Sting
The sting in my throat when I swallow that pill
You know the pill.... that they say is hard to swallow
The knot in my stomach and my heart
As my mind replays the hurt , the neglect ,that I just want to be pretty and feel loved
The appetite that I lose because I think something is wrong with me
When it's not me it's you ....
You..... , the pain , the smile , the rain , the drought
Cycle ....yes we repeat cycles
Up and down Round and round
So many twists and turns
Unexpected stabs to the heart that flow tears
Yet I still come back ...
Come back.... because where am I to go ,
Your heart... , my home... , my safe... , my diary
Trauma bond or are we in love...
Whew ....Love that word ....that you cut me so deep with me
Or maybe you sharpen that knife with certainty which makes it cut a little deeper
Certain... yeah your certain
Certain I won't leave , because for me forever means forever
Never had anyone ..
But you already know that ....
The way you play on mental it controls that
Control.... my happiness when one person never should
But what if that one person
Understands you , they really deep within you
Soul tied...
Never to leave...
See certainty
The sting in my throat when I swallow that pill
You the know the pill .. that they say is hard to swallow
Bull .. from you unexpected curves ...
To your hard lefts
Left ... Asking myself why try ..
I never seem to even get a quarter of your best ..
Yet you feed me your tongue that speaks and feels so good ..
Wet from untouchable dreams with a hint of pleasure
Foolery ..
Yet who are we fooling .. I .. dare I say I'm the fool ..
Looking in the mirror .. fighting reflection and reality
Battling the same monster yet an unapologetic lover
Tales . . Hoping for my happy ever after ... though I'm no Cinderella..
Those eyes .. they never fail to remind me .. when you undermine me. .
World's .. from two different ones .. yet you only see what you want
Failing to caress the flaws , the scars , yet I give you the whip in your hand . .. to reopen , and make a new trail
As you stomp on my heart , and massage my insecurities..
I thought massages were supposed to feel good . Yet my soul is fire burning ., Lit up from the light , from curtains only you could open
Shut them back ,. My life , my wants my needs .. doesn't stand up to your standards. . let me go back torporing ..
Never to feel or ache ... Never to believe I was out here for you .. because you know I adore you .. but nor enough
Copyright ©
Nicole Dickerson
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