Sting

The sting in my throat when I swallow that pill You know the pill.... that they say is hard to swallow The knot in my stomach and my heart As my mind replays the hurt , the neglect ,that I just want to be pretty and feel loved The appetite that I lose because I think something is wrong with me When it's not me it's you .... You..... , the pain , the smile , the rain , the drought Cycle ....yes we repeat cycles Up and down Round and round So many twists and turns Unexpected stabs to the heart that flow tears Yet I still come back ... Come back.... because where am I to go , Your heart... , my home... , my safe... , my diary Trauma bond or are we in love... Whew ....Love that word ....that you cut me so deep with me Or maybe you sharpen that knife with certainty which makes it cut a little deeper Certain... yeah your certain Certain I won't leave , because for me forever means forever Never had anyone .. But you already know that .... The way you play on mental it controls that Control.... my happiness when one person never should But what if that one person Understands you , they really deep within you Soul tied... Never to leave... See certainty The sting in my throat when I swallow that pill You the know the pill .. that they say is hard to swallow Bull .. from you unexpected curves ... To your hard lefts Left ... Asking myself why try .. I never seem to even get a quarter of your best .. Yet you feed me your tongue that speaks and feels so good .. Wet from untouchable dreams with a hint of pleasure Foolery .. Yet who are we fooling .. I .. dare I say I'm the fool .. Looking in the mirror .. fighting reflection and reality Battling the same monster yet an unapologetic lover Tales . . Hoping for my happy ever after ... though I'm no Cinderella.. Those eyes .. they never fail to remind me .. when you undermine me. . World's .. from two different ones .. yet you only see what you want Failing to caress the flaws , the scars , yet I give you the whip in your hand . .. to reopen , and make a new trail As you stomp on my heart , and massage my insecurities.. I thought massages were supposed to feel good . Yet my soul is fire burning ., Lit up from the light , from curtains only you could open Shut them back ,. My life , my wants my needs .. doesn't stand up to your standards. . let me go back torporing .. Never to feel or ache ... Never to believe I was out here for you .. because you know I adore you .. but nor enough