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Undiagnosed
Nothing to hold, yet
Everything--withheld
Strained by light, becoming a shadow, hiding in that shell
Crawling in the dream a brief reality
Hell no I said
I laugh because it's funny, you know?
But for some reason unknown to me
I'm emotionally stuck! Hahahaha
To think of myself tangled in the branches of a tree
Named Strange Feelings of Questionable Origin
SFQO, do you read me? I'm lost in this barren land!
...no answer. Silly me, who in their right mind thinks that a tree can communicate with a human?
Maybe I'm not human at all.
Or maybe I'm too human to live like this
I feel passive and external
Awkward like some turtle
I use emotion as a mask
And my body as a shell
My mind is like a boomerang, a switchblade pendulum.
---Yes I'm bipolar, mom
Sorry not sorry
Please don't do that, I hate it when you cry.
I dreamt once that I was dead. Not like dead as in dead, but like nonexistent.
I always wondered what it felt to be an unbeing.
But I felt so free. Empty but full of potential! Warm and cold and feeling alright!
No escape lasts.
I climbed down the imagined ladder
Back to the blessed surface of earth and all its glory. The sun was shining
I turned on my side to sleep,
But it turns out
I don't know how to keep myself from getting up despite
My heavy eyelids.
If only my conscience were as heavy and tangible.
Copyright ©
Mutsuki Imai
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