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About To Hit Midnight
it's about to hit midnight.
I'm in the bath crying. I'm crying not because the cuts
I just made sting like mad as I hit the water, but because
I feel disgusting and angry and sad all in one.
I had a horrible nightmare last night about Jack and what he did.
I woke up knowing it was a dream but can still feel him inside me.
I have been throwing up today because of how he makes me feel.
As the evening has come closer I have been feeling worse.
I decided to have a bath and cut myself as a way to
unwind and pass time until I feel tired.
As I ran my bath, I cut 1 line. but it didn't feel good,
all I could think of was how disgusting my body was and that
Jack had been all over it (and inside it).
I saw my upper thighs that he once pressed against,
and decided to cut his name into myself.
Then I did his initials and his name again a few times.
I cut over the scar of his name that was already there
as well as cutting new ones.
I straight away got into the water to feel it sting
I wanted to feel it sting as a way to punish myself and feel pain, because
cutting never did hurt.
Now I'm still sat here crying
and typing dreading getting into my bed.
Copyright ©
April Willcox
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