I had my covid 19 test today
Twas uncomfy that’s all I will say
Swabbed my throat then my nose
Nose was clean there’s no crows*
I’m happy that it’s out the way
Need another test at the weekend
Then it’s quarantine time I must spend
Till they put me to sleep
I hope the sleep is deep
With a camera shoved up my rear end!
Crows* is a term we used for bogies when I was growing up in Derby
Got a colonoscopy next Tuesday ...so expect more poop poems!
07/02/20
Categories:
uncomfy, health, humorous,
Form: Limerick
The usual tat overflows on the shelves
Such items we’d never buy for ourselves
Chocolate hearts wrapped in shiny red plastic
At a seven pounds each the prices are drastic!
A fluffy teddy bear that’s clutching a heart
It reads ‘Darling I love you, we’ll never part’
Sexy underwear that’s so uncomfy to wear
With so little fabric you’re practically bare!
Deep in his wallet a man has to delve
For single red roses or bouquets of twelve
The shop keepers know that men have to buy
So on Valentine's Day the price goes sky high
The price of love escalates just on one day....
I'm a Valentine's cynic that's all I will say!
Inspired after seeing half price Valentine's 'tat' in the shops today!
2/17/18
Categories:
uncomfy, humorous, money, satire, valentines
Form: Rhyme
We were invited to a party; the theme was tarts and vicars
Though I better get in the part and get some skimpy knickers
Well I can’t go out in my ‘Bridget Jones’ drawers
If I give them a flash I wouldn't get any applause
So it’s off to the lingerie store to do some stopping
Won’t take my hubby or his eyes would be a popping
The shop had knickers of every colour shape and size -
Selection was enormous, I couldn't believe my eyes
In the end I chose a beautiful lacy pink thong
It fitted so snugly what could go wrong
Back home to change then off to the party we did go
When we arrived the party was in full flow
Everyone was in character – but then I heard a ‘vicar’ swear
People started pointing could they see my skimpy underwear?
I began to feel embarrassed, feel really uncomfy
Then I discovered what the others could see
Skirt tangled in the thong - at my almost naked butt they could peek
It was time to turn on my heels and turn the other cheek!
A TOTALLY FICTITIOUS POEM
WRITTEN ESPECIALLY FOR JUDY KONOS
Entered in Whats The Big Idea Contest - idea for a new contest is to write about embarrassing moments - fact or fiction
17TH May 2015
Categories:
uncomfy, humorous,
Form: Rhyme
Four legs and a plank of wood,
soft springs and metal rings,
lay lonely confused in thought!
Mood so low,
Walls closing in;
so uncomfy, so tense, so lonely.
Locked alone;
Window open, breeze blowing through,
cold is coming, chill is setting in.
Darkness falls
The blanket is pulled;
blood starts to warm,the wood...
No longer so frosty
till...
The curtain falls
Moonlight shining through
the cold remains,
Room blue in reflection.
Time passes, blood turns blue.
The legs they are gone,
the door begins to close.
From the start in the womb,
to resting in the tomb.
Death is waiting!
Categories:
uncomfy, death,
Form: I do not know?