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Lemming
I never felt I was a fool, always quick to sniff out a scam
or pick out a problematic part of an argument during a debate
I never considered myself a conformist
a fan of music, shows, and movies
that were twenty or more years out of date
Wearing whatever I wished even though it wasn’t in fashion
I had a passion for anything that was different
from what everyone else was doing
never comfortable following the crowd
Leaving the lemmings to leap off their cliffs as I made my own way
forged my own path, though it was a lonely and loveless journey
with no footsteps to follow, no way to know which direction to go
Now I look back on those days in dismay
the truth finally dawning on me far too late
I was never really the rebel I believed myself to be
They would laugh as they told me I was safe to walk alone at night
for I had no reason to fear being raped because I was too ugly
I could never become a star of stage and screen
That was all a pipe dream
for my teeth weren’t quite straight
I was somewhat overweight (though I barely ate)
my shoulders too broad, my hips too wide
my skin too pale, my hair fine and thin
I’d never be allowed in the door to audition
a single glance and they'd send me away
unless they were searching for someone to play the part of a dog
I was destined to fail if I dared to try
Even my mother would say such things so it had to be true
If everyone tells you your house is on fire
logic would say it’s unlikely they’re lying to you
Every morning when I examined myself in the mirror
my mind would repeat every word that they'd said
back to me inside my head but in my own voice
Trashing me was the in thing to do so I did it too
Where would I be today if I’d heard anyone say
“I believe in you”
Copyright ©
Angela Douglas
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