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Frostbitten Heartstrings and Drunken Truths
My eyes couldn’t help
But wander
And smile at every passing inch
Aimlessly following the walls
And your voice
Throughout the house you lay your head at night
It was cozy
Decorated delicately
In memories
Though I’ll come to recognize
The tone in your voice
When you mention certain ones
The tone
That made my stomach
Ache with indignation
Cause who could
Look at you
And penetrate their nails in your heart?
Deep enough
To leave permanent
Apertures
After you impulsively
Trusted them
To hold it safe
Cause I saw
All your
Soft smiles
The gentle glides
Of your fingers
Memorizing the touch of my thigh
The whole
Car ride
Through your town
You laughed at my amazement
Of the trees dressed
In white lights
And in the heavy music
Silence
At a red light
“You’re beautiful”
Was like the softest velvet
Leaving your lips
While slipping
Your tattooed fingers
Through mine
I couldn’t keep our ardent stare
Hiding my flushed cheeks
And all the butterfly thoughts
That stifled my voice
Into forgetting
Every word that ever existed
My brain
Was deadweight
From your blandishment
Until the alcohol
At dinner
Stroked every vein in my body
Blurry blithe vision
Suddenly blinked
Into actuality
Were your eyes
That gloomy and distrait
This whole time?
Was that why
I wished you looked at me
The way your friends did?
Their pupils were overwhelmed
With curiosity
But you couldn’t be bothered
To mention my name
Like my worth was shriveled up
To nothing but your shadow
But the second they left
I could taste the alcohol
On your breath
From the way
You whispered
“Baby” in my ear
It carried no ardor besides impatience
To get home
As you moved my dress higher up my legs
But your hands went further up
Once my body felt
Your bed sheets surrounding it
Yet it quickly
Was searching
For oxygen
As my heart was palpitating
With your lips attached to mine
And your hand squeezing my throat
I could feel your heart
Racing too
But it wasn’t the same
The aggressive pressure
Was your wishful thinking
Out loud
As you wanted
To just be
On your side of the bed with the lights off
Static
Even when you felt the bed move
As I laid my head on your chest
I tried to match my breathing
With yours
Since you pulled your hand from mine
It was like
You held your breath
And overly sighed
Leaving my mirthful disposition
In a puddle
Of despondence
But I still
Would’ve held you
Every night
If you asked me to
With your head
Resting on my chest
Matching your breathing with mine
It would be
The only thing about me
You would ever like
Soothing
Your anxiety
About nightfall
And the way
Your brain
Pokes holes in every good dream
With a baleful smile
The odious parts of your childhood
Invite themselves in
But once you’re awake
We would eat breakfast
In silence
While you watch the clock
Biting your tongue
As each minute passes
Silently
Questioning
The smile in my eyes
After you pulled a sweatshirt
From your closet
To keep me company on the drive home
Cause you knew
Like the fading
Cologne on your sweatshirt
I wasn't meant to remember you
You will come to wish
You only collected dust
On my nightstand
As the seams
Of your being
Have been endlessly saturated
In calamitous tears
And all
Of my desperate unanswered questions
Though the sun shined
for what felt like
The first time yesterday
Melting the snow
And the sadness
That swelled my eyes
I didn't notice
You falling underneath my bed
When he knocked on my door
I bet you rolled your eyes
When I laughed
As he wiped away the tears you caused
And held my heart
The way I wanted
To hold yours
Copyright ©
Ali Lynn
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