Pug-nosed pugnacious Polly loved to fight
She started brawls every Saturday night
Snapping, snarling, punching, sneak pinching too
I don’t want to go to bars with her. Do you?
A man came in frustrated, asking how he could change his wife.
What do you want to change her into? I asked.
“A frog? A dog? A pug-nosed hog?”
I like being a therapist who can "play" with their clients.
He did not smile.
Ah, a serious guy.
I cannot get her to do the things a wives do, he said. She is a slob.
Being a slob is my mantra; I only clean up for work, and not that often.
So, I kept my face straight and tried to not stick out my tongue.
I do not have any idea what she does all day, he told me. She is lazy.
Lazy Bones Wife has six children and lives in a trailer.
We know how spacious they are. and it is so much fun to clean them.
After more complaints about not being able to train the wife,
I invited him to bring her with him next time he came.
He brought her, but she was not “allowed” to talk.
I offered her free individual counseling at the end of this session.
He refused it, saying it did not make sense. She was the problem.
I encouraged her to come see me if she wanted, but she didn't.
We had him dead to rights, Herman and I.
On his lips was a smear of blueberry pie.
That bulldog is guilty as sin, we both agreed.
Behind his back, while he carefully peed.
Let’s get him to interrogation, Herman said.
He’s the detective, with a bit of hair of red.
I am Sergeant German, being a shepherd and all.
I thought that bulldog might break down and ball.
But no, he was tough, that little pie stealing squirt.
He was arrogant and haughty. He is a piece of dirt.
You are tough now, but you will eventually tell.
That little pug nosed ugly said “You go to hell!”
Detective Herman was mad now, I could see.
He had to run outside; pretending to pee.
I know the truth is that he wanted to cuff
Bulldog’s fat ears good and hard, no bluff!
This was the third pie that had been stolen this week.
From the window in our police kitchen without a squeak.
We were damned mad about having no pie.
I wanted to poke that bulldog really hard in the eye.
The boss told us finally to let the little weasel go.
It made me really hot, as you probably all know.
The next day we discovered a cat stealing a cherry pie.
So now I am less angry about the bulldog; guess you know why.
with her pug nose, Smidget Puggily smiles.
She's a smiling midget (Smidget) when
she wrinkles up her small pug nose so puggily.
She lets her jolly show right through her then!
Loving all things fun, the Smidget Puggily
has no use for dull things or a frown.
Don't give her news too boring or too tragic.
She really hates it when she's feeling down.
She rides a small bike which she calls a "smike"
into her pretty city with the name
of Cipretty. Folks seeing her call out:
Come see upon her smike this smidget dame!
She waves her hand at everyone she sees
giving them her famous pug-nosed smiles!
She smikes into Cipretty, shops a while,
then smikes home in an hour- thirty miles!
Smidget Puggily has awaiting her
a prettisome geru. After dinner time,
she sits down with her prettisome, who is
her poet's muse, and Smidget writes a rhyme!
March 25, 2019 for Caren Krutsinger's
The Smidget Puggily And Her Prettisome Guru Poetry Contest