“Students make delicious treats for seniors”
What a sacrifice those students are making
It warms the cockles of this old man's heart
Such a sweet and unselfish undertaking
“Teen pregnancies drop off after twenty-five”
Well, I certainly would hope that's the case
That's a dirty big family in any man's language
For the beds, you'd soon run out of space
“Veterinarians take over as panda mating fails”
Okay, now I've got this strange mental picture
It's definitely X-rated if you ask this old guy
I mean really, we should show some respect
“Stiff opposition expected to casket proposal”
It's kind of what you would probably expect
Given the condition of the deceased inside
I mean really, we should show some respect
“Head of African country seeks arms”
Wow! Just a head and a couple of arms
What a weird sight that would turn out to be
Most people would sure be alarmed
“Studies have shown that obesity rubs off”
Well, if that's the case, I'll be a-rubbing
Every day and night till my skin turns raw
Till I get back my happy old zing!
At first I thought that we humans have it much better than our pets
because we have many different types of doctors
that know how to treat all our growing old aches and pains.
Then I remembered that our dogs and cats have doctors too
who treat the same elderly problems.
Then I was logically forced to recognize a difference;
our pets can’t use the telephone to make an appointment
and can’t drive to the emergency room
and can’t schedule regular checkups with a specialist.
All they can do is sit on our laps
and hope for the best.
Then common sense forced me to think
about the difference between being domesticated and being wild
and I started to feel bad for all the wild monkeys
that got sick during the day or at night.
They couldn‘t get medical support, they were wild!
Then I thought about camels and pigs and chickens
that could get medical support, they were domesticated!
Then I started to wonder about horses and goats and cows
and started to contemplate how veterinarians and groomers
get involved in determining the direction of their health.
That’s when I thought about a name tag titled Zoologist.
Why don't they call veterinarians, dogtors
And why don't they call a bunch of people, mobsters
Who created these words
Methinks some are for the birds
As much sense as calling a newborn a creepy crawler
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