Trapped in the past, I bring it to the present
The chemicals mutate inside of me
I’m moving backwards to the sea and sand,
According to the fate I cannot flee
The little problem hides in mutual recognition
Our ignorance is woven into stilled
Bleak tapestry, but I revise the late edition
Untangling the decrepit threads, I’m thrilled
To tell you, love, that we’ll be here one day
But to rejoin our paths from present seems a bit
Unrealistic, so I’m working out the way
As it was stitched, and it’ll be a perfect fit.
For decades my friend and I were two peas in a pod.
Now it feels like those two peas grew into different species
I still want to be friendly neighbors in the same garden.
I’m about to sever business ties to protect my roots.
I’ve been through much worse I keep telling me.
I’ve lost so many people in my life but this is different.
I’m pushing someone away versus losing grip.
In the long run I pray I’m making the best season change.
Plants like people need to grow.
Sometimes they need separate plots.
Maybe one day we’ll rejoin at the hip.
But for now, I need to simply detach.
One day beyond mourning, a new sun to shine
a promise remade — not a cloud in the sky
One day beyond mourning, your spirit still warm
your flesh now at rest — on the hill past the barn
One day beyond mourning, the bed sheets unfold
your shadow uncovered — a gift mine to hold
One day beyond mourning, the sun in my eyes
new words in my heart — a mockingbird cries
One day beyond mourning, my soul free to roam
your paintings surround me — among them I’m home
One day beyond mourning, I walk to the field
our blanket still hanging — the oak that concealed
One day beyond mourning, I reset my sights
the day I’ll rejoin you — that heavenly flight
One day beyond mourning, all grief broken free
my name on the wind — as you call out to me
(Villanova Pennsylvania: September, 2016)
The grass seems greener on the other side, so we sometimes forget that the Lord will provide. We step away from the safety we receive so we step into danger and then we start to grieve. The wolf hides among us and we naively don't see the snare, until we're caught up in the unknown trap, with no help anywhere. We're blessed to have a Shepard to leave the flock behind and go searching for the lost ones to rejoin the ninety-nine. Sometimes each of us stumbles and sometimes each of us strays, but our Shepard is a faithful one and seeks us out always. The grass seems oh so pleasant when we are not satisfied, when we're carried away by stubbornness and blinded by our pride. But the grass is never as good as we think, for it is all the same, and looks can be deceiving, it's part of life's cruel game. So let's stick close to our Shepard, contented and not stressed. We'll lie down in peace and comfort and in safety we will rest.
I know I should be extremely grateful
For God's gift of life
But I have no life at all
Trapped like a rat
Behind four foreboding walls
No one rings
And no one calls
Trapped on an isolated uncharted island
Miles from home
Knife in my heart
Always alone
Sleep my only friend and escape
From harsh reality
Drifting off to adventures
Lost in a fantasy
As the light dwindles
getting ever closer
To draw into night
I feel lost
And wasted so much of my life
I can't turn back the clock now
But the guilt is still there
Like a ball and chain
Never touch the leaves on a tree
Feel fresh air breath on my face
Or rejoin the humanrace
Never kiss again
And enjoy the taste
Only in imagination
And the landscapes of my dreams
Sometimes I wish I could just drift off
And never awake
Again.
your not welcome as a fool
leave it to laissez faire
You not guilty playing up
culpable in other words
we all rejoin someday
A surrender in other words
Try and be cool
think it over
before you leave
after you understand
the dining hall is half empty
because it is friday - shabbat
and good jews light candles at home
not such a good jew i am out
with my female friend both of us
dressed for the late winter evening
conversation is light, muted
mostly about the eggplant dish
i'm having or calimari
my elegant friend is having
while the wizened broad in the back
plays dulcet tones on the steinway
my mind drifts from the idle talk
as i think how at such a place
with the white tablecloths
quiet music and low lighting
they shot dead rosie rosenthal
when he stepped outside for a smoke
i half expect to get shot too
when at length the dinner concludes
and we rejoin the chilly night
with near regret i note i'm not
for they'd recall me like rosie
and i'd not wake up still alone
I sit alone on a dark, lonely night
As tranquil moments gently enfold me
Gazing at stars sprinkling the sky so bright
As my dreams float upwards and become free
Wishes on angel’s wings so lovingly kept
As my love and I live in worlds apart
Twinkling stardust on my desires not met
So much hollowness and pain in my heart
I yearn for the radiance of your smile
As you caress me with your soothing touch
Pray take my hand for a heavenly while
Fleeting moments that I capture to clutch
Deep valleys within flood with much sorrow
Swept along with past memories my love
A prayer cast for a bright tomorrow
As I wish and look to the stars above
Up, up into the blackness of the night
As if by the heavens a message sent
Crystal cut stars shooting and sprinkling light
A sanguine thought floats down on descent
If tonight you feel me dreaming nearby
We rejoin once more sharing the same sky
It's okay to say out loud that you are God,
for there is no we.
You may however be vilified or stoned to death!
Now that you have realized this truth
it's okay to fall back into the illusion;
that thought matrix of our collective agreements.
However you are not more holy or more enlightened
than any higher ape or dog.
You just know that there is only you,
only One Consciousness.
Then you can rejoin the illusion of 'we'
make it your playground,
get happy or sad about all the stuff
everyone else gets happy or sad about.
When you are truly alone
you will know you are not alone
for you do not exist
in any ultimate sense.
So it’s okay to know that you are God,
God experiencing you
and that is quite a cool thing to know
isn't it?
If you break into laughter, I won’t join,
Facing us right now the need to hands join
And, fast, stripped body cover up to loin;
Neater clothes to fetch for the man’s bared groin
And no less veil for his wife’s announced loin…
Perhaps you want them to Adam rejoin
Or right there as wedded couple conjoin!
Mad beggars – yes – for as cheap as a coin:
But which shop picks from filthy hand a coin
And which food seller attends to leaked groin?
Then it’s a much fake concern: your tossed coin
Unless a cool, thousand of it you join
Aromatic alleviation that you need;
the secret to having anything succeed?
A blanket fort and peppermint pillow mote;
Sea of calm spiked with crimson passion;
If you get high on imagination?
That’s the turnkey to get inside;
I dare you to try and break the fire wall
if there’s nothing of childhood you recall;
Forever locked outside your psyche;
Fragrant aroma that allows you to breathe
free to rejoin what lies underneath;
Inhale exhale, roll back in time.
sitting on a bench at the battery
listening to forgotten free jazz
on the most perfectly created sunny, blue sky day
fliritng with an older lady
watching her figure in a very comforting amazement
focusing back on said free jazz as her husband returns from the bathroom to rejoin her
feeling lonely for a little bit
then the old Chicano soul kicks in
the water recaptures my attention,
and i return to enjoying my wonderful day on a bench at the battery
She remembered where she’d met Jerry.
It had been on a moving ferry,
She journeying to rejoin Kerry,
With whom life was mostly merry.
But Kerry Gangsters would soon bury,
Seal it and there shan’t be Query!
He had their rules broken with Terry;
A loss and she’d kept drinking Perry
And on Not-Stewed Rice: Beri-Beri…
No more appetite for Sweet Cherry
And rather little for Loved Berry…
Jerry could never be Nice Kerry:
One-Thousand-Times A Cheating Lover,
Though, she’d caught him not: Good Cover,
Falsely claiming being often busy
And that Life has not been quite easy...
From Killed Kerry to Cheating Jerry;
She’d continue to curse that ferry!
Invert polarity
of mind-body with space,
that subject-object merge
in singularity,
giving rise to bliss surge.
Invert polarity
of fears and dark desires,
two sides of the same coin,
rooted in attachments ~
let’s with silence rejoin.
Invert polarity
by going in, within,
in thought rested stillness,
simply by letting go,
entwining with oneness.
Invert polarity,
by ceasing to resist,
making our heart porous,
receptive to God’s love,
felt as a bliss torus.
21-June-2022
(Many with genuine reasons)
‘Oh Wino Wino’
The ignorant everyday sing to him
a truer song they never did render,
his evolving habit is all he has to
leave to this his tedious world
reckons he’ll be dead before autumn.
On a moonless hot January night
upon the great southern freeway,
tragedy took away his wife and child
leaving him only torn memories of why.
To ease the pain of each existing day
the bottle contents his constant friend
now proves false, the turncoat's stab
cut deep when the numbness reawakes,
with every swig he curses this persecutor
yet adds credence to his anticipation,
it will aid him rejoin his love ones
those taken to a heavenly salvation.
© Harry J Horsman 2022
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