Enough of this silliness, this one's more serious
What am I saying, I'm becoming delirious
Best see a doctor, got a strange kind of malady
Hope it's not going to affect my mortality
Now let's not be silly, it's just a wee glitch
Be back with the sillies, though I'm starting to twitch
What if my serious side has turned off for good
Whenever I try, I'll smell burning wood
A chill just came over my Adonis-like body
I shudder and shake and start thinking naughty
Okay I promise to try a couple more times
Not promising nuttin', from this very strange mind
Last vestiges of a smile I've tried to erase
Are you buying my attempt to convince you I've changed
You're not buying it, still think I'm deranged?
To convince you, here's my medical report
“Cured of the sillies, but needs your support!”
Enough of this silliness, this one's more serious
What am I saying, I'm becoming delirious
Best see a doctor, got a strange kind of malady
Hope it's not going to affect my mortality
Now let's not be silly, it's just a wee glitch
Be back with the sillies, though I'm starting to twitch
What if my serious side has turned off for good
Whenever I try, I'll smell burning wood
A chill just came over my Adonis-like body
I shudder and shake and start thinking naughty
Okay I promise to try a couple more times
Not promising nuttin', from this very strange mind
Last vestiges of a smile I've tried to erase
Are you buying my attempt to convince you I've changed
You're not buying it, still think I'm deranged?
To convince you, here's my medical report
“Cured of the sillies, but needs your support!”
Enough is enough of this serious stuff
The sillies are where I belong
Here's something to ponder, my friends
Why is the word 'abbreviation' so long
I don't usually have to think twice
Before giving it a second thought
You're schizophrenic? That makes four of us
Skydiving is good to the last drop
Have you heard that gravity is a myth
It's earth that really sucks
Did you know old people have a secret
That secret is known as luck
One more then I really must go my friends
Why do camels have two humps
The second is for storage during long trips
So that's twice in the hot sun
Put your hands up those who want more sillies
Counted six thousand, one hundred and forty
Seems like a bunch of you still like to giggle
Be assured, more's coming up shortly
First one, how does one make holy water?
That's easy, you boil the hell out of it
That's really quite funny and extremely clever
A copyright I've got in my mitts
They say nobody is perfect, well I'm a nobody
So it follows I must be perfect
If four out of five suffer from diarrhea
Must mean one person enjoys it's effects
A computer once actually beat me at chess
But it's no match for me at kick boxing
Beat the poop out of that annoying computer
Other laptops thought it was shocking
I say no to alcohol, but it just doesn't listen
That's the silliest thing I've ever heard
Whenever I talk quietly to my Bloody Caesar
It answers, “you are totally absurd!”
Whad'ya call a boomerang that won't come back
I guess I'd just call it a stick
What do you give a woman who has it all
Your phone number of course, Mr. Slick
Put your hands up those who want more sillies
Counted six thousand, one hundred and forty
Seems like a bunch of you still like to giggle
Be assured, more's coming up shortly
First one, how does one make holy water?
That's easy, you boil the hell out of it
That's really quite funny and extremely clever
A copyright I've got in my mitts
They say nobody's perfect, well I'm a nobody
So it follows I must be perfect
If four out of five suffer from diarrhea
Must mean one person enjoys it's effects
A computer once actually beat me at chess
But it's no match for me at kick boxing
Beat the poop out of that annoying computer
Other laptops thought it was shocking
I say no to alcohol, but it just doesn't listen
That's the silliest thing I've ever heard
Whenever I talk quietly to a Bloody Caesar
It answers, “you are totally absurd!”
Whad'ya call a boomerang that won't come back
I guess I'd just call it a stick
What do you give a woman who has it all
Your phone number of course, Mr. Slick
Our town of Newmarket is alive with kooks
Evidence is the number of sillies and spooks
Unusual to be sure
In our brochure
An image of Goofy in a warm wooly tuque
Why does our nose smell and our feet run?
Methinks the answer could be kinky
If Mother Nature chose the other way round
It sure would be messy and stinky
Here's something you should never ever do
Don't make fun of a paleontologist
Bet you're wondering why, you bright people
Coz surely you'll get Jurasskicked
What did the banana say to the doctor?
“I'm not peeling well today”
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
Apparently he pasta way!
Two drunks in a bar, one says to the other
“Isn't that Hortense over there?”
The other says she looks pretty calm to me
Saw her knickers, try not to stare
When a midget fortune teller escapes from jail
It's called a small medium at large
Was laughing so hard, nearly soiled my knickers
That surely gave me a good charge
The difference between pea soup and roast beef
Obviously you can't pee soup
But roasting beef is really quite common
Now hang in there until the next group
© Jack Ellison 2015
Put your hands up those who want more sillies
Counted six thousand, one hundred and forty
Seems like a bunch of you still like to giggle
Be assured, more's coming up shortly
First one, how does one make holy water?
That's easy, you boil the hell out of it
That's really quite funny and extremely clever
A copyright I've got in my mitts
They say nobody is perfect, well I'm a nobody
So it follows I must be perfect
If four out of five suffer from diarrhea
Must mean one person enjoys it's effects
A computer once actually beat me at chess
But it's no match for me at kick boxing
Beat the poop out of that annoying computer
Other laptops thought it was shocking
I say no to alcohol, but it just doesn't listen
That's the silliest thing I've ever heard
Whenever I talk quietly to my Bloody Caesar
It answers, “you are totally absurd!”
Whad'ya call a boomerang that won't come back
I guess I'd just call it a stick
What do you give a woman who has it all
Your phone number of course, Mr. Slick
© Jack Ellison 2015
Enough of this silliness, this one's more serious
What am I saying, I'm becoming delirious
Best see a doctor, got a strange kind of malady
Hope it's not going to affect my mortality
Now let's not be silly, it's just a wee glitch
Be back with the sillies, though I'm starting to twitch
What if my serious side has turned off for good
Whenever I try, I'll smell burning wood
A chill just came over my Adonis-like body
I shudder and shake and start thinking naughty
Okay I promise to try a couple more times
Not promising nuttin', from this very strange mind
Last vestiges of a smile I've tried to erase
Solemn and serious taking over my face
Are you buying my attempt to convince you I've changed
You're not buying it, still think I'm deranged?
To convince you, here's my medical report
“Cured of the sillies, but needs your support!”
© Jack Ellison 2015
A skeleton walks into a bar and says
“Gimme a beer and a mop”
Show me where Joseph Stalin is buried
And I'll show you a communist plot
My masseuse rubbed me the wrong way again
Fired her though she had good skills
A duck in a bar orders a couple of beers
Says, “Just put it on my bill”
About seven million people are overweight
These, of course, are round figures
Where would you find giant snails I ask
On the ends of a giant's fingers
Studied over four years to become a doctor
But I didn't have any patience
A Buddhist refused Novocain from his dentist
To transcend dental medication
Had a job working in an orange juice factory
Got canned 'cause I couldn't concentrate
Also worked for a pool maintenance company
Too draining so getting fired was my fate
Thought I'd try working as a tailor a while back
But the job wasn't suited for me
Can you please tell me the purpose of reindeer
It makes the grass grow, my sweetie
Enough is enough so until next time we meet
Thanks for your indulgence once more
I will definitely want your honest critique
But please be gentle, I implore
© Jack Ellison 2014
So here I go, back to the sillies
Jumping in with both my footsies
Clear the decks, full steam ahead
Hope I don't hurt my tootsies!
The world's my oyster as they say
I don't like that incantation
Think I'll use another term
Like the world is my crustacean!
I'm just as happy as a pig in poop
Have you never heard that before?
It's really an absolute favourite of mine
Going to use it a whole lot more!
Never know what's coming out
I just hope and pray that it's clean
Don't wanna get kicked off the lovely site
For something that's really obscene!
Which came first, the chicken or egg?
Bet you don't even have a clue
So you're not the brightest bulb in the pack
Did you ever get past grade two?
Okay! Enough of this silly nonsense
I must go lie down for a while
My oversized brain is hurting real bad
Need to get back my radiant smile!
© Jack Ellison 2013
Lovely plummage....
This parrot is dead!!!
What's up inside my head?
I think my brain has bled,
Or of simple sense, not fed
How can I defend myself...
If my brain is on a shelf,
Unused, untasked, unread,
That brain is little more than dead,
So you prevail yet once more, again
From your lofty mental den,
As I do crawl away,
Hoping sometime will come my day.
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