shhhh...please don't tell Jan I tattled on her.
Did you hear 'bout Jan's custard a-la-plum
While making it she drank far too much rum
while on her wobbly legs
put mustard in the eggs
It was wretched and tasted like pond scum
Her hubby asked her for a large serving
But the rum made Jan wiggle while swerving
'Twas a messy mishap
She dropped it on his lap
Jan laughed but hubby found it unnerving
He asked why she thought that was so funny
Jan sipped more rum then said, "Sorry, honey"
She sat upon the floor
and drank a few gulps more
then slurred, "It wath a smidgeon too runny"
Categories:
wath, drink, silly,
Form: Limerick
When I wath born the doctor thaid
"Oh dear I dropped him on hith head"
My family thued and we were rich
Becauthe I have thith thtubborn lithp
Dethpite it all I wathn't thy
Jutht an ordinary guy
In fact the girlth all thought it cool
I wath a heart throb at our thchool
I have a quite thucceththful life
A houthe, a job, a gorgeouth wife
A ruthtic cabin in the wild
And a lovely little child
When thhe wath born I did inthitht
To be on hand and to aththitht
For I wath filled with angtht and dread
That thhe might land upon her head
And when thhe thlithered into view
I wiped my brow and murmured "phew"
But when they handed me my lathth
I thlipped and dropped her on her athth
Categories:
wath, humorous,
Form: Couplet
GEOLOGICAL HUMOUR
A geologist respondent called Smith
Answered the newspaper job-list herewith
“Man wanted as a field geologist” with
Great skill at at finding a batholith
Or sometimes an occasional laccolith.
But his geologic skill was only a myth.
Unlike my geologic kin and kith,
Instead of being a man, she wath a mith -
Ath I dithcovered when she gave me a kith.
Categories:
wath, funny
Form: Monorhyme
I ONLY SPEAK SECOND-RATE SPANISH
I didn’t say it then, but I can say it now -
I can say many things in many languages, and how!
English, Russian, French and the lovely Spanish tongue.
First one I started with, when I was young,
Was Spanish - learned in The States and
Obviously Mexican Spanish, perfectly at hand
For communicating with half a billion who likewise speak,
If in Latin America and over world you seek.
I chanced to meet a long-lost acquaintance,
A snobbish woman of little real substance,
Who spoke Spanish and we practised our learned word.
Oh, she says, you speak only Mexican Spanish. She demurred
- Not real Spanish………
Actually what she thaid wath, “You thpeak Mekthican Thpanish”
Real Thpanish ith called Cathtellano……
You would not be underthtood in Thpain, oh no!”
I obviously disappointed her with my inferior ability
She certainly disappointed me with her snobbery.
Now I can say that speaking Spanish is a pleasure
But thpeaking Thpanish is a torture.
The people of Thpain will have to be denied my voice
But the billion others may hear its song and joys.
Categories:
wath, funny
Form: Couplet