Dear Dad
I don't feel well at all
I feel entangled in this chain of sadness and hopelessness
And everyday I am drowning
There is pain against my temples and chest
I am constantly escaping
Yet seated still
The sight is quite amazing
I do not want to talk to the parents You gave me
My dad want me to be a veteran
While my mum wants me to be wonder woman
I want to be a memory
A good memory
But everyday I am losing grip of that
Losing my appetite, concentration, faith and chastity
I want to go home like yesterday
I don't want to be alive
Today and now
How much longer before they can see through me
How much longer before they know who I am
what I am
I am not that competent
Not that smart
Not that keen on details
Dad, you know me
If I quit now
Where will I go
I should have taken that stranger home
He was probably my escape
Now I sit here and wish
We could start over
I could nurse his wound and
He could nurse my heart
but what
I am left here
with a wounded heart
and he is somewhere with an open wound
what a distress
I always think that today is the last day
Tomorrow will be brighter right?
Tomorrow comes and I can barely wake up
I wake up with curse words in my mouth
Why did I survive it
Why did I not slip into oblivion in my sleep
And I have to pull that mask, and fix it
I am falling apart
I am afraid when I can't hold it any longer
I am afraid of this phase stretching out any longer
I sit here with a needle and a thread
Trying to hold together all the tearing pieces
Maybe for today, I will survive
If I crawl, my heart won't rip off
So I crawl
So I crawl.
Copyright © Lyn Ngesh | Year Posted 2019
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