Long Self actualization Poems
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Let's play a game, shall we?
It's a fun little number I like to call
"Do I miss you because I love you,
or because you're my brain's scar tissue?"
Let's review the facts, shall we?
You're a spoiled NEET who took pleasure from my pain
From making me bend over backwards
And watching my free will vanish
Like a parasite, you latch on to everyone
Begging for gifts and food like a child
Passive-aggressively plotting when you don't get your way
And everyone gives in to get you to shut up
By all accounts, you're a horrible person
So tell me why, tell me why
Why do you still haunt my dreams at night?
Why does the thought of losing you still hurt me so?
You're like heroin
Because man, doing lines of you through the night
Was the greatest high when the trip was fine
And the comedown was so fierce
So here I lay, sweating yet freezing
Dope sick and hungover after the greatest afterparty
Craving another hit to feel the ceiling again
Gently gnawing on my twelfth step chip
But you weren't always that way, you know
The love we shared was once pure
And each day was a blessing that I'd give so much to return to
And I think that's the you that I miss
But hey, that person died two years ago
You wore her skin so well that I didn't realize
That I still had a body to bury
Before you skinned it and wore it
More often than not, it's the pure memories I recall
When I'm clutching my phone with my thumb above the send key
And another withdrawal pang hits my temple
And jolts my thumb to the clear key
So where are you now?
I can't imagine I'm in a much better place right now
Eating my fourth cup of cup noodles tonight
Poring over a broth stained essay
It's comforting to share a pitiful existence with you
Because in a weird way, I feel more connected with you than ever
Sharing a loving, tender kiss across time and space
As we both scoop the last shrimp from the bottom of the cup
But each cup leads me closer to my dream
As you stagnate at home
Self-actualization is a difficult concept to measure
But your NEET dream dies with the last of your savings
The sun rises and the glare from the screen hits my eyes
Another frosty December morning
Through the sight of the rising sun and the scars you left behind
For now at least, you and I are forever intertwined.
Perche Sono me II.
I interact with the blues because I feel sad and I am alone.
The blues are an expression of my internal feelings.
My biological needs and psychological needs are in a constant state of dueling.
My biological needs are pulsating.
My psychological needs are in a strong state of defense.
My biological needs are very powerful.
They want to spring a new bio.
So powerful that it hurts the three components of my life.
It feels like only a visit from the reaper could make them go away.
These needs are powerful and must not win.
You ask me “why don’t you just follow your biological needs?”
Why do you continue to deprive your body of what it wants?
Would you deprive it of food and water?
Truthfully, I am conscious and will not follow in the footsteps of some of my friends in
the past. I do not want to make the same decisions that they made and realize my
mistake(s). My biological needs will not deprive me.
I deprive my body of these needs because I must continue to go forward. A short
break of a few minutes may end up as a divine comedy for a long time with no smiles.
Food and water are vital to the sustained notion of life. Procreation and non-
procreation in a sexual environment are ok, but it is not meant to be the controller of
life.
My psychological needs are more important to me.
Self-esteem & self-actualization are at the top of the pyramid.
My physiological needs are at the bottom
Praise Allah for Maslow
My mind is more important than my body
My mind wants me to go forward and never give up.
I must follow my dreams and not the wishes of the undercroft.
Finally, I say to all of you this is the reason why I am single
I want to be with someone that connects with me and I with them.
I am not looking for an easy person.
Too many of the doves are brown and sound like quails.
I am looking for my white dove with the voice of the hawk and the majestic tranquility
and beauty of an eagle in all its beauty.
I have not found my phoenix.
I will not die because I live.
“Cowards die many times but the valiant taste death once.” These are the words of
Julius Caesar to his wife Calperna.
With this quote in mind I will move forward and I will do it my way.
Maslow was and is still right.
Working on compiling this book of grandpa wisdom,
Harder than choosing which old poems to include
Is cutting off the ongoing output of new ones!
But I do want to get it done,
And I really don’t want to ever do another,
So final thoughts keep building
Eager to rise and shine and make the cut,
A final cut which may never come
As long as grasping mind keeps grasping
For whatever it is an immaterial thing can hold.
But the reason for all these words
Is today I realized something important
Perhaps important enough to stem the tide of poems
If not the grasping mind.
Humans more than anything want security and comfort
And by extension to be happy
The happiness then becomes a goal
Symbolizing all the other basic needs
(while truth/self-actualization may be at the top of the pyramid, this in effect then puts it on few people’s list)
And yet this is what my poems aim for incessantly.
But the truth is enlightenment
Isn’t about worldly goals and values.
People talk about it like it will be a lasting peace
With endless, effortless happiness,
But this strikes me as more an ad campaign
Than the actual truth.
But I don’t know what enlightenment is,
My hunch being that it is like mercury
Pulled together by the cohesive force of its unity
Into small discreet spheres or moments of ineffability,
Rather than dispersing like a fog or fragrance
Across time and space
Which would thus be knowable
Or at least noticed.
Instead it goes unnoticed by everyone,
Even those supposedly searching for it,
The tiny spheres of momentary peace
Blending into every other,
Since all moments are by nature enlightened,
Until the seamless analog story we tell ourselves
Obscures its digital content.
And as I mentioned before,
Our stories are all about security and comfort
Not truth and its fundamental components.
So, where does this leave the poet,
A poet who really doesn't know,
Trying to reach others, who really don't care?
Alone, contentedly so, and perhaps at last
Able to make the final cut
See what comes next
In a life without need or time for story.
What is left in such a life you ask?
What comes next.
(12/6/24)
The Path To Least Resistance -
By: Sue S. Side
Amp pull ease just sparked insight,
I suddenly became aware,
(actually self actualization
came ohm to roost - dare
ring with mighty stir since this
Earthling orbited thru the atmosphere
back in time many a passing,
quickening, and rip snorting year),
how my current psychological,
neurological, and emotional despair,
sans crafted - plane vanilla
existential plight grounded, nixed,
and shorted former spunky,
quirky, and goofy boyish air
snuffed out, hopscotched
(along buttery, bow jangly rocky
unlevel road i.e. skeletal derriere)
extinguished courtesy nihilistic fanfare
with counterproductive antiwelfare
of self, when just a tendershoot, nothing
boot bag of unlovely bones when bare
grim reaper das scythe
did to hunker down
specifically anorexia attired
with trademark black hoodie wear
firmly entrenched, would
not budge, clear
out, nor disappear
matter of fact arrogant behavior
cannibalistic ornery rode
roughshod, and cavalier
dauntless demeanor debonaire
leaving body electric
in utmost disrepair,
lo parents trumpeted
state of emergency
and sought out consigliere
one Doctor Ted Goldberg care
fully applied his deft, heft,
whence nervosa finally left
after quite long stretch of time
not without a fight,
and permanently sear
my esprit de corp
undermining foursquare - buzzfeeding
every epidermal micro hectare
pot tent lee loosed pendulum
within pit of mine being, a nightmare
minimally livingsocial, linkedin
to tomb ma birth family prepare
ring to die just on verge of puberty
analogous to bot sized
wrecking ball lob
bing within me tummy scare
ring the Bejesus
from those who begat me
nonetheless felt immense care
and concern helpless, and lacked app
nowadays accessible within sphere,
viz zitting world wide web,
now holed up in mancave sitting here
reflecting how I sabotaged
vitality, virility and vim stunting
maturation across vast swath of yesteryear!
Personal productivity measured courtesy...
Unspecified number of hours spent
many yesterdays ago since March 6th, 2021
reading (cover to cover) Pennsylvania Gazette
March/April 2021 issue.
Proud papa highly regards eldest daughter,
University of Pennsylvania alum
as academic whip smart high achiever,
she did (after quite a stretch of time
after graduating) become
self supporting earning hand over fist money
employed at the B Corp
(short for Certified B Corporation)
as yours truly
(her biological father) feels glum,
cuz I would qualify
mine impossible to quantify
existence as humdrum,
hence quite envious at well deserved income,
which exact dollar figure I will remain mum
yet if privy being financially,
what me worry would become obsolete
mine mental would find me comfortably numb
livingsocial in splendour
versus dwelling in slum
bring (think dirt poor -
according to long ago slight
courtesy youngest sister)
whereby financial shortcoming exacerbates
predilection toward anxiety
with distress squarely within tum.
Back during mine salad days
earlier within mein kampf
precious time squandered away
this doubting thomas
grabbing life by figurative horns,
his outlook toward future
did excel at procrastination,
a pointedly powerful stance did delay
ambivalence toward purposefulness
hit me courtesy metaphorical
ton of bricks, now at threescore earth orbits
around the sun absorb shock
while grizzled and gray
recognizing when sober
upon post drinking up lackadaisical indifference
feigning to care not a whit,
I allude to johnny come lately self actualization
analogous to confronting judgement-day
resigned to gather wilted, shriveled, matted
rosebuds while I may
experience e'en just fleeting aliveness,
thus yours truly doth pray
to dance (why I'll) while
these spindleshanks sashay
into Elysian Fields
exorcising atrophied muscles oy vey!
Painful self actualization
quickly brights to light
paltry reasons (with or
without rhyme) a desolate sight
within blinkered mindseye hindsight
grotesque grimace shocks with affright
desolate landscape
precipitated when airtight
vacuum sealed sequestered,
muckraked, furloughed...
which past existence now doth bite
back with a vengeance more agonizing
than any imaginable plight
feeble effort thru poetry
to portray psychological bombsight
cathartic, emetic, pathetic... ejection
minus (all gore rhythm)
red tattered torn flesh ala bullfight,
vigil held under
deathly hallowed candlelight
lack of living will trumped right
against autopsy, eh
scant material worth any copyright
deceased did request mourners
to revel in daylight
of life (l'chaim) delight
within simple pleasures downright
unfettered, yet respectful
of self and others fight
for peace with strong lanced arms,
yet...shy away from fistfight
while standing firm
on righteous ground,
versus passively taking flight
modestly acknowledge accomplishments,
sans reflection initial birthed floodlight
ideally rejoice asper positive contribution
within webbed, wide world despite
shortcomings vis a vis height
insight, might,... dismissing as trite
customary, healthy, quality traits
sustaining virtuous yeast
leavening kindled hindsight
carried into darkness of afterlife
soul asylum void of oblivion
analogous to eternal midnight,
where surviving kin begat,
viz biological millwright,
which sunny daughters
became darling lasses overnight
I ask do not weep, nor mourn,
neither heap exaggerated flattery, quite
upon the head of
this beastly boyish sight,
whose dying wish
expansive though slight
points to stopping for persons white
red, brown, black...since one's birth
until...final seconds usher
mortal into twilight!
No rocket surgeon,
nor brain scientist called upon
but only Rudolf the red nose reindeer
solicited as psychological mentor
yes...undoubtedly countless
decades removed since *****
(not very gay at all!)
bodily changing phenomena
from thine angst riddled
biological metamorphosis allows me to peer
with greater theft of mine precious youth stolen,
via piercing overbear
ring mailer daemons,
when mine tender age did near
cusp whence onset of puberty
clapped development tight as if by
a doppelganger mutineer
warp and weft of mine lifetime tapestry
mine acute perception doth lear
as threads got tightly woven
into mine casual knitwear
though pubescent phase
wrought with oppressive foresight
interwoven with jeer
ring bullying hmm...maybe thine ability
to distill self actualization
extant among interlinear
teenage stage viewable
during my youthful days, but clouded over asper
mine more vivid perspective here
from this present moment
ha...amusing insight from present perch
devoid of adolescent glare
sire re: brill grade
do lobes gleam freer,
now with insight aye ear
rate at such pitch 'ere
perfect hindsight aye declare,
yet as a much younger self
when I hapt to be a boy, acuity seemed oblivious
to perceive via sight and sound
what social cues visceral, (visual,
and audiological) seems crystal clear
revisiting non verbal
awkward teenage mutant
ninja turtle memories, that now deafeningly blare
at the threshold of ear
splitting decibels, how hard of hearing human
(nada so) subtle in retrospect, I am aware
interpersonal nuances clear as the tune
Doris Day Que será, será
did voice, a catchy air.
Personal productivity measured courtesy...
Unspecified number of hours spent
yesterday March 6th, 2021
reading (cover to cover) Pennsylvania Gazette
March/April 2021 issue.
Proud papa highly regards eldest daughter,
University of Pennsylvania alum
as academic whip smart high achiever,
she did (after quite a stretch of time
after graduating) become
self supporting earning hand over fist money
as yours truly
(her biological father) feels glum,
cuz I would qualify
mine existence as humdrum
hence quite envious at well deserved income,
which exact dollar figure I will remain mum
yet if privy being financially,
what me worry would become obsolete
mine mental would find me comfortably numb
livingsocial in splendour
versus dwelling in slum
bring (think dirt poor -
according to youngest sister)
whereby financial shortcoming exacerbates
predilection toward anxiety
with distress squarely within tum.
Back during mine salad days
earlier within mein kampf
precious time squandered away
this doubting thomas
grabbing life by figurative horns,
his outlook toward future
did excel at procrastination,
a pointedly powerful stance did delay
ambivalence toward purposefulness
hit me courtesy metaphorical
ton of bricks, now at threescore earth orbits
around the sun absorb shock
while grizzled and gray
recognizing when sober
upon post drinking up lackadaisical indifference
feigning to care not a whit,
I allude to johnny come lately self actualization
analogous to confronting judgement-day
resigned to gather wilted, shriveled, matted
rosebuds while I may
experience e'en just fleeting aliveness,
thus yours truly doth pray
to dance (why I'll) while
these spindleshanks sashay
into Elysian Fields
exorcising atrophied muscles oy vey!
No antihistamine can
unblock the lifetime
accumulation of stoppered emotional gunk
zapping, undermining, and polluting *****
mine early life in retrospective avast flunk
stripped mined wasteland qua sinkhole,
where eternal reverberations soundlessly plunk
inescapable deafening, and
blinding this targeted
"scapegoat" bullied by most every punk
wrathful verbal sucker punches,
whereby yours truly habitually shrunk
within himself, yet self actualization
predates how severe
introvertedness doth debunk
the penultimate prevalence that mean kids,
albeit cruel, fiendish, incriminating
ganged accomplices further sunk
this then boy careering
into an abysmal funk
crashing into bajillion pieces
with soundless silent thunk
pitching mental health
(actually entire self)
analogous to comatose
state losing a chunk
of vital growing up years,
when upon reluctant
commencement into early adulthood
debilitating chafing
against self destructive
(mailer daemon) nemesis did brood
apathetic degree of functionality crude
delivering punishing perception,
now this older dude
writhes with lament oft times exude
ding self hatred, especially during
critical years, I denied myself food
never reconciling how affliction
cost development good
and plenti stunted development,
when scythe ying grim reaper donning
trademark black hood
dee metaphorically pinned toothpick
lovely bag of bones fragile as breadstick
easily crushed by madding publick
crowdsource, that slip of a cowlick
my excruciating body electric
demolished with figurative flick
of wrist now shutters hermetic
vacuum sealed "prison" brick
an invincible fortified bailiwick
walled in invisible steely fortress
hardest and most resilient mucous thick
against any wrecking ball.
Self-Actualization-Acrostic with rhyme
S eductive symmetry saintly standing still
E levated energy with eyes that enthrill
L ifting lasting longing luminescence
F aithful freewill fulfilling presence
A mending appetites aligning absolutes
C onstructive criticism completing computes
T rusting tendencies toward tenacious tangibles
U ltraviolet understanding of the unpassables
A ccelerated acknowledgment accepting allure
L imitless locomotive with lossless leisure
I mmersive illuminating infinite immortal
Z ealous zygomorphous of zeros portal
A ngelic amplification adoring adient arrows
T olerance toward turbulent troubles
I gnitable idealistic intuitive image
O mniscient obedient outstanding visage
N oble natural naked nutritious finish.
Self-Actualization-Double Acrostic without rhyme
S eductive symmetry saintly standing stills
E levated energy with eyes of luminescence
L ifting lasting longing thrill
F aithful freewill fulfilling yourself
A mending appetites with absolute criteria
C onstructive criticism completing euphoric
T rusting tendencies toward temporal twilight
U ltraviolet understanding of the ultimate you
A ccelerated acknowledgement accepting academia
L imitless locomotive in a lunatic lustful
I mmersive illuminating infinite nuclei
Z ealous zygomorphous of zestful pizzaz
A ngelic amplification adoring armonica
T olerance toward turbulent toxicant
I gnitable idealistic intuitive iambi
O mniscient obedient outstanding obligato
N oble natural naked nutritious novation.
Nov.08.2016
SELF ACTUALIZATION - Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: San Woo