Frostbitten Heartstrings and Drunken Truths

My eyes couldn’t help But wander And smile at every passing inch Aimlessly following the walls And your voice Throughout the house you lay your head at night It was cozy Decorated delicately In memories Though I’ll come to recognize The tone in your voice When you mention certain ones The tone That made my stomach Ache with indignation Cause who could Look at you And penetrate their nails in your heart? Deep enough To leave permanent Apertures After you impulsively Trusted them To hold it safe Cause I saw All your Soft smiles The gentle glides Of your fingers Memorizing the touch of my thigh The whole Car ride Through your town You laughed at my amazement Of the trees dressed In white lights And in the heavy music Silence At a red light “You’re beautiful” Was like the softest velvet Leaving your lips While slipping Your tattooed fingers Through mine I couldn’t keep our ardent stare Hiding my flushed cheeks And all the butterfly thoughts That stifled my voice Into forgetting Every word that ever existed My brain Was deadweight From your blandishment Until the alcohol At dinner Stroked every vein in my body Blurry blithe vision Suddenly blinked Into actuality Were your eyes That gloomy and distrait This whole time? Was that why I wished you looked at me The way your friends did? Their pupils were overwhelmed With curiosity But you couldn’t be bothered To mention my name Like my worth was shriveled up To nothing but your shadow But the second they left I could taste the alcohol On your breath From the way You whispered “Baby” in my ear It carried no ardor besides impatience To get home As you moved my dress higher up my legs But your hands went further up Once my body felt Your bed sheets surrounding it Yet it quickly Was searching For oxygen As my heart was palpitating With your lips attached to mine And your hand squeezing my throat I could feel your heart Racing too But it wasn’t the same The aggressive pressure Was your wishful thinking Out loud As you wanted To just be On your side of the bed with the lights off Static Even when you felt the bed move As I laid my head on your chest I tried to match my breathing With yours Since you pulled your hand from mine It was like You held your breath And overly sighed Leaving my mirthful disposition In a puddle Of despondence But I still Would’ve held you Every night If you asked me to With your head Resting on my chest Matching your breathing with mine It would be The only thing about me You would ever like Soothing Your anxiety About nightfall And the way Your brain Pokes holes in every good dream With a baleful smile The odious parts of your childhood Invite themselves in But once you’re awake We would eat breakfast In silence While you watch the clock Biting your tongue As each minute passes Silently Questioning The smile in my eyes After you pulled a sweatshirt From your closet To keep me company on the drive home Cause you knew Like the fading Cologne on your sweatshirt I wasn't meant to remember you You will come to wish You only collected dust On my nightstand As the seams Of your being Have been endlessly saturated In calamitous tears And all Of my desperate unanswered questions Though the sun shined for what felt like The first time yesterday Melting the snow And the sadness That swelled my eyes I didn't notice You falling underneath my bed When he knocked on my door I bet you rolled your eyes When I laughed As he wiped away the tears you caused And held my heart The way I wanted To hold yours