Long Transgress Poems
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Soul Search Soul as my story is told the bone of my bone, my singing lullaby song in the dress of my flesh made this possible A story, the beginning the end, this caused the soul that once lived in adventure stayed in my mind my head, through pain, through love, through faith and also rejections, even through my fears praying that my soul will not live in tears. Give ear to my words o, Lord, consider my mediation, my king, my God unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul, O my Lord, I trust in thee
Let me not be ashamed, let not my enemies triumph over me-yes! Let none that wait on thee be ashamed. Let them be ashamed that transgress without a cause. Shew me thy ways, O, Lord Teach me thy path Lead me in thy truth and teach me. For thy are the God of my salvation on thee do I wait all the day. Remember O Lord thy tender mercies and thy loving kindnesses for they have been ever of old. Remember not the sins of my youth nor my transgressions according to thy mercy remember thou me for goodness sake O Lord. My Soul depends on this. My soul prays for this. My soul always needs a friend. My soul watches my flesh grow old and wonders how long will we know the end when the bodies last breathe begins or the last dance be done in the mysteries of sacred time and sacred space where nothing is lost in the dance of the sacred waltz of eternal light joy peace life everlasting, preparations in the end be complete. No more the heart be troubled, neither will it be afraid!
126.
Psalm of Judas
1 Oh Lord, smelling Your presence
Strikes my inner feelings
Perceiving its magnificence
Fills me with positive tidings
2 Oh Lord, seeing your face
Glimmering with glory & honor
Catches my ardent gaze
While dazzling me with fervor
3 Oh Lord, having Your words
Makes my consciousness tremble
Like a sheep among herds
Giving momentum to assemble
4 Oh Lord, saying Your name
During my pain & distress
Takes away false fear & shame
But not on moments when I transgress
5 Oh Lord, touching Your manifest
Gives me strength & courage
When I am under a test
Facing concrete or abstract carnage
6 Oh Lord, I'm astounded looking at You
But uncomfortable with Your stare
Seems You're watchful with all I do
7 Oh Lord, I'm ensnared listening to You
But elusive over Your eavesdropping
Lest You learn of a sin I do
8 Oh Lord, I'm inquisitive speaking with You
But cautious of my language
For it can reflect what I did, am doing & will do
9 Oh Lord, I'm delightful walking beside You
But suspicious if others are envious
Of course, it's an amazing thing to do
10 Oh Lord, who is like me?
I'm proud like a celebrity!
11 Oh Lord, I traversed the road with pride
As if I can always make a great stride
12 Oh Lord, I never sensed the pitfall ahead
When from You, I turned away my head
13 Oh Lord, suddenly I've fallen!...condemned by women of Jerusalem!
-05/31/2012
(Dumarao)
*My Dark Poems Collection
jan2012
(Resolutions is a series of 6 poems . These are a tribute to Mr.Abhay Keni a technocrat, genius, philosopher and guide...above all a humble human being. All 6 volumes are a tribute to his simplicity and his way of life.)
This brand new year,
A voice inside me keeps whispering without any fear,
“You need to mend yourself now and here”
So please listen to me your inner voice and to transgress the path ahead be aptly clear.
Live such that the fear of death does not enter your heart,
Do deeds such that dear ones and friends from you never do part.
Live such that in the name of religion you hurt no one,
Respects other’s and demand yours be respected by everyone.
Live such as to love your life and perfect your life,
And always make attempts to beautify as many things as possible in this life.
Live such as to make your life long,
In the service of humanity, and also to correct many wrongs.
Live such so as to give a word or a salute when meeting a friend with grace,
Or passing a stranger in a lonely place.
Live such as to be able to respect everyone,
And try to grovel at none.
Live such as to arise at morn ,
To be able to give thanks for the joys of life, food ,health and for a human to be born.
Live such so as to abuse no one ,as it turns a wise into a fool
And robs the spirit of it’s vision and that really cruel.
Live such that when the time comes to die,
Don’t be like the people with hearts of fear and cry
But the one who will sing their own death songs,
And in them will give a message to all as to how in their life their joys prolong.
Not sure when it started at 6 staying
out of a brutally violent household
taking to the unforgiving streets.
The streets became my teacher and
family albeit dangerous life lessons
learned from a merciless source.
Spiritual and corporal sorrow from father’s
beatings, his cruel degradation too much to
bear, as everyone stood by watching me bleed.
At 13, befriending teens from troubled homes, drugs
numbing the pain, leading to ingestion to dangerous
narcotics, a perilous escape, always got away.
Running the streets with pretty young broken girls;
Waving down guy’s cars, thrill seeking, I guess,
our risky behaviors always abetting trouble.
Working excessive overtime as legal secretary on
subways late nights, sexually assaulted, threats
shouted by strangers, incessant danger lingers.
Hanging out in nightclubs, as a melancholic outcast
dating depraved men with no regard for human life,
defeated, unable to break free, bound by fear.
Running like a wounded animal, steel trap rapt around me
as I bleed out, while others transgress moral law by
feverishly striking me down; an already wounded soul.
Years of starving myself, must stay pretty to
Keep up façade for the ruthlessly judgmental.
Never intentionally, but perhaps subconsciously
continuing in this path of inevitable destruction.
Today, realizing my son needs me more than ever, as he
suffers anguish from life’s severity against the meek,
imploring God save me so I can be his ardent advocate.
I plead to GOD for protection of my soft-hearted son,
when I leave this tortured life that devastated my
spirit. I pray for mercy In Silence!
No dad should leave his family for a mistress
and break the sacred marital vows and transgress;
who is selfish and has no love or pity
shall find none when they are sought,
when he finds himself distraught!
I worked in my uncle Steve's body shop,
learning a new trend and working hard;
Everet was a bustling town in the peaceful suburbs of Boston,
more dynamic than Mineola on Long Island.
Who knew that missing mother and sisters
would have taken me back and stop
what I had started doing to earn dollars...
who knew that emptiness was so hurtful regardless of gain?
That lonely room over Bow Street
had a gloomy view of a sky so deplete of brightness
with its industrial chimneys reaching low clouds;
and nights were even murkier than thoughts,
not able to evade darkness and greet
sweet faces that waited for my return and embrace me!
Their distance saddened and robbed me
of their affection...was I aware how painful was their heartbreak,
how dull was my living having heard bells not ring but clank!
No dad should leave his family for a mistress,
denying kids the joy of a father is unforgivable,
it's a deed of cruelty, preventing their growth
depriving them of confidence...who would do this?
Don't pity me, I have grown out of it with an oath
of a bold fortitude that's so epical and unmatchable:
yes, young men become adults due to occurrences
not expected that will define their characters!
November morning came and my luggage was ready,
I boarded the bus returning to the town of my loved ones:
no boy of my age was more eager than I; no sacrifice
was worth staying there in seclusion and regret togetherness!
Oh, if only birds had sung, or crickets had chirped;
oh if only stars had had a brilliancy of nights so adored,
the fantasy of a teen growing up so fast in a society of gold seekers
would have valued the preciousness of youth more thoroughly!
Uncle John picked me up at Pennsylvania Station,
what a relief it was to see him waving at me;
we departed quickly, how delighted I was breathing in
the pure air as the oaks swayed welcoming me.
Finally, we reached Arlington Street and I was cheering...
suddenly, the door opened and everybody was screaming!
The corpus millennia has crawled down the vale,
Retracting the sleek, unwieldy remnant of glory,
Into the memorial vault of the deceased perfection;
Romance with Nature in express affection
Set up structures of infinite wonder and story;
Wingless flights, finless aquatics, and sail,
Put up a collage of conformity and compliance
With the Eden-norms on the planet of reliance.
Mastery, like a potter's wheel, shaped success
Out of the clay of daring and venture ;
Finesse and goodwill brought forth the plethora
Of confident happiness, but in an aura
Of warning and threat of the nurture --
Fostering, Greed, and his kin of all excess ;
The forbidden tree put up the succulent fruit,
And the disobedient eater turned into a brute!
Battles and wars were fought for trophies inane,
While the elements have kept tracing a new map;
Fire has charred many a live greenery
Making it look like ill-painted scenery
Quakes and slides have always set a scary gap,
Like the swooping flood and the howling hurricane;
Power, pelf, and the wide stretch of win
Devastate as the victor lies in the forgotten bin.
No glib snake need tempt one now,
Since the Devil himself has chosen to dwell
In the inner depths of defiant ambition,
That leads to the dead end of perdition,
Through exploits, for the riches to swell;
Wants change and satiation never cease anyhow;
Midas, or a conqueror, is not uncommon to find;
Avarice subdues the conscience to stay blind.
Time, the grizzled wizard watches with a frown--
A little amused and often with disdain--
The similar themes and slides in rotation,
With self-centered and wayward a mutation;
The domain is lost in pursuing the gain:
Vain and rueful maneuvers, yet no crown;
To rise to heights, one need not fall,
Nor transgress equity - the bounds for all.
African-American and abusive, my late step-dad
was a reverse racist:
an army sergeant; a Vietnam vet; and, a backhand,
face-hitting sadist.
I once bemoaned that I was a white child
(as if it were my fault!?)
and that he was black and resentful of me.
So, once in reckless revolt
against his ongoing abuse,
I rebelled under my breath
and uttered the "n" word at him
(so he beat me nearly to death).
Bruised, I never uttered that word again;
then mom and he divorced
as I grew older (which freed us at last!):
now unrivaled (with no remorse),
I suddenly was the man of the house; and life
for us seemed less stormy.
For the first time in years we lived without abuse;
and, at last, we were a family.
Then I got religion and met God;
and gave myself to Christ.
It was the best thing I ever did!
Born again, I thus was sufficed.
So the scars of my step-dad's abuse which
for years I had repressed
began to heal and disappear; and so I became
less and less oppressed.
Now old, my erstwhile step-dad developed
advanced swelling of the lung;
I had not forgiven him yet (back when
I was still angry and young).
Not yet able to forgive him for the abuse that
made our lives so unbearably grim,
I nevertheless still realized that the weight
of still having hatred for him
was far worse than my pain. I recognized
that in life we all transgress
and come short of God's glory: so, moved by
His grace and forgiveness,
I made the right choice to forgive him;
for me a daily, ongoing process,
I at last began to let go of the anger
and truly begin to move past the mess
that was my step-dad's legacy to me. Also, I
began to forgive God;
for He was not to blame for him (whose own
father, too, did not spare the rod).
Still, tho' I had chosen to forgive (him) and let go,
he was unmoved and unchanged as ever:
but I, however, realized that what truly mattered
was that forgiveness set me free forever!
When at last he died, I had already completely
let go (so that he was forgiven).
Now I can only ask of God whether my step-dad
was changed from his glimpse of heaven?
As i pass thro
Some times
In a hurry
Or at times ease
I chance to glance
Behind at times
At times above
And sometimes below
I leave the ticks
& the tocks as i glance behind..
I dont trample below my present..as i look down..
And i glide to see my future ahead when i look above....
Oh am just a mortal
Soul or otherwise
I know not yet
Never born
Never will die
Just visiting
Planet earth
Having fun
As i transgress...
Oh all ye who walk the
earth
Behold the powers it bestows
Bask in the sunlight
Bathe in the moon light
Father time and mother earth will take us thro this journey...
And in times like this
I pray and breathe in my blessings
And exhale gratitude and humbleness
Its then i realise
Quiter i become
The more i listen..
The world is not my home
Just passing thro
What is done is done
I pray i bear these learnings in mind
When i come around the next time....
Fairy Folk
Ignoring those with little wings,
will leave a curse that tightly clings.
For, hidden in Manannan's cloak,
are the Island's fairy folk.
So say 'hello' while on their land,
or be victim to their meddling hands.
A fairy known for her vampire traits,
the Leanan Sidhe patiently waits.
With tales and promises of success,
she lures in those who transgress.
As their love for her takes control,
she destroys their gullible soul.
A price that many men would pay,
for her to drain their heart away.
So be aware of those with little wings,
as they are capable of unnatural things.
For, hidden in Manannan's cloak,
are the Island's fairy folk.
One can only be isolated by weather
in a room for a season, then push the door
open and flee whenever the spirit
may lead, that bond of friendship so strongly felt
can never be broken by loneliness,
it strengthens it more with affection and trust:
how wonderful is to have friends who don't transgress!
One can only be limited by need,
when loyalty is sworn you have made an oat,
don't let dishonor infringe upon it;
friendship is not temporary fancy, it's an epic poem
of loyalty that unifies friends until their end.
Honor it and perceive it that it is good for body and spirit...
whenever you plant that beneficial seed;
have you ever be inspired to write an emblem?
I have sought friendship and failed at it,
it could have brought night and shadows of repose,
and vanquished days of prolonged emptiness,
but God was with me and became the friend
I never had, I talked with Him and He answered.
God is that loyal friend who never deceives or deserts;
God never asks anyone to exceed his limit,
and be poked by the poisonous thorns of a lovely rose!