn Ngesh

Below are the all-time best Lyn Ngesh poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Laughing

Am not laughing because of joy
I am laughing because my life is a joke

Last week I lost my bag with all my belongings
Gone
Gone with a stranger who posed as a motor bike cyclist

Today I had to call my dad
It's 5 am 
I tell him I don't have fare to work
If we had time
I'd tell him
I don't have energy either 
no oil for my face
Deo for my armpits
Cologne for my skin
Powder for my smelly feet
Nor vision nor joy nor hope
I have run out of a lot of things dad

But I said thank you when he sent the money
I hope it covers for all the chaos

As a result of that night
There are a lot of things I do not afford
I cannot buy lunch or breakfast
And peace has become a luxury too

I remember it was a Friday night in January
I saw him and admired his beauty
I cried as I prayed
I journal-ed about him
About us
I prayed about us
And God answered
say five months later
When the feeling was gone
And today I wish with all my heart I never met him
I never said hi
I just wish with all my heart i hadn't been that enchanted
Now am stuck here with a boomerang of a boring rebellious person who won't leave me the heck alone
I wish with all my heart for him to stop
diffuse and disappear

How does this phone call go
Hi dad, 
am running out of life
...

Wish me luck

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Three Years Later

Nothing changed!

One of them is a father and drinks himself to drink.
The other is a gambling addict who just blew 80k

And me?

Hahaha....
Single, with alcohol and drugs and boy cravings keeping me up all night.
Regret, fear and constant anxiety attacks.

Life sucks.

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Three Against the World

On that day we stood there, at the front 
We said our goodbyes
Eight years down the line 
Our lives stuck in that trance

I look at my life and laugh
I have strangers for parents
I don't remember the last time I showered
I don't remember the last time I woke up to something
I just trance through life
I can't get high no more
My new parents wouldn't allow it
I'd hate to disappoint them
I mean my original parents quit for life
Life gave me a second short at being a daughter
Would't want to mess that up
So i swallow my pain, tears and darkness
The ball cuts my throat and abdomen
But I still manage to draw that smile
and say 'am okay"
I am dying my people
My heart is drowning in a pool of its own blood
And the things is, no one sees it
Not even God

I'll tell of the second of us
He is a bright mind
But the death of our pillars
Left a huge gap
He could no longer afford school
So he joined the hustle
He hustles alright
But every weekend he travels to oblivion
With a bottle and a joint 
He nurses his pain and loss far away
He tattoos his body with joint burns
He is dying this one
He is drifting away
He thinks it his fault
So he drowns 

The last of us is  soft spoken
But burns with rage on the inside which left him with a scared stomach
I look at him, his life and I want to heal his wounds
He did not qualify for higher education
His life had taken too many hits by the time, Biology just didn't make sense
And now he is homeless
Hopeless and his health is shaky
He fights within 
He is heavy with sleep
He cries in the night as the kins and schools shut their doors at his face
So much pain for him

So much pain for all of us
Who will help us?
They say three is a crowd
Who will save this crowd from the jaws of death?
Who will save us from cruelty and lack and depression
If you'd ask me,
Quitting is calling
 
Who will save them?

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Excuse Me Dad

Excuse me Dad,

I have an urgent question.
But first let me acknowledge that my blood brother is now my brother in Christ 
Recap
The brother who had ta-toed his body with cigar burns
The one who ripped his chest with a dagger
He spent three months in rehab
Yeap, that one
He survived the physical death and the actual death
Saved twice
Yesterday as I sat there and watched him talk about his journey with gratitude
....It all felt like a dream
A very long dream that began four month ago
I remember crying, escaping, believing, not believing, expectation test
But one thing that remained afloat/contact
The life jacket said
Jesus @ work.


Dad, here is the question.
Do you remember Micah?
His mother cursed him and tried to reverse it by offering You silver
Then came along a Levite
The man predicted it will be well with him
..
Dad, I did read the other chapter you know,
It does not end well with him

It does not sit well with my mind
That I could reckon with a man who raised an image
against You
and said it shall be well with him.

I think it is very wrong to think You will come anywhere near with an idol in between

The levite and the coins and the ephod were snatched away by the tribe of Dan.

I think after all it went well with his soul
But not as he predicted.

But Dad,
What do you think?
of Micah and Wonder and the House of Membley

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

What Is Life

What is life...

I told my Father I don't want fellowship
He brought the fellowship to me

I sat there and watched all these humans in our house
Watched my father narrate his version of family and love
I wish I was like him
I wish I could see things the way he does

But from this corner am drowning in a sea of people
We are all seated but am sinking real quick

At the corner I see my sinking sister
She's been sinking for a while now
Who saves who?
So I just watch her, drowning, escaping, fading

I want to write
I want to open that door
Colour these dark wall with poem and humor 
I want you to see beauty when I bled

Come, see my writing
They come in red acrylic
My hands are small and weary
My brain is overload
Am stuck down here with wishes.
How do i begin this journey

Do I begin or have I began or am i quiting?
I want it to be right you know
Why am I doing it?
To gain earth?
I heard this quote
Aim for heaven and you will get some earth,
Aim for earth and get neither.

If I begin this trip.
If I take this crowd
Am the tour guide
Down that dingy dark path
Where is my aim?

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Marriage

I woke up for the 6th time tonight to the cry of the babe sleeping in our room
The mum tired, sleepy turns to breastfeed this lil monster

When I was in campus, the word companionship came without any responsibilities
It meant holding hands, passing winks during class, a push to the bus stop, late night texting and a kiss goodnight.

Later in life, I met mum. She knows marriage like the back of her hand.
She says, its about responsibility, agendas and purity.
Every 1st Sunday of the month, in that daycare class
We sit under her and bask from knowledge.

Today, 
Right now,
I know different.
Its not about the adrenaline that keeps you awake at night texting and giggling
Its not about leaving your life behind in search of bliss and escape
Its quite the contrary.

Marriage is waking up 6 or 7 times in the night to breastfeed the ever thirsty new born who got the hours wrong
For them, day time is sleeping time and night is play time
Its waking up early enough to make sure he wakes to find warm water, a hot cup of tea and ironed clothes and a clean house
Its going to the office fresh and ready to thresh the day
Its putting a smile and encouraging other sisters in the hood

So forget romance,
Forget danger, ecstasy
Quit escaping
Because marriage is grounding.

What am I doing today to becoming Wonder Woman
How about getting my life together
Being disciplined
Doing stuff even when I don't feel like
Washing dishes before bed
Showering before sleeping
Trying out that recipe
Eating Healthy
Praying and live according to His definition of life
Choosing purity
Probably saving up bucks
Start my own business
Buy my own house
Travel 
Attend gatherings of believers
Saying No! to that delightful and desired fruit in the garden
 
He put these desires on the inside of me
So strong they push humans to move out of their homes
From their mothers hut and comfort
and cleave to strangers they met on Facebook
What kind of madness is this?
-marriage.

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Escape

Take my hand,
Is that bus to Utopia?
Come, let me take you home
My home

I sit on my desk
My body present
My soul escaping
Riding the last bus to oblivion

It is beautiful
It is glorious
Wonderful
Full of bliss and color

Come,
I'll show you
I will narrate to you

The place, far away
Full of symphony
I will tell you of Him

He greets me with a smile and warm hug
How was your day he begs to hear
I narrate with a smile and short hugs

I take His hand,
We sit by the doorsteps 
And I tell Him of my dreams, ambitions,
I notice Him basking at my sight
I ignore and carry on with gusto

He is beautiful
It is beautiful here
No judgement
No deadline
No merit
Nothing.

No passage,

Every time I retire on my bed,
I do not sleep,
The soul sinks under,
It scatters a thousand pieces across the universe
I am searching for a passage
If I can't find it
I create one

When my alarm goes off in the morning
My body lies hollow

My soul in a million places

I start to gather, and it takes a minute



Tired, I start another reality.

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Not Perfect Made Perfect

I have this pebble in my hand
I always loved those stone
and wish I'd collect millions of them
Keep them in my house
and bring them to life with beauty, acrylic and pattern

But lets imagine for a minute
Okay?
A pebble in my hand
A 'not perfect' pebble
Where do I aim this pebble (thinking)
That decision I can make
Where does the pebble land?
Fates decides
Gravity, velocity etc

My point is 
I have made a decision 
Aim at heaven
If this pebble lands wherever
that is entirely
not in my control

Dear pebble take me to eternity
I sit at my wooden door steps
outside my jungle themed castle
clothed with climbers flowers 
and I narrate to my Love
The best of stories
I bleed at His sight
and I see Him burn with concern and care
I am talking poetry and he basks

He not only knows this story
He not only wrote the story
He has lived through it
Its like a movie director
He can't act for some reasons
but he writes the stories
The script
And he relives it through each actor
each scene
Through their emotions

The best part is that, the director gets to give a preview
He gets to explain His impact,
Like where were you when I sat applying powder on my smelly feet
Or when I called on that night

Oh what about that night when I walked towards my father
When I walked towards those red acrylic letters
Where were you? what were you doing?
What was  is like for you?

Do you think that is the reason why the heaven blinds us

Do you think that is the reason I do not see my King

Cause one day, He will come and sit by the footsteps
And 
Relive those moments 
Sadness, pain, doubt, fear and blisssss

I cant wait to read concern in the eyes of my King
I cannot to read love and affection and brokenness
in fullness
Narrating an ordeal and get a
pure nod

Perfect.

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Home

WHAT AM I?
I am wondering
I am questioning
Am running yet standing still
I am breaking apart with a smile on my face.

I want to go home
far far away
beyond the horizon
My home beckons me
My heart longs for rest
I want to know peace like the back of my hand
I want to go go go far away.

They say hold your head up
They say work work work to be accepted
and everyday I drown
My head constantly under water
My temples constantly under pressure

Every time they provoke me
Ever time they say am not 
Working enough
Sacrificing enough
If only they knew how I bleed to appear
How hard I control the beast inside my belly
Hold still, I whisper

Too many hits
So many punches
They do not see it
They ridicule and laugh
And I smile loudly to mask the sound of my crushing heart
And the beast roars from the inside
And during the night
I want to escape 
Every morning I escape
And wonder
What if I never went back?
What if I carried myself and my memories to a far away land
Never to return
Never to be remembered
Will I be free then?
Will I be free...

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 New International Version (NIV)
8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Details | Lyn Ngesh Poem

Dear Dad

I don't feel well at all
I feel entangled in this chain of sadness and hopelessness
And everyday I am drowning
There is pain against my temples and chest

I am constantly escaping
Yet seated still
The sight is quite amazing

I do not want to talk to the parents You gave me
My dad want me to be a veteran
While my mum wants me to be wonder woman
I want to be a memory
A good memory
But everyday I am losing grip of that
Losing my appetite, concentration, faith and chastity

I want to go home like yesterday
I don't want to be alive
Today and now

How much longer before they can see through me
How much longer before they know who I am
what I am
I am not that competent
Not that smart 
Not that keen on details
Dad, you know me

If I quit now
Where will I go
I should have taken that stranger home
He was probably my escape
Now I sit here and wish
We could start over
I could nurse his wound and 
He could nurse my heart
but what
I am left here
with a wounded heart
and he is somewhere with an open wound
what a distress

I always think that today is the last day
Tomorrow will be brighter right?
Tomorrow comes and I can barely wake up
I wake up with curse words in my mouth
Why did I survive it
Why did I not slip into oblivion in my sleep
And I have to pull that mask, and fix it

I am falling apart
I am afraid when I can't hold it any longer
I am afraid of this phase stretching out any longer
I sit here with a needle and a thread
Trying to hold together all the tearing pieces
Maybe for today, I will survive
If I crawl, my heart won't rip off

So I crawl
So I crawl.