The Deepest Pain
When her shadow falls on yesterday,
And the memory erases the hopes and dreams,
Like faded stars in a warm, summer sky –
Her fickle heart makes its way through the night,
Breathing lonely into those minds, those lives,
Believers who discovered she was a lie,
Memories who know her as pain’s alibi.
When her darkness stumbles across a feeling,
Breathless moments who won’t subside….
They reflect the distance between humility and pride,
The gap between a courage and a despair,
The tears falling, grief silencing the wonders,
Kissing away every light so that only her black
Deafens the fragile spirit of hope that never quits.
When her tragedy falls across the life,
Bringing the intimacy that spends all its time,
Pensive, regretting what once was,
What is coming – the burning of a blessing,
Is this the gentle light, reflecting,
All the naked pain, once secreted in its place,
Poured out over the name…
Mother – who has gone,
Dying of the disease that leaves
Its family in uncertain grief,
Indifferent to the knowing, the belief,
That combines the alcoholic’s war –
With the silence that comes to those,
Who remember her as, not just the tormented,
But the soul who was afflicted,
By addiction, compulsion, dependence
On the liquid daring, the bravery
That comes to those who never let go,
… guzzling the poison that, not only
Takes away their pain, but also takes away…
Life, love, laughter…
This disease, her disease…
defeated, not just her, but everyone
Who she knows – it isn’t quiet like dying,
It’s contagious like the miles of darkness,
That led her to this… miles of darkness,
That remember nothing less than the demise…
Compensates her for the miseries,
Miseries she has felt – miseries she has dealt…
To those who knew the pain of loving her,
In spite of the alcoholic’s shame…
Love, though… love for her,
Didn’t end the war,
That alcohol begun when the craving,
Silenced her hopes, her dreams,
The willingness to let go of the pain,
That wouldn’t allow her to say…
I’ll never drink again…
Though, she’ll never drink again.
Only those who loved her most,
Realize the deepest pain – finds its way,
From her heart, to the ones who lost hope,
And, lost her to the death by the all consuming
Liquid, the alcohol that left her addicted…
And, without the hope of recovery,
Because, yes… she died from her dark impulses.
Copyright ©
Regina Mcintosh
|