Way back when she was young,
She never thought she would come this so far.
Pose after post, she always sticks out her tongue.
Then her smile twinkled like a humble star.
A mind full of ideas and exploration,
Fueled with infinite determination, excellence, and honor as they speak.
Her savant hands that make her unique,
And that's the birthday girl, Veronique.
I truly believe that I was only created, just to feel nothing but heartache darkness and gut wrenching unbearable pain and sadness only to be ing destroyed!!!!!!!!
I am an unbearable chaotic ing mess of dark demented unthinkable thoughts my thoughts make other people's nightmares look like muther ing sugar roses and God dam lollyingpops!!!!
And when this destructive horrendous darkness comes it pours through me turning everything dark sad and black
I'm going insane the pain I feel for him cuts through me like a ing knife to a ing vein.
Sometimes I think this horrible pain deep inside me is just a horrendous nightmare but then reality snaps back in and I realize I'm not asleep!!!
I am completely ing lost going insane with no ing hope of ever being ing ing found!!!!!!
I've been left for dead my heart he did rip ever ungentle out of my barely breathing ing chest my soul and spirit he did ing destroye
OH, ING WELL!!!
IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE GIVES A .
THERE IS A HORRIBLE UNBEARABLE PAIN IN MY CHEST WHERE MY HEART USE TO BE,
BEFORE HE STOLE IT AND ripped IT OUT OF ME!!!
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS
ORTEGA-ZELE (6-14-20)
I TURN TO DARKNESS...
When tensions in the mind push splinters through my soul And into strangers ears I pour my woes.. When grief and sorrow shudder thriough my walls. And whether all is lost I cannot tell When what is in or out i cannot figure out When fantasy and dream become confused. When spears of agony are felt to maim each cell. When sensibility is utterly bemused. . in whom am i to trust wills to fail For what is said was love a mere desire. Now pain and disappointment makes me week and frail; With torment know this lover was a liar. Then, having lost all other means to live, i turn to darkness where my consolation is. No more wanting to live...
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS
ORTEGA-ZELE (4-1-20)
After surviving a walk through fire there is little else that can burn around me for I am free and it is very hard to upset me for I've been to Hell and back and close to Heaven's doors as well there is very little in this life that surprises me you all think you can beat me but obviously you don't know me for I have seen things and experience things and done things that people can't even fathom within their worst of worst nightmares for this is my life the life I live the life that made me so go ahead and try me you will not succeed!!!!!!!!!
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS
ORTEGA-ZELE
MARCH 13,2020
In this dark cage of Lies,
I'm dangerously trapped inside.
The butterflies have flown away,
No longer does this soul sway.
Anger, Pains, Hatred,
Now my heart is left damaged.
Deception, Betrayal, Lies were thrust upon,
Still a mask of happiness I put on.
Agony, Depression, Insanity I try to hide,
All the blames are killing me inside.
Lying dead I stare at the gleaming stars,
Trapped inside my mind's prison bars.
By the chains of failure I'm suffocating,
Yet trying to cope up with pains so excruciating.
Do you know what happens when I'm insane ?
The Demon takes over my body and eats up my brain.
A Demon so vicious and crazy,
Harms this body till my soul gets hazy.
Trapped inside this body that doesn't reel,
Imprisoned here against my will.
No choice my own,
I see people they frown.
Drowning in a darkness of deep despair,
Believing the lies I hear,
And seeing truths not there.
Bring me to the surface,
Give me air to breathe so solace.
Let me see the morrow,
Upon my broken dreams so sorrow.
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS
ORTEGA-ZELE
(2-3-20)
BEHIND THE SMILE
Just another sinking tear
In this river full of pain
Racing fast to nowhere
A world that's gone insane
Forced to live without you
Teased by fool's romance
But it's alright you'll never know
I'm living dead but I don't show
Empty words and hollow eyes
Behind the smile I hide my lies
Everyone has the answer
None of them are right
The blind lead the blind
Pretending to have sight
Love is such a cruel illusion
A distracting fool's delight.
Handcuffed by our society
Scorned to a watery grave
Drowning in a sea of lonely
And too far gone to save...
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS
ORTEGA-ZELE
(2-1-20)
BEHIND THE SMILE
Just another sinking tear
In this river full of pain
Racing fast to nowhere
A world that's gone insane
Forced to live without you
Teased by fool's romance
But it's alright you'll never know
I'm living dead but I don't show
Empty words and hollow eyes
Behind the smile I hide my lies
Everyone has the answer
None of them are right
The blind lead the blind
Pretending to have sight
Love is such a cruel illusion
A distracting fool's delight.
Handcuffed by our society
Scorned to a watery grave
Drowning in a sea of lonely
And too far gone to save...
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS
ORTEGA-ZELE
(2-1-20)
Harsh words,
And violent blows,
Hidden secrets nobody Knows,
Eyes are open,
Hands are fisted.
Deep inside I'm Warped And Twisted.
So many tricks,
And so many lies.
Too many whens,
And too many whys.
Nobody's special,
Nobody's gifted.
I'm just me,
Warped and Twisted.
Sleeping awake
And choking on a dream,
Listening loudly to a silent Scream.
Call my mind,
The number's unlisted.
Lost in someone,
I'm so,
Warped and Twisted.
On my knees,
alive but Dead.
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone,
My mind has drifted.
Don't expect much,
I'm Warped and Twisted
Burnt out,
Wasted,
Empty,
And hollow.
Today's just yesterday's Tomorrow's.
The sun died out,
The ashes sifted
I'm still here,
Warped and Twisted...
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS ORTEGA-ZELE (1-30-20)
The day you died you took me with you,
The way you lied shook me black and blue.
The sorrow you felt, I sure felt it too,
Are tomorrow dreams won’t come true.
All the good hello's turned into dying goodbye's,
All the sorrows burned holes into my dying eyes.
You thought you were so sly, but I always knew,
You fought so hard to die and knew I needed you.
Depressing mornings and nights of pure hell,
Horrible memories and unforgettable images,
Of the night which you fell.
Deprivation of your soul saving wonder,
Trepidation of your whole wavering thunder.
Heavy-hearted moments will forever be burned with in my darkened weeping soul.
Broken-hearted and left in this cruel world all alone.
Unheard thoughts engraved in my ugly soul,
I feel as if I'm loosing all control.
Forgiveness with a burden,
Forever i will hold.
Bleeding and burning and
living and dying....
Needing and turning and
giving and crying....
I try to smile but I'm afraid I've forgotten how,
Even in my dreams the angels they do weep...
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS
ORTEGA-ZELE (1-29-20)
I often find myself alone,
In dark thoughts of my grey tombstone-
I am silent in my own dark solitude,
Drowning in my own loneliness,
The spirits of the dead,
Who stood in life before me,
Are again in death.
I feel there presents surrounding me,
Their shadows overtaking me,
I need not be still,
For i am not alone now in my deep dark misery,
My own personal ing hell...
The dark of night creeping apon me,
The stars above so bright,
As they give light to where my body has been put to rest,
Six feet under the ground.
Are the Angels above me,
Looking down apon me???
Will they cast out all these demons with in me???
Will they take me to the heavens above me?
Or will i sink deeper and deeper into my own lonely dark personal ing hell???
BY: SHANTAE PAPPACOSTAS
ORTEGA-ZELE (7-22-19)
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