Why I Don't Trust Psychics - 3rd THIRD
NOTE: This is the final THIRD of a funny 3-part poem. You'll find the 1st and 2nd parts on my homepage, of course. I hope you'll take the time to read the whole thing, it's a pretty wild piece. File size limitation on PoetrySoup forced me to post it in 1/3s - sorry about that.
“After briefly chowing down, we found a small motel and Voodoo promptly slithered off to find the room she’d taken.
This was when the awful nightmare Corky’s had to struggle with started to - materialize! As she would awaken,
“Corky’s intuition told her - ‘better check on Vera’. She called the desk and asked the lady which room she was in.
‘Well she checked out three hours ago, at least,’ the girl replied...and Corky suddenly realized that - she’d been had - again!
“‘People from the trucking place brought her out a semi! Biggest truck I’ve ever seen...I think she headed south.’
‘I’m sure the clerk was wondering why’ -- Corky reminisced -- ‘she prob’ly could ‘ve easily fit a softball in my mouth!’
“Twenty minutes later Corky fired up her van, then headed down the highway - south - hoping, if she sped,
She’d catch a break and spot her, if she’d stayed on 64, heading for the pile of gold that once belonged to Ned.
“Just outside of Hiawassee, powering up an incline, Vera’s rig came into sight as Corky closed the gap.
She strategized to lie behind and let her lead the way to what they both were searching for, then suddenly - spring the trap -
“But pinned between a couple buses, Corky missed the turn-off that Vera must have taken ‘cause she’d literally - disappeared!
Running back and forth in terror - checking every road - she realized she was going through precisely what she’d feared.
“Somewhere, in those evergreens, psychic Voodoo Vera, was closing in on what she had no right to call her own,
And making matters even worse - minus Corky’s séance - there ain’t no way in hell she coulda found it on her own!
“All fired up to fin’ly know, one way or the other, whether Vera’d found the gold, she formed herself a plan.
She drove to where she’d seen her last, before she’d made her turn, and - well concealed behind some trees - she carefully backed her van
“Deep inside the underbrush - where Vera’d never spot her, once she’d loaded all the gold and headed out for home.
She always kept some blankets and a pillow in the rear, plus a 3 foot wide by 6 foot long expanse of 4 inch foam.
“Unless she takes a different route, Vera’s got to pass here - Corky claims she speculated - praying she was right.
I’ll case this highway every day from dawn to dusk, she vowed, and utilize my dash-cam when I need to sleep at night.
“Best thing I can do for now is let her find the treasure, then load it up and run it back to western Illinois.
The only thing she’d not addressed was - how she’d get her meals - but with her cell phone fully charged, she’d iron out her ploy.
“Googling up the nearby joints that offered free delivery, she ordered up a pizza for her meal at half past one.
The guy who took her order asked, ‘So where’s this pizza going?,’ and when he told her where she was meant a forty mile run,
“Fifteen miles further than their “free-delivery” went, she answered...‘I’ll be out by the overpass…standing in the ditch!
I’m tryin’ to catch the most disgusting woman in the world who claims to be a psychic, but, the fact is...she’s a witch!
“‘I’m conducting a stakeout, and I simply can’t drive in. I may be calling every day, the cost is no big deal.
I’m going to have to stay here ‘til that lyin’ ***** appears, even if it costs me fifty bucks for every meal!
“Fin’ly, six days later, after wilting tons of foliage, Corky spotted, in the distance, Vera’s well-marked rig.
Lumbering down the highway at a less than break-neck speed, she noticed that the bottoms of her tires were extra big.
“Obviously she was carrying what could only be the gold, and, waiting ‘til she’d passed her by, she roared out to the road,
Staying well behind her, thinking - if I do this right - somewhere around tomorrow night she’ll likely have that load
“‘Rollin’ in to Kansas City - for which I’ll have to thank her. Then, naturally, I’ll round me up some fancy big time lawyer,
Maybe give that dude a call who ran with old Sam Clemens...you know who I’m talkin’ about...that world renowned - ‘Tom Sawyer’!
“‘Then me an’ him ‘ll sue her butt from here to Timbuktu, and she’ll wind up with nothin’ for the countless lies she’s told.
And she can hitch a ride to Tennessee, for all I care, to get the Jeep she left behind - so she could steal my gold!’
“So now ya’ know,” I barked at Ruby, “why I don’t trust psychics. Corky’s still in therapy for what she suffered through!
There’s bound to be an honest mystic somewhere on this planet, but I can tell you something that you’ll never see me do.
“Calling Voodoo Vera, after what she did to Corky, isn’t gonna happen, Ruby... even though it’s true...
Corky’s now the richest gal I’ll prob’ly ever know...thanks to Ned for robbin’ a train in 1862!
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