Long Unmanageable Poems
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There is a bottom that is past what we thought we knew.
The sub-floors are there for false safety and reason, too.
When we get to the dirt under all the lies
and find the reasons we want to stay alive,
we are prepared to give it up and live instead of die.
The dirt we find on the floor of our bottom
is where the desires reside that have become our problem.
We made the bed and messed it up.
We tended to avert and try to give up.
Until we see the dirt below
we won't be able to reach up and let all else go.
To be on this side of the dirt and thankful for every day
is an amazing feeling knowing we are going to be okay.
God puts an exit at every choice we make.
A cross-roads of decisions that rock us like an earthquake.
When we finally see our lives are unmanageable...
that we can't do this on our own...
give it to Him and watch the change unfold.
Those chains that held us down
are now the essence of our God-given crown.
He melted, molded, and cleaned it all up.
He placed it upon our heads to show us our inheritance.
We will grow, live, love, and hurt.
All of this and we will, one day, become as the dirt.
No more pain,
no more suffering,
no more confusion,
because it'll be time for us to get to extend our wings.
Most of my Lix spittle existence
found me figuratively
(primarily academically) adrift,
and malfunctioning blinker
analogous to a boat with
out an ankh (caws
away) aimlessly bobbing -
and drowning akin
to a besotted drinker
just out of rest to be
rescued by Mister Rinker
sea ming lee without
any hook, line and sinker
despite being gifted with
an above average thinker
from without, where two
myopic ocular
orbs did winker.
All thru academia
just barely passing grades
metaphorically
suffered from anemia,
and at my nadir,
thy prepubescent psyche
plummeted lovely bones
into grave state,
sans anorexia minus bulimia
mental health also linkedin
shot thru through with
healthy dose of dysthymia
cap (tinned em man hint mettle)
kept awake with insomnia
peppering cerebral
cortex with monomania
buzzfeed ding somnambulant
zombified condition
with a burning
desire toward pyromania
nsync with unmanageable
raging (red dee
and bull lush) testosterone
spawning satyromania
the above particularly
accentuated, and cresting
with accursed
triskaidekaphobia
most agonizing, when
orbitz around Earth
demarcated ten plus
on a Friday the thirteenth,
hence death be not proud
sought after utopia
pleading, longing, and hooping
if I Willoughby
able to sprinkle
cremated ashes across Xenia.
Nestled under blankets,
the gentle whirring sound
soothes the savage beast
within mine body electric
of one generic, opportunistic,
and wholistic garden variety man.
Within blink of closed eye
yours truly transported
into the realm of deep sleep
benumbed to reality as unconscious guy
experiencing dynamic vivid dreams
courtesy Fluoxetine Hcl
(C17H18F3NO·HCl)
known as Selective
Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI),
especially prescribed to treat
depression, panic disorder,
and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Holmes tower fan whooshing air
analogous to sonogram (ultrasound)
infiltrates slumbering snorer (me)
best not to awaken papa bear,
cuz he will roar loud and clear
disrupted sleep upends ability to function
no joking psyche riddled
with profound anxiety and despair
subsequent havoc wrought
on par whereby mailer daemons ensnare
co opting, conquering,
and compromising blissful state
deadened head reveling
within private webbed world
regarding unscripted drama deep inside
temporal lobe of brain,
the hippocampus might conjure
time traveling circa Renaissance faire
wordsmith metaphorically possessed
remonstrated by fire breathing dragon
evidenced fiery breathing
affect nostrils to snort and flare
awoke from necessary dreams,
I would angrily glare
frightfully enough to induce goosebumps,
and raise every small hair
along spine uncontrollable fury
communicating shattered functionality
essentially rude awakening would impair
ability to experience joie de vivre.
Debilitating panic attack invariably triggered
similar to Tonga underwater volcano
eruption January 15th, 2022
constituting physiological displeasures
chiefly vertigo, racing heart, nausea,
excessive perspiration, adrenaline
coursing thru body,
whereby Prozac (brand name regarding
aforementioned synthesized chemical)
ameliorated unbearable,
unmanageable, untenable...
earth-shaking, devastating,
and crushing manifestations
disabling, exhausting, hijacking,
jackknifing, sabotaging, and wrecking
life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.
Kickstarting psychological equilibrium
linkedin with savoring at least bajillion winks
else sixty plus shades of gray matter methinks
knotted courtesy cerebral gordian knotted kinks
yours truly feels discombobulated
teetering and tottering atop brinks
of figurative precipice.
Unadulterated emotional anguish linkedin...
Regarding inconsolable screaming infant
christened Matthew Scott Harris woke
eureka insight about said newborn self,
experiences ultra sensitivity courtesy
loud noises and/or sleep disruption.
I purportedly cried mine
trademark noisy hullabaloo
no matter pallor turned
fifty plus shades of blue
nonstop nary a clue
lovely writhing baby bones
pitiful sight Matthew
eventually, invariably, and ostensibly
slumped into fatigue he brew
utter exhaustion and drew
round the clock few
till helplessness that no hue
man parental unit knew
not remedy only
parental frustration didst ensue,
nein body but mother coaxed xanadu
quickly instinctually, and
dotingly attempted to construe
why "mama's boy" solely
wanted her, she knew
not why, I only permitted
maternal acquiescence to quell grew
absolute zero clue
scant hours earlier yesterday
November 26th, 2019
inexplicable insight shone through
after decades long mystery adieu
reckon unlikely circumcised as Jew,
albeit Unitarian in
later years voluntarily withdrew
attendance basically, I now eschew
contemplative, introspective, and meditative
hodgepodge transcendental spirit chew
wool awareness keenly, profoundly,
and unexpectedly piqued
clear out of the blue
courtesy oppressive wallop true
red hot volcanic rage, a violent brew
within walls of b44 deathstill milieu
expressed in most recent previous poem,
previous poem titled Even if yours truly
could repeat every grade...
where I maintain hermitage milieu
experiencing violent ready to slew
myself and/or spouse, but... whew
blinding, deafening, frothing...
heaving, jackknifing lacerating
as iterated to you
Fred Flintstone's catchphrase,
he hightailed jabbering yabadabadoo
lest his fate witness him
serving as cannibal stew
unbearable, unmanageable, untenable...
eventually subsided without
limp or lifeless body ignoble deed
yours truly did eschew.
Sure like to share my innermost thoughts
Haven't yet found where they're hidden
Searched and searched but really no luck
Gonna put out a Lost Data bulletin
Sure they were there the last time I checked
But that was way back in my teens
At some point between back then and now
They're totally missing it seems
Other stuff's missing like my wavy black hair
It once was my crowning glory
It's now really thin and getting thinner
It's white for which I'm quite sorry
Heard some people age rather gracefully
That ain't the case with yours truly
As well as thin and white with some cooties
It's really unmanageable and unruly
Should have expected this turn of events
From a handsome young fellow to this
So I've had to accept I'm less of a charmer
Here's a big boohoo and a hiss!
© Jack Ellison 2015
I know you both
Want and so too should wish
To expect a response
From all the other people
Apart from yourself
Even if that response be
The merest tiny
Subtlest of nods or blink's
Hiding behind a smiling blackened eye
Because they are simply unable or lack
the inner strength or stomach for the fight
To stand up or speak for themselves
In order so they can show you the pathway
But yet then again aren't you just
so to the problem as well
If you yourself expect others to do
Something you have yet yourself
Seemed unable to accomplish or do
Because that offers others
In similar powerless unmanageable situations
Surely no solace or form of help
In fact makes matters way far worse
If other victims don't seem to care neither
Shine, cats-
that which is to disdain for having life is no...
Gritted teeth,
grind'd mind,
hallowed speak,
hind benign...
She told too much about the little things,
dice-
mice-
china-
advice...
The creepy carry of device,
often called social spice.
No spine now,
all is tight,
tingle-
height-
nothing chooses what,
resides-
confides-
exemplifies-
co-enterprise's-
it's all-
sight,
mighty,
teedy,
divine,
light,
grit-
signs of fit...
White-
bite-
light-
benign,
benign!
Like in your holy land where there is an ancient church standing tall over a hill, your good work shall find...
Swipe-
saunter-
disaster-
shallow hunter-
callous...
Immaculate palaces,
and unmanageable addictions.
How unappealing... the missus went bananas
courtesy hurling mandarin oranges.
Yes quite juvenile
unladylike childlike behaviour,
mine wife oft times doth display,
I do not deplore
yours truly reckons
tis futile effort causing furore
aye attest bull
in china shop incorrigible hardcore
exhibited by spouse
out of bounds antics bon jour
earlier within marriage
shenanigans twas the stuff
back in the day
sparking altercations, haint no lore
regarding wedded bliss
muddle aged doozy storied
married couple expressing
mutual love nevermore
did deux disparate
birds of a feather flock together
espousing total mortal kombat
(with looming fruity weapon
of mass destruction
living below poverty dirt poor
surviving (barely) hand to mouth
unable to afford
top of line high grade
clean atomic bombs rapport
re: ruining our reputation
as hoity toity main liners
portraying child's play
conflicts in East/West Timor
almost annihilating each other
i.e. zee Harris family
plus well nigh turning
planet Earth into vapour.
Sober realization of brinksmanship
brought now auld
geezers (defanged & harmless)
flinging foodstuffs cold
and/or frozen leftovers
(carbon dated), petrified extolled
as delicacy among Neanderthals,
who would value and
cherish fruit lobbed as
love's labour's lost more precious
(as a physical expression of affection)
more so than fine spun gold
thee rented man cave serves
atavistic trait hard rock cafe
functions as pleasant reminder,
where one percent genetic
stock originated (think noggin
rock hard iron maiden mold).
Backtrack to years spanning 2000-2010
wen furious red hot poker rage
twas unmanageable when living
under duress within Penn Valley
even tranquilizers could not assuage
harkening back when yours truly
under threat courtesy battle ax
and her henchwomen,
which matriarch took immediate dislike,
née rabid (foaming
at the mouth loathing)
towards yours truly
them days outright state
of undeclared warfare
found fury within me
exceeding the wrath of Kong!
Thank dog, I mellowed since then
gratuity prescription medication.
Pronounced side effect upon my dreams...
courtesy Fluoxetine hydrochloride
Fluoxetine Hcl (C17H18F3NO·HCl)
known as Selective Serotonin
Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI),
especially prescribed to treat
depression, panic disorder,
and obsessive-compulsive disorder
the above symptoms
profoundly experienced by yours truly
said prescription medication
seriously impacts sleep (mine).
Debilitating panic attacks
wrought (particularly years gone by)
physiological displeasures chiefly constituting
vertigo, racing heart, nausea,
excessive perspiration, adrenaline
coursing thru body,
whereby Prozac (brand name regarding
aforementioned synthesized chemical)
ameliorated unbearable, unmanageable, untenable...
earth-shaking, devastating,
and crushing manifestations
disabling, exhausting, jackknifing... functionality
hijacking life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.
Essentially yours truly experiences
dilemma analogous to sleep deprivation,
cuz ofttimes upon arising,
I feel utterly tuckered out, exhausted, bushed...
thus zapped body, mind and spirit
ill suited to physical,
mental or spiritual endeavor
subsequently lovely bones (mine)
(pine to join grateful dead)
rather than feebly kickstart
lame effort to write, read or meditate.
Thus respecting Sir Isaac
Newton's first law of motion
a (human) body at rest
inertia keeps said entity at rest.
Interestingly enough as
daylight doth wax and wane
casting dark shadows upon urbane
countenance buzzfeeding hidden reservoir
exerting estimable energy
decreasing arduous strain
therefore purposefulness,
I seek renewable resource to imbue
garden variety generic
doubting thomas and ordain
him (i.e. me) with spontaneous
magnificent grandiloquent enlightenment
ala Orson Welles Citizen Kane
laughable comparison linkedin
with story extraordinaire quite insane
September 4th, 2020 insight one can gain
perchance even coaxing passable poem
from deep within Matthew Scott Harris' brain.
I grew up amongst every kind of plant and flower,
Beyond our gate was the garden of dear mother;
This Eden was colourful, tangled and so sensational,
So erratic, untamed and just totally unmanageable.
Mother knew the Latin names of each blooming posy,
The iris, lily, rose, aster, dahlia, marigold and peony;
I really loved the purple larkspur and pink gardenia,
Mother said she loved them all but adored camellia.
Brightly painted butterflies danced and glided happily,
And the nesting birds all sang their songs so loudly;
We had an old swing and we would sit and sip tea,
In the shade of the trees, just my mother and me.
O to turn back the clock of time, moving and clicking,
To be in my mother's garden again, a child dreaming.
_________________________________________
July 2, 2014
Poetry/Rhyme/Mother's Garden
Copyright Protected, ID 07- 580-302-02
All Rights Reserved, 2014, Constance La France
Written for the Standard contest, Mid August
sponsor, Brian Strand, Judged 07/20/2014
Third Place
___________________________
Submitted to the Standard contest Any Poem Under 15 Lines
sponsor, A Poet Destroyer, Judged 2014
First Place