More Than Once
It got worse each time,
But was always intrusive.
Inside and out you would climb.
Until you were fully protrusive.
First time was all hands,
Then you moved down below,
I listened to your demands
I didn't want the bruises to show.
He only had a little touch,
A bit too low,
and I didnt care that much,
He said he was sorry and he didn't know.
Just like the time we passed on the landing,
The moment was seconds but lasted forever.
Your hand knocked- just a “misunderstanding”,
Like that time we were left in the kitchen together.
Then one night he laid by my side,
My neck he kissed, then licked, then kissed another.
He held my waist with pressure applied,
With hands under the duvet cover.
I layed there frozen scared,
While I felt your erection,
But it was clear you never cared,
Against my back there was an inappropriate affection.
Your winding legs encased around mine,
A hand held my mouth, a scream you wouldn't risk.
Your cold fingers walked down my spine,
As you counted each intervertebral disc.
Under the duvet you removed my clothes as you got ready to embrace,
Although my head was in line with your chest
You turned me around so we were face to face,
One hand on your the other on my breast.
I layed there tense while you masturbated,
I cried quietly to try and not make a fuss.
I felt powerless in this moment so just waited,
I could feel warmth and moisture between us.
All your once valued morals and kindness you had deserted,
You made us face each other naked in my bed,
It wasn't until this night that you fully inserted
You pushed yourself against me and grabbed my head.
With only my hair you pulled me up against my wall,
As you put your cold fingers in and out, I accidentally peed on my feet.
You showed your strength- I felt powerless and small.
Now standing like a child, I admitted defeat
“They won't believe you”
“They will all think you're lying”
“We can know it's true”
“But you might as well stop trying”
It went on for a while,
My tears escaped as I squinted.
you continued to thrust away,
your hands and face imprinted.
The 23rd was the last time,
This one was the worst,
You physically held me down and caused pain.
You penetrated and spoke to me in a voice i still hear today.
I hope you know I am permanently damaged
By your little urges and temporary pleasure,
you know in my mind you keep me trapped
While you are abroad living and allowed to leisure.
Copyright © April Willcox | Year Posted 2023
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