many girls at thirteen want to be seen as unique
declared amazing in their attributes
appreciated for their individuality
then Susie wears a polka-dotted frog hat with roaming eyes
six roaming eyed frog hats are purchased the next day
Jenny brings her salamander in to show him off.
the pet store has a rush on salamanders two days later
girls at thirteen are often highly suggestible.
professing they want to be totally unique
unlike everyone else, and yet,
striving to be exactly the same as girls they admire
thirteen is a year of confusion
where peer pressure pack mentality often trumps individuality
What I thought was my first ray of sunshine-
Was actually an incapacitating beam.
As They rambled on.
Ignoring me.
Hey, I’m over here!
Why take me?
Why take ME?
When all you do is let me flail around.
With my broken eyes and suggestible heart.
A heart that listens to the whispers.
That talk about anything but me.
Well anyway-
Thanks for letting me live.
I guess it seems you’re done with me.
I hope no one missed me while I was gone.
I hope someone missed me while I was gone...
Suggestible me
I had ended up in a country with a strange pub culture
and obsession with the class which I found restrictive.
No posh pubs if the working class and not slumming it
if you were middle class, and the rich lived in Bermuda.
I was full of terror and uncertainty this world was
not of my liking to get through the day I drank a lot
mainly at home or in the park.
My new wife said I was an alcoholic and a nice man
from AA came and took me to a meeting where people
sat around a table talking about themselves and how much
they had suffered, while I am just getting out, was a full
of the terror of agoraphobia.
I suddenly had many friends, but they were mates only
as long as I went to their meeting, that over time became
repetitive like reading the same book a hundred times.
I stopped going to their gatherings went to the library instead
and spent happy days reading, but lost my friends.
Finally, after a nervous breakdown, I got much help from
a psychologist to confront my fears.
But I was never at ease in this country I left and is blessed
in Portugal where no one knows my name.
Cant seem to establish a grip
Business management slip
Psychology debased
No thought holds inspiring fate
All nimble thumb blame games poisoining
This suggestible day
Then amid smoke stacks and foggy mirrors
The coil of regret burns away
Time is slipping
Where has family been all these years
What have i been doing in this choatic mess
Where might it lead
Each suggestible day burning, bleeding
What to do with anger and hate
This frozen identification leaving
Where to go
I already know
Memory is fading
just a stutter of images that could of been reminders
reminders of lengths of hair and color
shape of body and stance
little hints of voices and laughter
all gathering to form a blank
Only questions are brought up
to mention her
Do you know why she left?
Did you leave her?
Did she forget?
Or she thought we'd forget her?
Simple actions make me want to unlock
All the questions I stopped from asking
All the frustrations I have blocked
All the things that could of happened
if she would of stayed
and hadn't walked
And when I see lost Little girls
searching for others
I stand up behind them
straighten their backs
whisper an aggressive suggestible tack
Don't turn around
she won't be there
keep on going
Your life is still here