Long Whoopie Poems
Long Whoopie Poems. Below are the most popular long Whoopie by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Whoopie poems by poem length and keyword.
When asked to write Limericks about ladies
I said, "Oh, no. There's no way in Hades!"
Too many are my friends
I'd have to make amends
Not even for a brand new Mercedes
Then, I gave the matter a bit more thought
And chose women closest to my heart
The ones in Milton Creek
Five who are quite unique
All lovely women who are very smart
Jan holds ownership of the Manx Saloon
Where two lovely ladies sing a fine tune
It's where Milt played poker
But do not provoke her
Jan has been known to throw a mean spittoon!
Tania now runs the bakery in town
Her Whiskey Whoopie Pies are world renown
Come to Kitchin's Kitchen
She might let you pitch in
to help her make the best pastries around
Deb manages the Manx with extra care
No outlaws allowed, so you'd best beware
If you're packin' a gun
Or maybe on the run
She'll call the lawmen and they'll be right there
Two recently hired ladies fit right in
Caren tends bar, pouring jiggers of gin
Anne-Lise is the town flirt
Servin' drinks in ruffled skirt
Fine ladies, living at Aces with Lin
There's a few others at the Bordello
I hear one's sweet on a certain fellow
Maybe just a rumor
A tale told with humor
The Creek's calm enough to hear cows bellow
Residents will keep it free of all spats
No bad hombres who'll be wearin' black hats
More ladies will arrive
Our little town will thrive
Mayor Tom will have more to say 'bout that
No rhyme nor reason why
with yours truly ejaculating
(not prematurely), I utter yippee,
nope no intercourse induced whoopie
upon this... - day three
January two thousand and twenty one
perhaps consummation,
regarding aforesaid euphoric mood
indicative I will become philanthropy
recipient i.e. anonymous lucky payee
before anniversary of this monkey
exhibiting fits and starts
orbitz nearest star
while linkedin to planet Earth
as (mush ado about nothing)
spasmodically thrashing
as garden variety generic
*****sapien protoplasmic beef jerky.
Courtesy guilty conscience,
I verily, timidly, readily... admit
no criminal mind nor hanky panky
whereby unfettered naughty bit
no way no how frolicked courtesy dalliance
though trespassing, plucking,
and nibbling verboten fruit
this average Joe didst commit,
which extramarital trysts
cost hefty penalty fee (think debit)
to checking account exhibit
head by mine absence one night
years ago, when we lived
at 724 West Railroad Avenue
thee missus exploded livid fit
of rage found me stony faced with true grit
feeling proudly unrepentant
what an ingrate hypocrite
pledging troth after rubbing noses
analogous as flirtatious custom to Inuit.
Thus smugness and/or feeling upbeat
seems heretical (in retrospect)
cuz promised covenant chaste away,
when sowing wild oats/gathering rosebuds...
like a mad ing dog in heat
one errant husband
upon wife did swing and cheat,
which wedded connubial bliss
more pronounced now after commiting
egregious sexual feat.
Figurative emasculation discovered
visa vis promiscuous escapades
redemption (no matter an atheist) proffered
hence an ideal place to enclose final word.
RufePal kept muttering "jv" team as it looked
around the room,
hoping to find someone underage to mentor to.
Michael blurted, "you and your precious
America! You are so gullible and trusting.
Penney started singing, "Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know oh...so don't tell Scotty."
Shut, the, fuuuu, up!
Do you think Bill Gates bought all that farmland,
after visiting China and performing fell...because
he wanted to rub elbows with you dirt farmers !
Gus complained, "i'm not a dirt farmer,
I am an old gum collector."
The gang nodded and murmured, looking one
to another in testimony and agreement.
"I know how to work a hoe, sure,
but I am more a collector of hoes than anything, philosophically.",
chimed Silky.
"I collect damned New Age Church souls
that do not care to notice the obvious difference
in Dogma between the Original Eclipsed Church
and this imposed heretical one." added Vatican2Priest.
"Penney's eyes lit up and this time she pulled...
"Enough, you simpleton MAGATS",
she hissed, "I'm not a MAGA, I hate America just like you!, she began to trick(her specialty)...
"Silence", she matched Penny's objection
and also her Va. Gina Monologue Kung Fu.
As she drug it out slowly like the movie Alien.
Whoopies unneeded I.U.D. was actually an I.E.D.
"In 3 minutes this place and all of you are gonna
go sky high to meet your Lord in the Air !"
Penney got confirmation by snickering, "3 minutes?
I could do... nevermind !"
She began to pack a suitcase slowly after making herself a sandwich, taking the things she thought were pretty.
When she had made her way to the front door, she adjusted the blinds and feng shui of the room.
The others followed, mainly because she was
a good shopper and a beautiful prostitute.
Michael couldn't even speak, he was so angry
at RufePal not bringing the gun and now
Whoopie sets the bomb for 'leave
at your convenience' !
She it them backhanded Whoopie and took t
he explosive from her with a handkerchief
and began to run after them...
Form:
Don't drag me into
your petty wars
I am not into that sort
of claptrap
I am off with Enigma
in the real world
walkin on the beach
making gourmet food
and some whoopie too
What is it with these drama gals?
I swear you can never escape...
Always a villian in someones eyes
like living and breathing is bad news
and you stole their thunder
even if you don't live in the same genre
You just happen to breath the same air
Use the same tools
I make my music for me
not for anyone else
I don't give a if you like it
It was never about you anyway
So keep writing your diss songs
into the wind, that's your issue
few people even have a clue
what you are belly achin about now
Just next week it will be someone else
its your drama oh rama... pattern
the invisible war, no one else started
but you always happen to show up for
Bi polar much?
Bi polar much?
Bi polar much?....
We needed one more day in Bangor for three simple reasons why…
to see Stephen King’s House, take a photo with Paul Bunyan
and to eat the first of many a Whoopie Pie.
At Stephen King’s house our photo was taken by Molly a three year old girl
because it is our objective…
as we grow ever older never to lose sight of a child’s perspective.
Next it was on to the a 31 foot high statue of Paul Bunyan
where he stands taller than some trees
Bangor claims to be his birthplace…
(although Akeley, Minnesota disagrees.)
Our photo was taken by a man a little older than us…
because it is our objective…
As we grow ever older…to see the world from both perspectives.
Last but definitely not least…is the one reason that remains…
why we’ve driven from Washington and chose to end our trip Maine.
It’s because we’re on a quest…we’ve decided we will try
to search the state of Maine for the perfect Whoopie Pie.
Tomorrow we head even farther east…
after driving our rental car from the farthest west….
which means we have 5 days before heading home
to complete our Whoopie Pie quest.
Our plan is a simple one…without Stephen King here to guide us
on this quest…this journey…this climb…
we’ll face this challenge as Paul Bunyan did his trees…
one Whoopie Pie at at time.
Millions and millions of bricks
Tons and tons of concrete
Lord only knows how many panes of glass
Granite, Marble, and cobblestone too
Build a city strong, steeped in history
The Adams, Otis, Hancock, and Revere
Tea parties, massacres and lanterns that hung
Swan boats, ducklings, with duck boats to boot
Hatch shell, commons and a Garden with parquet
Green Monsters, leprechauns and Pops play grand
West End, North End, Southie and Back Bay
Chinatown, Beacon Hill and Government Center
South Station, North Station, M. T. A.
Red line, Green line, Orange and Blue
You may find Charlie still riding too
Baked beans, chowder and don’t forget scrod
Lobster, cannoli’s, haddock and cod
Brown bread, beer, oysters and cream pie
Corned beef and cabbage with blarney a’plenty
Fenway Franks, Hoodie Cups, whoopie pies with Dunks
Marathon, Head of the Charles, and St. Paddy’s day parade
Bunker Hill, Faneuil Hall, the old’s North Church and Ironsides
Streets Beacon and Boylston, Avenues Commonwealth and Mass
Northeastern, Tufts, along with the Boston’s College and University
Brigham and Women, Beth Israel Deaconess, Massachusetts General
Bobby, Espo, Raymond, Bergy and Z
Russ, Bird, Hondo, Couz, and Jones boys
T.B. 12, Hog, Andre, Bruschi, and Troy
Teddy, Pedro, Papi, Jim Ed, and Yaz
These are our guys; this is our city!
Whoopie-doo, the holocaust—
is she for real?
Real Scooby-doo mystery…
She says Jews aren’t a race,
yet there’s a trace of heritage left
after the atrocity
that attempted to wipe out
the lineage.
How does she live
with herself?!
The problem is the uncontrollable yap,
the lack
of thinking people…
no one allowed
to discuss, ask questions,
probe the truth and consequences
of out of control chaos.
Therefore the proverbial blind, deaf, dumb and lame
use their faculties
and they fall, get run over
without accountability,
sensibility, morality
and common sense.
And they are less accountable
or not at all
as
they throw rocks or
throw others
under the bus.
2/1/2022
True matchup in the tennis stands. Meant to be humorous.
SEX ADVICE
Making whoopie at the tennis match.
Dr. Ruth and Bill Clinton, tète a tète.
She tenderly touches his face.
He blushes, in the very public stands.
Is she offering advice?
I wonder who is on the other side.
Is there a lineup of folks
to set his face aflame.
Was this an intercession?
Is Hillary close by
or very far away?
Otherwise
Ruth and Billy side by side
go out for an auto ride
Bill hits a bump
Ruth hits a tree
and Bill keeps sexting ruthlessly*
8/30/2022
*Original epitaph:
Ruth and Johnny, Side by side, went out for an auto ride. They hit a bump. Ruth hit a tree, and John kept going – Ruthlessly.
The concert of my dreams would include Cher and Tina Turner.
Throw in Andy Williams, Perry Como and the Glen Miller Orchestra
Adam Lambert, Jessie Blaze Snider and Lady Gaga will be doing solos.
We will have Roger Taylor of Queen on the drums, naturally.
Bette Midler is dressed in style as our guest conductor,
she breaks into song and Whoopie takes the maestro hat.
The Beatles have come back to life, to round us out.
Willie and Johnny Cash have just arrived to get this party started.
Is that Mama Cass I see? And Helen Reddy?
Oh, yes, this concert rocks!
I close my eyes, optimistic they know what to do, and well!
The concert of my dreams!
1 Knocked to the Ground
There’s no bell, nor stars—
just bloody knees.
You haven’t thought of heaven or hell,
when you cursed the sneeze.
2 Ignoring the Obvious Cause
Using a whisk
to dust off the hole in your knees.
You’re a bigg’n
who straightens your back,
though your neck won’t
calibrate left, right or South.
3 Whoops
Why’d you fall on your whoopie
cushion? Tailbone thrashing
like a mermaid against the current.
Baleen curses - two-fisted.
4 Slowmo Recovery
No ambulance for your pride.
You scrutinize your shoes
for blubber, crap and scars.
5 Apex
The spreader was keen,
intelligent, even.
Theory of climbing
impeccable
but without horseshoes
and cheating
on your tippy-tippy toes
your nose meets
the grindstone of regret.
6 Watering the Grounds
The soil needs warm earth
and worms but they tend
to be off put by church.
Nothing learned…nothing gained.
7 Angels on High
Potluck’s not for you
but the scent of savory,
sweet and scrupulous
tantalizes.
8 Nest Egg
Wash yolk off your face.
Smile it’s sunny.
Tripping - tongue
says,”Oh my goodness.”
You chuckle
as you take a big bite
out of new life.
10/7/2021
To put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Eph 4:22-24 ESV