Dear Dad

I don't feel well at all I feel entangled in this chain of sadness and hopelessness And everyday I am drowning There is pain against my temples and chest I am constantly escaping Yet seated still The sight is quite amazing I do not want to talk to the parents You gave me My dad want me to be a veteran While my mum wants me to be wonder woman I want to be a memory A good memory But everyday I am losing grip of that Losing my appetite, concentration, faith and chastity I want to go home like yesterday I don't want to be alive Today and now How much longer before they can see through me How much longer before they know who I am what I am I am not that competent Not that smart Not that keen on details Dad, you know me If I quit now Where will I go I should have taken that stranger home He was probably my escape Now I sit here and wish We could start over I could nurse his wound and He could nurse my heart but what I am left here with a wounded heart and he is somewhere with an open wound what a distress I always think that today is the last day Tomorrow will be brighter right? Tomorrow comes and I can barely wake up I wake up with curse words in my mouth Why did I survive it Why did I not slip into oblivion in my sleep And I have to pull that mask, and fix it I am falling apart I am afraid when I can't hold it any longer I am afraid of this phase stretching out any longer I sit here with a needle and a thread Trying to hold together all the tearing pieces Maybe for today, I will survive If I crawl, my heart won't rip off So I crawl So I crawl.