Humorous Narrative Poems

I still savor the thought of the zest that I caught
When you joined us that night after school.
Tara figured out why, since she’s so sage...

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...Now Des Moines is a fine heartland town,
not a Sodom on the Pacific,
as minds returned, realization came
and the people found it quite horrific.

They didn’t know...

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I was drifting north, looking out for work,
found myself in Iowa, in Des Moines,
a polka band was holding a concert,
they needed roadies, so I thought...

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(With apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer, author of "Casey at the Bat".)

The Mudville nine and Casey have their chance for sweet revenge;
They play today in...

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So I'm sure everybody's used the text to speech thingamajig on their phones by now. It comes in so handy for me because I'm always...

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I used to be into politics,
I would shout loud, and chant, and march,
believed we could change everything
if only we could be in charge.

Get new blood...

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I was talking to this middle-aged man this morning. I'd say he was probably in his upper fifties or so. He wore a grayish-white beard...

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A conversation between me and my son a few years ago about the man who jumped out of the balloon from the stratosphere

I was trying...

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I’m an insurance Auto damage appraiser....So yesterday I had to inspect a car for an older gentleman and called him to setup the appointment. I...

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Driving down the highway,
90 miles an hour,
trying to get back to you,
so I could give you flowers.

The truck she was purring like a kitten,
sweet sounding...

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I decided to clean the kitchen counter today but almost got knocked out after hitting myself in the head with the coffee maker. It was...

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So I'm inspecting this truck at a kind Hispanic woman’s house mid July and the poor woman didn’t speak a lick of English. Me being...

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Halfway through my doctors appointment I notice my shirt is on inside-out. I discretely try to make my way to the bathroom without being noticed...

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I was walking down a Vermont road
to stretch my legs and blow off stress,
stone walls flanked the hard, brown dirt,
half-obscured by dead leaves and grass.

When...

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Well the house was rock & rolling,
and the dance floor was pulsating,
I had myself too many drinks,
then drank two or three more.
All the ladies, they...

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MEMORIES OF MOTHERHOOD

Childbirth isn’t called labour for nothing, it is damned hard work but so worthwhile when the baby is finally placed in your arms....

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My name is Nolan Greenstier,
and I fly a B-52,
on my daily ocean patrol
keeping lookout for the Kaiju.

I know this sounds ridiculous,
like some B-movie from back...

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...Johnny just shrugged, took out his Bowie knife,
and started carving off meat for a meal.
He built a fire and roasted back-strap,
it tasted strangely like pork,...

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Have I ever told you about my friend,
a mechanic by the name of John?
Oh, the countless stories that he can tell
of the hunting trips that...

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If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego
and jump to your IQ

Your birth certificate is an apology letter 
from the condom factory

Looks like...

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