Funny Nonsense Poems

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GOING BAREFOOT FEELS FINE AT THE TIME
YEAH AND SHOES DO TOO
SOMETIMES I NEED SOMETHING LIGHT
SOMETHING NOT QUITE SO TIGHT
ONLY SANDALS WILL DO

OF THE...

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Hotty to notty—
That’s a bad thing, bro.
Hotty to naughty—
Now that’s a good way to go.
Hotty to notty,
Hotty to naughty.

Hotty to notty—
Their looks go bad.
Hotty to...

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the silver birch
it likes to hide
so as you search 
at eventide
you find it there with many friends
playing poker through the night

the common oak 
a wise...

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Crow (Blackus Menacingus)
large, clever and a scavenger
found in gardens where there’s trees
good at puzzles, can be trained
likes TV shows about celebrities

Blackbird (Blackus Not-A-Pirateus)
common gardeners friend...

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jam

it’s
sweeter than ham
stickier than a dam
spreadier than a ram
welcomier than spam
jarier than a can
jellier than a plan

though
not drivier than a van
not talkier than a man
not...

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too soon
this moon

day’s chores
some scores

most not
forgot

deplete
need sleep

morning
warning

disarm
alarm

same old
sixfold

more work
can’t shirk

no fun
undone

work sucks
need bucks...

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dessert door dessert door
opens to custard and cream
but jester broke in
with bells and a spoon
. . . and
off with his head!
said the queen

dessert door dessert...

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When I stumbled upon Alice's hole,
I felt an overwhelming joy envelop my soul.
With little fear of harm or peril,
I could now crawl into the tale...

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staring at a stereo
in the Serengeti
Sarah getting stir crazy
gotta get out of this ghetto
Sarah saw a
chance and took it
sailed on a sailboat
slowly to Nantucket
thanks wholly
to...

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at a patio table
sat a pangolin and penguin
    pondering

and there they pursued
under a parasol
    perusing

diving with questions
delving for answers

they...

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    so

a possum who wanted to be
not a possum but a wallaby

    but 

a wallaby who wanted to be
a...

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has he got 
the balls 
to juggle? 

doesn’t he 
have 
balloons? 

only a knife 
and a photo 
of his mother

not meeting 
their gaze
only walking by,
fixed...

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I was born in the Year of the Rabbit,
which left me with a very nasty habit.
I like to nibble on stuff,
sometimes nice, sometimes rough,
and when...

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The limericks piled in his yard
Made mowing and maintenance hard.
The blade would get stuck
When nonsense it struck,
The handle from hyperbole jarred.
...

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when holded Earle a too large cup
of water heapied one inch up
drankied drankied Earle guzzler
and wetted chin and all his beard
slurping gulping could be heard
‘til...

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