I wish it was harder for me to forgive you
I hate the way I still think of you so fondly
you left me grasping at straws while you had let go
was I just to pass the time and nothing more?
I reminisce the time when we were something
you were everything to me, but to you I was temporary
you killed me with your words
I cant take it anymore
I kneel down to tie your loose laces, you left mine undone
the roses I got for you wilted, would you plant some for me?
I try to sleep to the memories of you laying on my chest
the same chest you seeped your hand into and stole from
my reflection of you has shattered, my hands bleed trying to repair it
does this mean you wont tend to my cuts because you don't want to expose yours
you leave me here to die, cover up your tracks
you tell me we're just friends, nothing more than that
your arms were my tourniquet
now I feel myself slowly bleeding out
my memories are fading
I hope you get everything you want once I have forgotten you
do you think of me as much as I think of you?
My memory endures a tourniquet
as it tries to forget, while holding blood.
It used to sport a bouquet
as it tried so hard to boast.
Bouquet becomes tourniquet.
A flow is held.
A part of me is throttled, my throat is squeezed.
It wants to loosen - but strangles.
Some things will not release.
Eyes will gawp, try to pop.
Memory can cause so much pain.
That tourniquet that holds so much.
(4 May 2003)
Bleed inside of me
Hand me a tourniquet…please
Will it all away…
Fears and woes drown me
How could this be so, honey?
Give in to your pain
You hold up a tainted tourniquet
As I fall on my knees
and pray...pray...
FOR FORGIVENESS of sins
And past guilt and remorse...
piercing me like sharp pins
And things are getting outtah course...
Things are looking worse
My wounds...ooze with blood and it's...
GROSS! O'cowrse!
My anguish...my sores...my gashes...are taking over me...
and I'm throwing tantrums and fits
And I'm screaming...
wailing...
Dreaming...
waiting...
praying for long-term, ravishing relief
To take away my endless, aching grief
Grab a hold of me as quickly as you can
Please make sure your grip is tight more than its ever been
The key to my survival, You're the chance I have to live
You are my giant tourniquet
You hold what I can't give.
And anytime I feel the urge to empty out my life
The pressure of your presence let's me know that I'm alright
My joy is only compromised by lack of guiding light
So when its dark I guide my walk by looking in your eyes
I wish this scene were not just played on repeat in my head
I wish my gaze could be returned so I am not in debt
I've used you as my building block
I've used you as my rock
I only hope you see all this as more than merely thought.
This pace is intoxicating.
Here comes the pain
With a rush of blood to the head.
Here comes an unforgettable drive,
Pushing me and this space beyond limits.
Here comes the piercing wound
With the torn edges and shattered hearts.
Here comes an open mouth,
Hungry for anything remotely tempting.
Here comes a mind numbing strength,
Leaving me captivated and curious.
Here comes an empty sigh followed by a stare of desperation,
Turning me into a pillar of salt.
Here comes our dredged atmosphere,
Watching us duck with sheepish shame.
Now finally,
The dreamer’s handcuffs and
The realist’s metal bars.
Now with a closed mouth and opened eyes,
This place is intoxicating.
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